Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Dev's elbow hits my back and I press forward and she's right there and I'm reaching out and she's right there and right at that moment the amps amplify and the music takes on such a pulse that it becomes my heartbeat and her heartbeat and I know it and she knows it and this is the point where we could break apart and that would be it, totally it. But I look into her eyes and she looks into my eyes and we recognize it-the excitement of being here, the excitement of being now. And maybe I'm realizing what a part of it she is and maybe she's realizing what a part of it I am, because suddenly we're not crashing as much as we're combining. The chords swirling around us are becoming a tornado, tightening and tightening and tightening, and we are at the center of it, and we are at the center of each other. My wrist touches hers right at the point of our pulses, and I swear I can feel it. That thrum. We are moving to the music and at the same time we are a stillness. I am not losing myself in the barrage. I am finding her. And she is-yes, she is finding me. The crowd is pressing in on us and the bassline is revealing everything and we are two people who are part of a lot more people, and at the same time we're our own part. There isn't loneliness, only this intense twoliness. There's only one way to test it, and that is to dare a movement, to push it farther and see if she wants it to go there. I find her lips and I make that kiss and she's pulling my hair and I've got the fabric of her jacket bunched in a fist and it's nothing like talking and it's right there and we're taking it and taking it and taking it. And my eyes are closed and then my eyes are open and I see her eyes are open and there's a part of her that's pulling back even as our bodies are pressing and it's the fear, of course there's the fear, and I just hold her close to tell her I understand.

Lars L. launches straight into "Take Me Back, Bitch" and I flinch and Norah sees it and I have no way of saying it's not her, it's not now, it's the ten thousand thens that she has nothing to do with. I lean in and kiss her again, the same way that you run to your room and blast the music when your parents start shouting. I know it won't work and it doesn't work because some things you don't need to hear in order to hear. The mind has an ear of its own and sometimes memory is the fiercest fucking DJ alive.

Now Norah's yelling "What?" and it is a question for me. And then she says the hardest question of all-the one that takes so much hurt and bravery to ask-which is "Why did you stop?" and the bassline is too strong and my body is being battered from all sides and one of my favorite bands has turned against me and I'm yelling "I CAN'T TALK TO YOU HERE" and she screams "WHAT?" and I am right in her ear and yell "NOT HERE" and then "I CAN'T TALK."

Her hand finds my hand and immediately I'm being led away. We are piercing through the rumbling tumbling crowd and our arms are like the most precarious bridge, held together by that single, pulling clasp. I think, If she lets go, it's all over. If I let go, it's all over. And because she is holding on so tight, I hold on so tight. I am being jostled from all sides-I know there will be bruises tomorrow-but somehow this hand-hold is immune. Somehow we stay together. We are graced, and we are together, and the twoliness is trumping the loneliness and the doubt and the fear. We are making it through. Thank you, music. Damn you, memories. Thank you, present.

She looks around, then gets me into a small room to the side of the Laddies' Room. It's the size of a closet, and it's dominated by a lime-green couch in front of a big mirror. There's a priest's collar thrown over the back of the couch, and plenty of open makeup. I expect Norah to look at me mischievously, but instead she looks determined. She keeps hold of my hand and launches herself into me, squeezing and grappling and kissing me so hard my lips can barely kiss back.