Phantom: Chainfire Trilogy Part 2

"It's not at all the same… I always knew you were exceptional, but now that I see you, like this… you are a remarkable creature. Just… remarkable."

Kahlan wondered what he meant when he'd said that he had perceived her through the eyes of others. She wondered if he meant that he had watched her through the eyes of the Sisters. She was struck by an unexpected thought that rattled her: it was the thought of him having watched her undressing when she had thought that only a Sister was there. It filled her with an icy rage at such a violation.

He had been there, then, watching her, planning this. But at the same time she got the feeling that he was talking about something else, too. There was more to his words, more meaning in them, something hidden. Something in the way he'd said it made her think that he was talking about something in her life before the Sisters, back before she had lost who she was. She was angry thinking about him watching her through the Sisters, but thinking about him seeing her before, in her life that she couldn't remember, rattled her.

He abruptly rolled over onto her. "You can't imagine how long I've waited to do this to you."

Her breathing, and her heartbeat, had only just started to settle down. Now, it was happening too fast. Her heart was again thumping against her ribs. She wanted to slow him down, to give herself time to think of a way to prevent him from doing this to her. At the feel of his flesh against hers, though, her mind went blank. She couldn't think of any way to stop him. She could only fixate on how badly she didn't want him to do this.

She reminded herself of the promises she had made to herself. She was better than him; she should act like it.

She said nothing. She stared past him up at the roof of the tent illuminated softly in the lamplight.

"You can't imagine how much I've wanted to do this to you," he said in a suddenly menacing voice. "You can't imagine how much you have this coming to you."

She shifted her gaze to meet his nightmare eyes. "No, I can't. So just get on with it and spare me a speech that means nothing to me, since I have no idea what you're talking about."

She turned her eyes away to stare off once more. She wanted to show him only indifference. She freed her mind to wander. It wasn't easy with him pressing against her, about to have his way with her, but she did her best to ignore him, to think about other things. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a struggle she would only lose. She thought about the Ja'La game, not because it was something she wished to think about, but because it was fresh enough in her mind to be easy to recall in detail.

He abruptly hooked his arms behind her knees and pulled her legs up almost to her chest. It was hard to breathe. It hurt her hip joints to be bent like that, with her legs spread that way, but she swallowed back the scream and tried to ignore the way he was trying to control her, to dominate her as he took her.

"If he knew… this would kill him."

Kahlan's eyes turned to him. She could only pull in half a breath against the weight of him. "Who are you talking about?"

She thought that maybe it was her father — a father she didn't remember. Perhaps she had a father who was a commander in the army, and that was why she seemed to know how to fight with a knife. She couldn't imagine who else he could be talking about.

She wanted to say something to deflate him, but she thought better of it and remained silent, indifferent.

Jagang's mouth was on her ear. His rough stubble scraped painfully against her cheek and neck. His breathing was fast and ragged. He was lost to the lust he was about to unleash on her.

"If only you knew… this would kill you," he said, obviously and profoundly pleased with the thought.

Even more puzzled, she remained silent, her worry building about what he could possibly mean.

She thought he was about to resume his obviously lecherous need, but he rested there, holding her legs open, staring down at her. The length of his hairy body pressed against her, on the brink of his intent. With his weight on her, she could hardly get a breath, but she knew that any protest would only be met with disinterest in what discomfort he might be causing her.

In a way, she wished he would just hurry up and get it over with. The waiting was making her crazy. She wanted to scream, but she refused to allow herself to. She couldn't help dreading how much he would hurt her, how long it might last — how it would undoubtedly be repeated not just this night but in the nights to come. Had not his bull-weight been pressing her down into the bed she would have been trembling in terrible anticipation.

"No," he said to himself. "No, this is not what I want."

Kahlan was bewildered. She wasn't sure she had heard what she thought she'd heard.

He let go of her legs, letting them slip down onto the bed as he pushed himself up on his hands. She wished he weren't lying between her legs so that she could draw them together.