Myth-Gotten Gains

The next morning, I was feeling refreshed. The Flute's fame was such that even though the going away party wasn't announced until evening, in two hours flat, the place was packed with fans, cheering, weeping, screaming. Buirnie played a medley of his greatest hits, music created in a few dozen dimensions over an equal number of centuries. I could see why the producer didn't want to let go of such a guaranteed moneymaker. I had taken him aside and negotiated a cut of the proceeds, based upon my forbearance in not removing his star from the premises the moment Buirnie had made his farewell announcement. The producer wasn't happy about it, but he coughed up. The small bulge the 'honorarium' made in my purse didn't come close to the output I had made already on Calypsa's behalf, but I didn't see any point in having an opportunity go by. The deal gave me something to enjoy in the party that followed.

The others didn't mind the delay. Kelsa had a ball, so to speak, telling fortunes all night in the corner. With several

free hours ahead of her, Asti didn't waste a moment talking Buirnie into lending her his metal-work crew. She went in for the full treatment. Afterwards, I hardly recognized her. All the dents had been beaten out of her. Every inch of her had been polished to a blinding gleam. She was in such a good mood that she woke us all up before dawn and made espresso for everyone, laced with something that took care of the hangover I was nursing from drinking a case or two of the cheap red wine the caterers had supplied. A couple of the stage hands packed up what was left of the hors d'oeuvres from the canape tables for me. It was hardly enough for a Pervish-size snack, but it would do until I found somewhere to get elevenses. The Golden Hoard had been tucked into their cases. The only thing I needed now was directions.

"All right," I said, clapping my hands together. "Let's get this show on the road. Where are we going?" I asked Kelsa. "I am only going to ask that question one time, and one time only, and that's because I am in such a good mood."

"No problem!" Kelsa assured me. "I will prognosticate... could you pipe down!"

This was addressed to Buirnie, who was carrying on about something or other. His entourage was fussing over him so much that I couldn't understand what he was saying.

"Well, at least let the little lady carry me. She can give Ersatz to one of the other two," Buirnie suggested.

"Unthinkable!" Ersatz roared.

"I will carry both of you," Calypsa said.

"But we cannot touch one another. I can't stand his emanations."

"I don't like your vibes, either," Buirnie said.

"Good," I said, with relief. "She can put one of you on each shoulder. Let's go."

The Flute let out a warning whistle.

"Not so fast! I can't go without my entourage."

"What?" I asked. "You're out of your mind!"

Buirnie looked indignant. "You're not seriously thinking that I am going with you tucked in your breast pocket like a fountain pen, do you? I have luggage! Do you have mules?"

"Nope." I was firm.

"A truck?"

"No."

"How about a wagon train? Eight carts ought to do it."

I folded my arms. "You get one bag for yourself. If you don't want to share it with anyone, then they'll have to come separately. Calypsa isn't going to carry anything but you."

"Oh, that's no problem," Buirnie said, his embouchure quirking into a smile. "Klik!"

Out of the rafters the light came sailing down toward us. "Zildie!"

The snare drum waddled over to us. I could see that it stood on three feet made of bent wire about half an inch in diameter.

"Let's see...Buffanda, where are you, darling?"

"Coming, Fifie!" a playful voice called from the wings. An animated polishing cloth flew out and curled itself around the Flute's skinny body. "The other girls are folding themselves. Give us a moment. Do you want the brushes, too?"

"Sure!" Buirnie said. "I need to look my best on the road!"

"You are not taking all that with you," Ersatz said.

"Why not?" Buirnie replied. "They're my buds. They help me stay inspired."

'This is not fit. You should be complete in and of yourself."

"Get with the current century, brother! Don't you ever feel like you want a cheering section? Pepping up?"

"Of course not," Ersatz said. "That would look foolish on the battlefield! Should you require 'pepping up,' as you call it, ought you not sing yourself a rousing air and raise your spirits in that fashion?"

"Nope. I prefer applause. There's just something in the sound of hands clapping that I can't resist. It just feels great."

"Dilettante."

"Bore." "Lightweight."

"Tone-deaf!"

"Loudmouth!"

"Unworthy impostor! The Harp had a far greater heart than you will ever have!"

"Oh, so that's it!" the Flute exclaimed. "You still think he should be here, not me! Well, brother, so sorry that I didn't tear myself to pieces on the battlefield! I've saved plenty of lives in my time, as well as enriching the culture of dimensions I've passed through. I doubt you could say the same!"