Riding Rockets

To make matters worse, there were no firsts associated with our crew to give us some HQ PR cover. White males on a space shuttle were as newsworthy as white males on a hockey team, and there were five of us palefaces on the crew. Judy was merely Sally Ride’s runner-up. We had nothing in the way of a celebrity first to protect us from the ax, whereas other downstream missions included the first spacewalk by a woman and the first satellite retrieval mission. HQ was going to ensure those high-visibility missions flew as planned. I told Hank he should get a sex-change operation so we’d have the first transgender astronaut aboard to protect us. He declined.

Astronaut office politics were also a significant cause for worry. There wasn’t an air force astronaut who didn’t think George Abbey was navy-biased in his flight assignments. Nine of the first eleven shuttle missions had been commanded by active duty or retired navy astronauts. Hank Hartsfield was only the second astronaut with air force roots to command a mission. And a glance downstream showed crews commanded by Crippen, Hauck, and Mattingly—all navy. If anybody was going to get screwed because ofDiscovery ’s delay, it wasn’t going to be them. They had Godfather Abbey’s protection. I felt as if the entire STS-41D crew were walking around with a sign pinned to our backs: “Cancel This Mission.”

But it didn’t happen. Instead, the ax fell on STS-41F, Bo Bobko’s mission. His payload would be added to ours, while he and his crew would be cut adrift to find something else downstream. Bo was retired air force. The USAF astronaut contingent cursed Abbey…again. I felt bad for Bo and company, but not for long. We were Lazarus back from the dead or, in this case, back in the front of the line.

Our major payloads would now include three communication satellites and Judy’s solar panel experiment. We would also have a new center engine. Ground tests had been unable to duplicate the problem with the original SSME. Engineers could only assume there had been some minute contamination in the hydraulic system, which had caused a fuel value to malfunction. As a precaution, the engine was replaced.

August 29, 1984, found us once again in the cockpit ofDiscovery. By now we were old hands at strapping in and waiting. But it didn’t get any easier. My bladder continued to torture me. My heart continued to race away in fear. And it didn’t get any easier forDiscovery. At T-9 minutes our third launch attempt was scrubbed for a Master Events Controller (MEC) malfunction. I was going to vomit before I got into space.

August 30. Another day. Another launch attempt. While awaiting our turns to enter the cockpit Judy and I slapped mosquitoes off each other’s back. The little bastards could drill right through our flight suits. Judy observed that the insects seemed worse than yesterday. I told her it was because our launch scrubs had trained them. “They knew we’d be standing here this morning. And they know we’ll be standing here at this exact time tomorrow, the next day, and every day afterward. We’re on their menu every day.”

Judy brushed away my pessimism. “We’ll do it today, Tarzan. I’ve got good vibes.”

I didn’t share her enthusiasm. I was emotionally exhausted. Clinical depression was on the horizon, suicide to follow.

A call came from the white room that it was my turn to be harnessed up. For the fourth time I embraced Judy. “This is the only thing fun about these scrubs. I get to hug you every morning.”

Judy smiled. “That’s sexual harassment, Tarzan.”

“I hope so.”

I wished her good luck and walked toward the cockpit.

She called after me. “See you in space, Tarzan.”

As the hours ticked by, I began to believe Judy’s vibes were right. The count proceeded smoothly. Milestone after milestone came and went without a negative word being spoken. The weather was great in Florida and at our abort sites. A little sunshine began to melt my black pessimism.

Then it happened again. We were notified the T-9 minute hold would be extended. This time the problem was with the Ground Launch Sequencer (GLS). I guessed we’d never get off the ground until everything broke at least one time. I ached for Donna and the kids, back on the LCC roof. It had to be killing them.