The Dark Tower

Collins might have seen some of this on her face, for when he spoke again he sounded almost defensive. “Her an ugly old thing, I know, but when you get as old as she is, I don’t reckon you’ll be winnin many beauty contests yourself!” He patted the horse’s chafed and sore-looking neck, then seized her scant mane as if to pull the hair out by the roots (although Lippy showed no pain) and turned her in the road so she was facing the cottage again. As he did this, the first flakes of the coming storm skirled down.

“Come on, Lippy, y’old ki’-box and gammergurt, ye swayback nag and lost four-legged leper! Can’t ye smell the snow in the air? Because I can, and my nose went south years ago!”

He turned back to Roland and Susannah and said, “I hope y’prove partial to my cookin, so I do, because I think this is gonna be a three-day blow. Aye, three at least before Demon Moon shows er face again! But we’re well-met, so we are, and I set my watch and warrant on it! Ye just don’t want to judge my hospitality by my horse-pitality! Hee!”

I should hope not, Susannah thought, and gave a little shiver. The old man had turned away, but Roland gave her a curious look. She smiled and shook her head as if to say It’s nothing—which, of course, it was. She wasn’t about to tell the gunslinger that a spavined nag with cataracts on her eyes and her ribs showing had given her a case of the whim-whams. Roland had never called her a silly goose, and by God she didn’t mean to give him cause to do so n—

As if hearing her thoughts, the old nag looked back and bared her few remaining teeth at Susannah. The eyes in Lippy’s bony wedge of a head were pus-rimmed plugs of blindness above her somehow gruesome grin. She whinnied at Susannah as if to say Think what you will, blackbird; I’ll be here long after thee’s gone thy course and died thy death. At the same time the wind gusted, swirling snow in their faces, soughing in the snow-laden firs, and hooting beneath the eaves of Collins’s little house. It began to die away and then strengthened again for a moment, making a brief, grieving cry that sounded almost human.

FIVE

The outbuilding consisted of a chicken-coop on one side, Lippy’s stall on the other, and a little loft stuffed with hay. “I can get up there and fork it down,” Collins said, “but I take my life in my hands ever time I do, thanks to this bust hip of mine. Now, I can’t make you help an old man, sai Deschain, but if you would . . . ?”

Roland climbed the ladder resting a-tilt against the edge of the loft floor and tossed down hay until Collins told him it was good, plenty enough to last Lippy through even four days’ worth of blow. (“For she don’t eat worth what’chee might call a Polish fuck, as you can see lookin at her,” he said.) Then the gunslinger came back down and Collins led them along the short back walk to his cottage. The snow piled on either side was as high as Roland’s head.

“Be it ever so humble, et cet’ra,” Joe said, and ushered them into his kitchen. It was paneled in knotty pine which was actually plastic, Susannah saw when she got closer. And it was delightfully warm. The name on the electric stove was Rossco, a brand she’d never heard of. The fridge was an Amana and had a special little door set into the front, above the handle. She leaned closer and saw the words MAGIC ICE. “This thing makes ice cubes?” she asked, delighted.

“Well, no, not exactly,” Joe said. “It’s the freezer that makes em, beauty; that thing on the front just drops em into your drink.”

This struck her funny, and she laughed. She looked down, saw Oy looking up at her with his old fiendish grin, and that made her laugh harder than ever. Mod cons aside, the smell of the kitchen was wonderfully nostalgic: sugar and spice and everything nice.

Roland was looking up at the fluorescent lights and Collins nodded. “Yar, yar, I got all the ’lectric,” he said. “Hot-air furnace, too, ain’t it nice? And nobody ever sends me a bill! The genny’s in a shed round to t’other side. It’s a Honda, and quiet as Sunday morning! Even when you get right up on top of its little shed, you don’t hear nuffink but mmmmmm. Stuttering Bill changes the propane tank and does the maintenance when it needs maintaining, which hasn’t been but twice in all the time I’ve been here. Nawp, Joey’s lyin, he’ll soon be dyin. Three times, it’s been. Three in all.”

“Who’s Stuttering Bill?” Susannah asked, just as Roland was asking “How long have you been here?”

Joe Collins laughed. “One at a time, me foine new friends, one at a time!” He had set his stick aside to struggle out of his coat, put his weight on his bad leg, made a low snarling sound, and nearly fell over. Would have fallen over, had Roland not steadied him.