No Contest

“C’mon, Little Father, I’m not asking you how you’re doing today. I’m asking you how you feel. How do you feel physically? How do you think you will feel a year from now or five years from now? Do you feel like you can keep going in, you know, this capacity?”

Chiun considered his answer. Or maybe he was considering the question, but he answered eventually. “I feel strong, Remo Williams. I feel good. But sometimes I feel my age. Does this worry you?”

“I don’t know. The Masters of Sinanju can live for decades more than other men. But you’ve already done that.”

Chiun smirked. “Don’t count your inheritance yet, my son. I think I will last for a few more years.”

Remo tried to sound lighthearted. “What makes you so sure? You have some sort of secret?”

“Perhaps.”

“Age-defying skin cream? A specially formulated Vitamin E supplement that actually reverses the cellular damage of age?”

“Yes. The first guess was correct. It is a skin cream.”

“And that’s the straightest answer I’m getting, right?”

“Yes.”

“You gonna turn me on to some of that skin cream?”

“Not while I still live. But after I am gone, you may open up my last will and testament. Paper clipped inside you shall find the business card of the housewife who peddles my cosmetics. She is the source of this life-extending skin cream. She is quite intelligent and resourceful—so much so, her company bestowed upon her a pink car.”

“Must be really expensive skin cream, but worth every penny. You look marvelous.”

“You are an unskilled liar, but I appreciate your efforts. I shall prepare tea for us.” Chiun rose gracefully to his feet.

“Sounds great,” Remo said.

“After which, you shall prepare dinner.”

Chapter 44

It was an uncomfortable group that gathered in the morning for the wrap-up.

“I wish I could tell you that international strain is easing as a result of the exposure of MacBisCo,” Harold Smith said. “It seems to have hurt rather than helped—although America isn’t the only target anymore.”

“Who, then?” Remo asked.

“Who isn’t?” Mark Howard responded. “The Germans and the Swiss and the Austrians are furious with one another, but they’re allied against the Kiwis and the U.S. Everybody is mad at the Australians. All of Europe is mad at the U.K. China is ticked off at Russia.”

“You lost me. What do China and Russia have to do with the extreme games?”

“Nothing, and that’s odd,” Smith said. “There are significant tensions building around the globe, and now that the games aren’t there to keep the pot stirring, conflicts are emerging randomly.”

“It’s like everybody wants to pick a fight with everyone else,” Mark Howard said. “I don’t like it”

It was an odd turn of phrase. He stared determinedly at his computer screen.

The corner of Smith’s mouth turned down thoughtfully. “Let us hope it does indeed die down in the coming days. I see no reason why it should not. Master Chiun, has the bird said anything noteworthy?”

“Not as yet, Emperor. The creature will make his purpose known when the time is right.”

“Have you come to any conclusion as to who may have sent him?”

“No person sent him, Emperor. Of this I am confident.”

“I see. Remo? Shall we begin our renegotiations this morning?”

“Smitty, you look beat,” Remo said. “Maybe tomorrow. Get some sleep. I wouldn’t want to take advantage of you.”

“Isn’t that what you’ve done?” Mark Howard asked without animosity. “Exploit your position of strength to force the issue.”

“I guess so. Isn’t that what all negotiations are about?”

“This is not the lesson of Sinanju,” Chiun responded hastily. “Bargaining from a position of strength is acceptable, but violating your contract to achieve it is inexcusable,” Chiun maintained stoically, and a little sadly.

“What, me? A Sinanju Master? Violate a contract?” Chiun looked at his protégé’s smug expression. “Of course you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Remo,” Dr. Smith said in irritation, “whatever I have agreed to, I agreed to it because you did violate our contract. There’s no argument there.”

“Yes, there is,” Remo said. “I read the contract. My understanding of the contract is that the Master of Sinanju is to perform his duties to previously set standards. I did that. You wanted us to go to the nude luge. You wanted us at the ice skating babe-a-thon. You wanted us in Australia and New Zealand. I was there for you.”

Smith was aghast. “You weren’t. You told me you quit You refused to do what I asked you to do. You can’t disobey orders and expect that to fulfill your contract.”

“I always have,” Remo said without concern.

“Previously set standards of performance?” Mark Howard asked.

“You got it, Junior.”

“That is a juvenile interpretation of our agreement,” Chiun spit. “Here I must side with the Emperor, Remo. You may not ignore the finer points of the arrangement.”

“I followed the arrangement as I understood it. I did my homework. I read the thing, and more than once. It hurt worse than eighth-grade algebra, but I did it.”