No Contest

“That is doubtful, else you would know the folly of interrupting wisdom when it is presented to you like a rare gift.”

“Please go on.”

Chiun’s scowl made it plain he was deciding if he would go on or not. The suspense wasn’t killing Remo. Chiun didn’t leave stories untold once he started them.

“Whatever he truly thought of Ankhenespepi, she convinced him that he was infatuated with her. She convinced him, too, that she was in need of a lover, as she had no husband. Only a Master of Sinanju would have the skills to carry on an affair with a closely watched royal regent without being suspected. Any other man would eventually make a mistake, be witnessed sneaking to or from his liaison with her. ‘Such exposure would be used against me to depose me of my role and clear the way for my son to be saddled with a regent who will be a usurper,’ she told the fool Yeou Gang. ‘Would you allow your true love to face ignominy and allow an entire nation to face its future under a dictator?’ By the time she was through with him, Yeou Gang was under her control.

“But when he told Ghu Ung he planned to stay with Ankhenespepi, the wise old Master knew the truth. Ghu Ung asked, ‘It is better to plunge your own people into poverty and starvation than to let this woman be denied a throne for her infidelities?’ Yeou Gang heeded this, for he was nothing if not dedicated to the village. This lesson was ingrained in him.

“Yeou Gang went to take his leave of Ankhenespepi, explaining his reasoning, to which the regent had her own justification. She would pay Yeou Gang to stay with her. Sinanju would get its gold, and Yeou Gang would be her savior.”

Remo’s ire was rising, but he kept it to himself.

“This did come to pass, despite the pleading of the wise Ghu Ung. Yeou Gang was satisfied that this was the best decision, and was too stubborn to be swayed. Why are you fidgeting? Do you need to go to the bathroom?”

“Just getting my boxers in a bunch over your lesson.”

“Ah. You understand its meaning?”

“Not at all. What’s Yeou Gang the Gigolo got to do with me?”

“You are repeating his mistakes,” Chiun said reasonably. “Yeou Gang’s prostitution could not be kept secret. Within his lifetime, he was known as the Trollop of Sinanju and by other names less tasteful. This damaged the reputation of the Sinanju assassins for years to come. Of course, the gossip about Yeou Gang took decades to spread to all the courts of the world. You will accomplish such ruination by Friday evening, primetime.”

“So what happened to Yeou Gang?” Remo asked.

“He left Ankhenespepi when she couldn’t continue embezzling gold sufficient to pay his fee and could no longer convince him that he was in love with her. And Yeou Gang was nothing if not determined to be a good Master to his people. He returned to Sinanju and Ghu Ung retired there, although he feared what might become of the new Master without guidance.

“It was only then, as Yeou Gang sought new employment, that he began to hear the name-calling. Yeou Gang eventually understood this difficult lesson, if he understood nothing else in his life. His actions had repercussions that were long-lasting and uncontrollable. The image of the Sinanju Masters was tainted around the world. Yeou Gang knew years of shame, and the befouled reputation was not soon forgotten.”

“But even the Masters would rather not have the story down in writing,” Remo added.

Chiun did not disagree.

“Miss, how long until we land in Sydney?” Remo asked a passing flight attendant.

“Depends on how soon we take off,” she replied, roaming his body with her eyes. “Need help passing the time?”

“Do not seek a dalliance with him unless you wish to have yourself put on film and televised across America,” Chiun warned.

The flight attendant bit her lower lip thoughtfully. “Okay.”

“It was a rhetorical statement. Be gone, hussy.”

“You don’t let that old man tell you what to do, do you?” she asked Remo.

“Sweetheart, you wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”

“Come up front with me,” she urged.

“Sorry. Maybe another flight.” When the plane finally raced down the runway and started the long journey to Australia, he said, “I’m not like Yeou Gang.”

“He was pure-blood Korean.”

“I’m not like Yeou Gang in other ways. This TV show is kind of sleazy, sure, but it’s not the same as performing stud service for the wanna-be queen of the Nile.”

“Yes, it is like that.”

“But there’s no sex. The Chinos don’t come off.”

“You slobbered your lips against those of a famous diva, whose identity even now tantalizes the nation. They show this on the television. They also show her without her garments.”

“She got herself naked. We mashed lips, but I never groped her goodies. That took a little self-control, you know.”

“This makes it acceptable behavior?” Chiun demanded.

“Hey, even I know it’s a sleazy thing to do” Remo admitted.

“So why do it?” Chiun demanded.

“Because I can.”

“That is not a reason.”

“Maybe someday it’ll make sense.”