On the Wings of Hope : Prose

Before going to a campaign, composes a ballad Of The Great And Mighty Red Dragon, Covering The Half Of Firmament On A Flight. Becomes greatly inspired when a half of local small town comes to attend to this concert. Then composes a ballad Of The Fearless Hero Who Went On A Campaign Against The Bane Of The Heavens. After having received a thousand question of who is this fearless hero, decides that time for a campaign has probably finally come. Moves into adventuring, composing new and new ballads on the way Of The Battle With Red Wyrm, Of The Red Plague Of Heavens and on, and on, thereby constantly gathering around him crowds of local gapers. When he reaches dragon’s den at last, discovers that all that public has been blown off like by the fire. Enters a lair, singing a ballad Of The Young Bard, Fearlessly Stepping Into A Lair Of The Ancient Beast. Having entered the lair and come across remains of your adventurers, composes on the fly a tearful song Of The Heroes, Who Disgracefully Died In The Dark Cave, trying to encourage himself. When a dragon, awakened by some hoarse singing voice, flies up to him, tries to compose a lullaby ballade Of How The Dragon Went Into Eternal Rest. The dragon, however, completely unimpressed with such melodies, exhales a burst of flame, and after that event all the remaining crowd have to compose in joint efforts a new (in last in this season) ballade Of How The Hero Over Here Was Lost In The Den Over There.

9. Monk

Before going into a campaign, diligently meditates for some days, trying to dive into Nirvana. Having left this blissful state, finds out that that time for campaign has already come a long time ago – and then finally moves on. Having passed several kilometers and having been tired of such slow way of movement, starts running and thus surpasses all remaining distance in mere several hours. Having run to a den, sits down in a pose of lotus and plunges himself into meditation once again. Having left this blissful state after several days, finds out that he’s just in the time borders of his journey. Runs into a lair. On the fly diligently maneuvers across heaps of bones and skulls, trying not to bash any of them. Having not noticed a dragon on the move, bashes into him – and then sits down near its paws and plunges himself into deepest meditation. The woken up dragon breathes a stream of fire, which does not cause the hero any harm, for he has already made his body absolutely immune to pain. By that time the monk, who has left meditation, notices that the dragon has already woken up, and enters a fistfight with him. After that the dragon needs only to regale on a body and (separately) head of the hero, which have now been made totally and absolutely immune to any sorts of pain.

21.10.2010

How RPG heroes will brawl in a tavern

1. Fighter

Constantly holds an impressive bastard sword in his hands before the eyes of his listeners, sometimes swinging it clockwise in hands for the sake of impression. When some listener tries to object him, moves his sword closer to that impudent one and put it on his shoulder, unambiguously looking in his eyes. After that the objecting one immediately loses all desires to object.

2. Thief

While everyone argue with each other, has enough time to empty pockets of ten gapers, to steal pair of mugs of ale from local barman and to expropriate a necklace from a neck of his daughter, - and then hides in shadows and waits until everyone becomes bothered enough to be still engaged in this phrase-mongering. After dispute comes to an end and loss is being detected and the alarm starts to reign in the tavern, thief has enough time to cut even more purses of the traders, who have so inopportunely appeared here, and even to relief pockets of one of guards, who has come to pacify commoners, from his recent pay. After that he safely slips away from a tavern into darkness of night and disappears in it without the court. 

3. Priest

When he is displeased with something or huffs seriously, he calls the debater as “daemon” and casts Exorcism on him. The spell, as a rule of the thumb, does not make any actual effect, but, nevertheless, is accompanied by such grandiose illuminations, that inspired public immediately falls on knees altogether and start singing prayers to the priest. And the priest, well, starts singing them to his deity.

4. Paladin