Stone's Fall

I laughed, but her face was serious. 'Then I would never see you again, or talk to you or hold you,' I said. 'And I am a selfish man. Now I have you, I will not let you go so easily, whatever your wishes.'

'Oh, if only I had known men such as you existed! I might have made different choices.'

'Listen,' I said, beginning to pull on my clothes. Time was passing, far quicker than I wished and one of us had to remember the outside world continued to exist. 'How do you wish to proceed now? I need hardly say that I want to repeat this afternoon. Do you want that also? If you do not, then tell me now because I could not stand to be repulsed.'

'What would you do if I refused you?'

'I would leave, and quickly. There is no vital reason to stay here.'

'Do not leave. I really would die if you did.'

'So, what do we do now? We cannot come all the way to the Lido every afternoon. And we cannot meet either in your lodging or mine.'

'I have had no experience in arranging secret meetings with a lover,' she said, and I could hear in her voice a faint tremor of excitement, as though the very idea was bringing her spirits back to life.

'Nor I,' I replied truthfully. 'But I believe it is usual in such circumstances to rent a room, generally in some poor part of the city. It would not be elegant, and would offer few conveniences except privacy. Such things are normally for women of low quality, though, and I would hesitate . . .'

'No! Let us do that! That is what I am. Nothing more than that, and I will be that for you with pleasure.'

I looked closely at her. She was serious.

It was settled, and in the most businesslike terms. There was no need for delicacy of language, for in our acts we had already passed beyond the point of dissimulation. Secrecy was of the essence. I would acquire a room for our meetings. We would be conspicuous to some, no doubt, but not to anyone who might care. As long as we were safe from the prying eyes of other foreigners, we could be safe. The Venetians see all and say nothing.

And so we made our way back, as the evening light was beginning to settle over the city. The gondolier rowed methodically, making us feel safe by his knowing silence. We sat together, side by side, until we were close in, and said not a word to each other. The evening shadows were our conversation, the softness of the light and the calm of the water were our emotions made tangible. Venice is quiet in comparison to most cities, yet it seemed noisy and raucous to my ears as we came in to land. The people walked too fast, had too many reasons for what they did and said, unlike me, as I no longer had any reason or desire to do anything.

I touched her only as I helped her out of the gondola, and our eyes met briefly before the collusion and dissimulation that was to be our life from now on intervened. It was an electric moment, as we both realised how much we were now bound to each other, conspirators together, living a secret life of lies and deceit.

I consider myself a moral man, who upholds the laws of God and man as best as he is able. I was married and, in all the time since I wed my wife, I had never deceived or betrayed her in any way. I hold to my contracts and keep my word. I considered that Louise had been absolved from whatever vows she had sworn by the treatment she had received. She had said too much, and regretted her words, but I now had some idea of the hellish life she endured with her husband. No one owes loyalty to such a person.

I had no such excuse and I try to make none. Except to say that excitement is a drug, and Venice is a treacherous place, which sucks people down. I wanted her, and for the first time in my life all the arguments and reasons which would have stopped me were of no effect. I didn't even consider what I was doing; did not feel guilty for a single moment. All objections I brushed aside. Venice had taken hold of me, and I had rushed into its embrace as willingly as I had rushed into hers.

The rest of the world would not have viewed it with such indulgence, of course; I had seduced another man's wife, and what had begun in hot blood I intended to continue in a spirit of calculation. The life of deception started that moment. 'I must thank you, Mrs Cort, for your assistance today. I trust you did not find it too dull.'

'On the contrary,' she replied. 'And if you wish me to accompany you again, then please do not hesitate to say so. I am sure Mr Cort will not object.'

And then we bade each other farewell in a stiff and formal fashion, and I turned to leave, my heart pounding with excitement.