Sex and the Single Vampire

"I was never in my life so frightened; you simply have no idea what it is to throw oneself willy-nilly at a demon lord!" Esme told Roxy. "I was vicious, though; I truly was. I berated him soundly for his cruel actions, and then I lectured him—yes, I did!—about the state he'd let his hair and fingernails get into. 'Just because one is an inhabitant of hell does not mean one has to let oneself go,' I said to him. Well, that gave him something to think about, as you might well imagine!"

Antonio watched with sad puppy eyes as Christian, who had been listening to Jem tell how he had Asmodeus in a headlock, followed by a mangier move, strolled over to me and slid his arm around my waist. "You 'ave given yourself to him, corazón. I was sure you would save yourself for me. We would 'ave found a way to be together."

"I gave my heart to Christian before I Summoned you, Antonio. You knew there could never be anything between us."

Antonio's lower lip pouted for a moment, then sucked itself back in as he straightened up and smoothed down his doublet. "You will have girl children. Lots of girl children. One of them will grow up and see me and know that she is mine, yes?"

Christian started to protest, but I stopped him. "I'm sure any daughters we have would be smitten with you, but you can't mean to stay here, Antonio. I'm positive I can Release you; it's just a matter of having the time to figure out the proper quantities of ginseng. Now that the threat of Asmodeus is taken care of, I can devote myself to working out the problems so I can Release you." I waved a hand to include the other ghosts. "Release all of you."

"No! Oh, my dear, you wouldn't do that to me! To us!"

"I will never leave you, corazón! You may grow tired of the dead one, and wish me to comfort you."

"Don't want t'be Released. I want t'see who'll be left on Survivor."

Alis said something incomprehensible. Esme nodded. "She's absolutely right."

Mr. Woogums piddled on the carpet.

Christian sighed in my ear. I am adding to my list the condition that future Beloveds not have any ghosts attached to them.

I stepped firmly on his foot and looked at Honoria. "Well? You've heard the others; they refuse to go on. Do you want me to Release you or not?"

She looked around the room, skipping over Roxy, Joy, and Raphael, frowning at Antonio, ignoring Alis and Jem, wrinkling her nose at the ghostly puddle of cat piddle, finally settling her gaze on Esme. "I want to stay with Esme. I want to watch more Buffy."

"Buffy?" Christian asked, stiffening.

I smiled at everyone. "Well, I guess that's settled, then. I'm sure you'll all find Christian's castle in the Moravian highlands more than roomy enough."

"Buffy as in, the vampire slayer?"

Roxy snickered.

"Christian says the castle is haunted, so perhaps we'll get to meet some new friends!" I added cheerfully.

"The one who slays vampires? That Buffy?'

Raphael got to his feet and pulled Joy to hers. "I believe this is our cue to leave. Come along Roxy; I'll help you pack."

She trailed Joy and Raphael out the door, pausing to pat Christian on the shoulder. "I'm sure she's too young yet to learn how to focus her energy. I mean, it must take a great amount of concentration for a ghost to be able to wield a hammer and stake, don't you think?"

I pushed her out the door and closed it, then opened it and stuck my head out, saying, "Thank you all for everything!" before closing it behind me again.

Antonio eyed Christian's chest, his fingers stroking his beard. "A 'ammer and stake. Why 'ave I never thought of that?"

"I will be happy to give you something to think about," Christian warned as he started toward Antonio, who promptly drew out his sword. Alis wandered over to her favorite vase and started yelling at it. Esme held Mr. Woogums above the puddle he'd left, and scolded him. Honoria and Jem squabbled over who got control of the TV remote.

I sighed happily and leaned back against the door, my eyes catching Christian's as he withstood Antonio's rapier attack.

We will have them forever, you know, Beloved. So long as we live, so shall they exist.

I know. But somehow, with you standing next to me, I think I can bear just about anything.

Antonio lunged with a particularly cruel thrust to Christian's heart.

He sighed in my head as he waved Antonio's image away. I would not tolerate this for any other woman, malý váleèník. Only for my Beloved will I sacrifice my peace.

I laughed and stepped forward into his waiting arms. "We really are going to have to work on this arrogant attitude of yours."