Myth-Gotten Gains

"I must have it, or my grandfather will never be freed," Calypsa said, wringing her hands. "Please, we have little time to lose. Barrik will lose patience with me!"

"What about it?" I asked Kelsa. "Where is the Ring?"

Kelsa looked apologetic. "I am so sorry," she said. "I have tried time and time again to locate him, but he must be in the midst of some very powerful magik. I have received the same sounds, and nothing more. Here, I'll let you hear them. Perhaps you can gain some clue from them?"

The Crystal Ball turned entirely black. Someone was humming tunelessly, drowned out by rushing sounds like a stream flowing. I could hear the clank of metal-on-metal. Nothing else.

We all concentrated on the image.

"Looks like a black cat sleeping in a coal bin," I said. "No good, Kelsa. Can you bring it in a little clearer?"

"I'm not a television set! This is the best I can do!"

"How about you?" I asked Payge.

"Alas, no. Nothing is written within me about the finding of Bozebos yet. You can go over the possible scenarios."

"How many?"

"Five thousand."

"Forget it. You people aren't much help. Maybe we can do a little detective work. We can go to the Bazaar and a few other places who know where choice jewelry and magik items are being traded around the dimensions. I'll need a description. What's he look like?"

The face under the turban began its eye-bulging antics again, then vanished. An image started to coalesce in its place inside

the globe. "Here is the ring Bozebos, great circle of eternity. Its golden band was mined from the same seam that produced the rest of us. We are brothers and sisters in the metal. The wizard Prumdar fashioned it in his workshop under a year's worth of full moons. The gems adorning it are of equal quality, all precious beyond compare. Behold, the Diamond of Justice! The Sapphire of Purity! The Spinel of Curiosity. The Cubic Zirconia of Economy..."

"Gaudy, ain't it," I observed.

"That could not possibly be the Ring," Calypsa said, gawking at it.

"Why not?" I asked. "It looks like the mother of all magikal rings. In fact, it looks like several put together. Iiberace would have loved it."

"Who's Liberace?" Calypsa asked. For a moment I thought about Skeeve, and how he never got my cultural references, either.

"Never mind," I said. "WHY can't this be the Ring?"

"It cannot possibly be great Bozebos, because it is a piece of junk jewelry that my grandfather got from his mother, who received it from her father's mother. He wears it when he does his Dance of Lights."

Tananda and I looked at each other. I raised an eyebrow.

"There is no way that Barrik didn't know that," she said. "I'd bet the last pair of panties in my underwear drawer."

"If we didn't think this was all a trap before, I'm sure of it now," I said. "Kid, Barrik has no intention of freeing your grandfather once you bring the Golden Hoard to him. In fact, if you do it, you'll be lucky to escape with your life."

"That is the rede of what I have been seeking to convince her," Ersatz said. "We need an approach that will upset the wizard's plans."

"Grandfather has the last of the treasures!" Calypsa said, absorbing at last what we'd just spent the last several minutes telling her. "Then we must take the rest to Barrik immediately."

"No way."

"But, Aahz! You have been saying all along..."

I cut her off.

"I changed my mind. We can't do it."

"Tananda!" The girl pleaded. "We must go."

Tananda shook her head. "I agree with Aahz. It's a trap. You can't walk in there and expect a fair deal. You'll hand the Hoard to him, and he'll have his minions take them away so that he doesn't have to pay off on his promise. He wants to keep the old man locked up forever, probably to discourage any other Walts from thumbing their noses, er, beaks at him."

"Then, what shall I do?" Calypsa asked, piteously.

"You have us. We have the power between us to break any stronghold," Ersatz assured her. "And with your promise as a swordswoman and me in your hand, none shall harm you."

"You're thinking of setting her, one inexperienced girl, alone against a castleful of minions?" I asked disbelievingly.

"I believe that she will not be ALONE," as you suggest so insultingly, friend Aahz. We will be with her. We shall undertake this rescue ourselves. Pardon me for my forwardness, Calypsa, but you are inexperienced in these matters. We will take the lead, if you do not mind."

"Thank you," she said, looking at the Sword with an expression of admiration and trust.

"Tananda and I have plenty of experience at rescues and dealing with enemy wizards," I said.

"Perhaps," Payge said, vaguely. "Do you mind not intruding? My colleagues and I are conferring. All right, sharpie, what is it you think we should do?"

"Hey!" I protested. "What am I, chopped liver?"

"Silence, Pervect," Asti said. "This is none of your concern."

I goggled at her. Ersatz's eyes turned pensive.