Stranger in a Strange Land

“That is just Dorcas’s natural, normal behavior with all men. She used it toward you, too—although I suppose you were too preoccupied elsewhere to realize it. Never mind. Just be sure that when Miriam shows you her ring—the size of a roe’s egg and about as scarce—be sure to be surprised. And I’m damned if I’ll sort out which two are spawning, so that you’ll be certain to be surprised. Just remember that they are pleased about it… which is why I tipped you off ahead of time, so that you wouldn’t make the mistake of thinking that they thought they were ‘caught.’ They don’t. They weren’t. They’re smug.” Jubal sighed. “But I’m not. I’m getting too old to enjoy the patter of little feet when I’m busy… and contrariwise, I won’t lose perfect secretaries—and kids that I love, as you know—for any reason if I can possibly induce them to stay. But I must say that this household has become steadily more disorganized ever since the night Jill kicked Mike’s feet out from under him. Not that I blame her and I don’t think you do, either.”

“No, I don’t, but—Jubal, let me get this straight. Are you under the impression that Jill started Mike on his merry rounds?”

“Huh?” Jubal looked startled, then thought back—and admitted to himself that he had never known… he had simply assumed it from the fact that when it came to a decision, Jill had been the one who had gone away with Mike. “Who was it?”

“‘Don’t be nosy, bub,’ as you would put it. If she wants to tell you, she will. However, Jill told me—straightened me out when I made the same jumping-to-conclusions that you did. Mmm—” Ben thought. “As I understand it, which one of the four happened to score the first run was more or less chance.”

“Mmm… yes. I believe you’re right.”

“Jill thinks so. Except that she thinks Mike was exceedingly lucky in happening to seduce, or be seduced by (if I have the proper verb)—by the one best fitted to start him off right. Which may give you some hint if you know anything about how Jill’s mind works.”

“Hell, I don’t even know how mine works… and as for Jill, I would never have expected her to take up preaching no matter how lovestruck she was—so I certainly don’t know how her mind works.”

“She doesn’t do much preaching—we’ll get to that. Jubal, what do you read from the calendar?”

“Huh?”

“You know what I mean. You think Mike did it—in both cases. Or you think so if his visits home match up in either or both cases.”

Jubal said guardedly, “Why do you say that, Ben? I’ve said nothing to lead you to think so.”

“The hell you haven’t. You said that they were smug, both of them. I know all too well the effect that goddam superman has on women.”

“Hold it, son—he’s your water brother.”

Ben said levelly, “I know it—and I love him, too. If I ever decided to go gay, Mike would be my only choice. But that’s all the more reason why I understand why they are smug.”

Jubal stared at his glass. “Maybe they just hope. Ben, seems to me your name could be on the list, even easier than Mike’s. Yes?”

“Jubal, you’re out of your mind!”

“Take it easy. Nobody is trying to make you get married, I promise you—why, I haven’t even painted my shotgun white. While I am not snoopy and I never hold a bed check around here and I really do, so help me by all the Billion Names of God, believe in not poking my nose into other people’s business, nevertheless while I may be out of my mind—a ‘least hypothesis’ more than once, the last couple of years—I do have normal eyesight and hearing… and if a brass band parades through my home, fortissimo, I’ll notice it eventually. Question: You’ve slept under this roof dozens of times. Did you, on at least one of those nights, sleep alone?”

“Why, you scoundrel! Uh, I slept alone the very first night I was ever here.”

“Dorcas must have been off her feed. No, I remember, you were under sedative that night. You were my patient—doesn’t count. Some other night? Just one?”

“Your question is irrelevant, immaterial, and beneath my notice.”

“That’s an adequate answer, I think. But please note that the added bedrooms are as far from my bedroom as possible. Soundproofing is never perfect.”

“Jubal, it seems to me that your name is much higher up that list than mine can possibly be.”

“What?”

“Not to mention Larry and Duke. But, Jubal, almost everybody who knows you assumes that you are keeping the fanciest harem since the Sultan went out of business. Oh, don’t misunderstand me—they envy you. But they think you’re a lecherous old goat, too.”

Jubal drummed on the arm of his chair before replying. “Ben, I ordinarily do not mind being treated flippantly by my juniors. I encourage it, as you know. But in some matters I insist that my years be treated with respect. This is one of them.”

“Sorry,” Ben said stiffly. “I thought if it was all right for you to kick my sex life around, you would not mind my being equally frank.”