The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump

I was already pretty much convinced the outer perimeter of the dump was tight; that's what the speUchecker had indicated, anyhow. And a cursory glance at the plans to keep the blockhouse safe told me Sudakis didn't need to be afraid when he came to his job. Satan himself might have forced his way through those wards, or possibly Babylonian Tiamat if her cult were still alive, but the lesser Powers would only get headaches if they tried.

"Now here's the underground setup." Sudakis stuck another parchment in front of my face. "You look this over, Dave. You tell me if it's not as tight as a Vestal's-"

Unlike the other two plans, this one really did demand a careful onceover. Proper underground containment is the Balder's mistletoe of almost any toxic spell dump. The ideal solution, of course, would be to float the dump on top of a pool of alkahest which would dissolve any evil that percolated through to it. But alkahest is a quis custodiet ipsos custodes phenomenon-being a universal solvent, it dissolves everything it touches, which would in short order include the dumping grounds themselves.

Some of the wilder journal articles suggest using either lodestone levitation or sylphs of the air to raise the dump above the ground and to keep it separated from the alkahest below. I think anybody who'd try such a scheme ought to be made to live in the dump office. Lodelev is a purely physical process, and, like any physical process, vulnerable to magical interference. And sylphs of the air really are just as flighty as their reputation makes them out to be. They'd get bored or playful or whatever and forget what they were supposed to be doing.

That wouldn't be good, not where alkahest is involved.

They used it in the First Sorcerous War, but not in the Second. It's just too potent, even as a weapon. As it eats its way straight toward the center of the earth, it's liable to bring magma or ancient buried Powers through the channel: up iit cuts. Nobody even stockpiles it - how could you?

So, no alkahest under the Devonshire dump. Instead, the designers had put in the usual makeshifts: blessings and relics and holy texts from every faith known to mankind, and elaborate spells renewed twice a year to use the law of contagion to extend their effect to the places where they weren't actually buried.

"It looks like a good arrangement on parchment," I said grudgingly. "I presume you rigidly adhere to the resanctification schedule." I made it sound as if I assumed nothing of the sort.

Tony Sudakis set more parchments in front of me. "Certification under canon law, the ordnances of the Baron of Angels, and national secular law."

I examined them. They looked like what they were supposed to be. The dump management outfit might have forged the secular documents; the worst the Baron of Angels can do is send you to jail, the worst the secular power can do is leave you short a head. But you'd have to be pretty bold to forge a canon lawyer's hand or seal. The punishment for that land of offense could go on forever.

I shoved the pile of parchments back at Sudakis. Now my tone of voice was different "I have to admit I don't know what to tell you. This really does look good on parchment. But something's not right hereabouts; I know that too." I told him about the rest of the birth defects I'd spotted, the vampirism and lycanthropy.

He frowned. "You're not making that up?"

"Not a word of it. I'll swear by Adonai Elohaynu, if you like." I am. God knows, an imperfect Jew. But you'd have to be a lot more imperfect than I am to falsify that oath. People who would risk their souls by falsely calling on the Lord won't make it past the EPA spiritual background checks, and a good thing, too, if you ask me.

Sudalds' beefy face set in the frown as if it were made of quick-drying cement. "Our attorneys will still maintain that the effects you cite are just a statistical quirk and have nothing to do with the Devonshire dump, its contents, or its activities. If we go to court, we'll win."

"Probably." I wanted to hit him. The certain knowledge that he'd murder me wasn't what stopped me. Getting in a good shot or two would have made that worthwhile. Far as I'm concerned, people who hide "it's wrong" behind "it's legal" deserve whatever happens to them. The only thing that held me back was knowing I'd bring discredit to the EPA.

Then Sudakis pulled out that little amber charm again.

He licked a fingertip, ran it over the smooth surface of the amulet, and murmured something in a language I not only didn't know but didn't come close to recognizing. Then he put the amulet back and said, "Now we can talk privately for a little while."

"Can we?" I had no reason to trust him, every reason to think he was trying to trap me in an indiscretion. The lawyers he'd been throwing at me would have loved that.

But he said, "Yeah, and I think we'd better, too. I don't like the numbers you laid out for me, I don't like 'em at all.