Seed on the Wind

Downstairs the children were waiting for her and ran to seat themselves at the table as soon as she appeared. There was hot bean soup and a huge tomato omelet and crackers and jam. Lillian hurried in and out, and all four talked at once. Panther insisted that Julian go and wash his hands; Lora nodded, and Julian went. Morris said that the brightest boy in his class always had dirty hands and if he washed them they got cracks and he would bleed till they were red all over, and then if he kept on washing them they would keep on bleeding and get all over his books and all over his clothes — Roy stopped him. He needed twenty cents, he said, to help pay for a class basketball. He had thought it over and decided that it could not properly be taken from his allowance. Why not, Panther wanted to know, since her contribution for victrola records had been taken from her allowance. This was different, he retorted, basketball was sport, not lessons; what about her tennis racket, for instance, had she paid for that? It wasn’t that he didn’t have the twenty cents or was unwilling to spend it; the point was whether it was fair. He had thought it over carefully and decided that it wasn’t. Lora agreed to pay it, and appeased Panther with a wink which she understood: oh, these men, it’s simpler to humor them than argue about it.

Nothing was left but crackers and jam when Lora suddenly announced:

“I’m going to town this afternoon and won’t get home till after dinner. Lillian is left in charge; do you hear, Lillian? Panther will put Julian to bed and the rest of you will go as usual, and don’t turn the clock back.”

“We were going in tomorrow to get me an overcoat,” Roy reminded her.

“Yes.” She hesitated. “Next week will do; there’s no hurry. I may stay overnight and come back out in the morning. Or afternoon even.”

“Will you see Lewis?” Morris demanded.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Tell him my wagon broke.”

Roy and Panther were looking at her. She felt confused and embarrassed, and was furious at herself for it. Her own children, nothing but babies really — how silly! She pushed her chair back and got up.

“Can we go in the car tomorrow?” Roy asked.

“May,” Panther corrected.

“No. Not till I get home. Run along now, you’ll be late.”

Upstairs again she dressed hurriedly but with particularity, choosing a tan wool dress, and a brown coat with fur collar which she had bought only recently. It was her favorite dress, and she had a felt hat of the same shade. Assuredly it was no dried-up nun who faced her in the mirror as she stood for final inspection. She had sent word to Stan to be ready with the car at a quarter to two, and now she could hear the low hum of the engine, warming up, from the back yard. She was taking no bag. First she had thought she would, and then, without deciding not to, she just didn’t. She had two errands left downstairs: she got her checkbook from the desk in the living room and wrote a check for two hundred dollars and put it in her purse, and on the way out she stopped at the kitchen to give Lillian a few instructions. Stan had the car waiting on the driveway; as she got in she asked him to go first to the village bank. She didn’t know exactly why she was taking so much money; you might think it was me Pete’s holding up, she thought, as she took the bills from the teller and stuffed them in her purse. From the bank it was only a minute to the station.

On the train she remained uncertain; maybe all night; maybe not; it all depended. What kind of a room would Pete have? Well... not fastidious. And the extra keys he talked about... It would be better to take a room in a hotel. Since he had lost his job she could pay for it. She had never been in a hotel room, not once in her life, and she shrank a little from the idea, but it was exciting too. They could go to a hotel at once and go to bed, and later they could have dinner brought to them in the room without bothering to put their clothes on; things like that were done all the time in hotels, they thought nothing of it. In the morning they could have breakfast the same way, and afterwards dress and go out for a walk, in Central Park perhaps; then lunch at the Swiss restaurant on Forty-seventh Street, and after that back to the hotel for an hour or two before she caught a train home. That would get her back well before dinner...

It was a shame about Roy’s overcoat. The preceding Saturday it had been given up on account of the rain, and here it was postponed again. She was reminded of a time many years ago when she had wanted a bright red jacket that was on display in a store window and her father had said it was too conspicuous and wouldn’t get it for her. She had refused to eat any dinner that evening, but when Martha brought a plate of escalloped salmon to her room at bedtime she had given in and eaten every bite. The next day her mother had spelled conspicuous for her and she had looked it up in the dictionary...