Much Ado About Murder

Simon Hawke Much Ado About Murder

The third book in the Shakespeare and Smythe series, 2002

To

my wife, Deborah

Who puts up with a lot

1

IT WAS A QUIET NIGHT in the taproom of the Toad and Badger as Tuck Smythe sat down to a simple supper of dark oat bread, ale, and pottage. A quiet night at the Toad and Badger tavern, however, did not necessarily mean the night was quiet in any generally accepted meaning of the phrase. It simply meant that no crockery was being hurled, no furniture was being overturned, and no skulls were being broken. (Admittedly, broken skulls did not occur as frequently as broken furniture and crockery, largely because players, as a rule, had less of a tendency toward violence than histrionics.) Smythe knew that the occasional broken bone or two was not altogether out of the question, but then such incidents did not often involve actors, who usually knew well enough to make a timely exit to the wings whenever the action center stage became a bit unruly.

Despite the general tumult over which the ursine Courtney Stackpole presided as the innkeeper, Smythe took comfort in the fact that the Toad and Badger was not really the sort of tavern where blood could flow as freely as small beer. Those sorts of places could more readily be found in Southwark or Whitechapel, where seamen from the trading ships and mercenaries from the foreign wars often brawled with the weatherbeaten rivermen and tough drovers from the Midlands. In such places, on any given night, blades could be drawn as readily as ale. The Toad and Badger, fortunately, was not that sort of tavern. It was rowdy and boisetrous, to be sure, but for all that, it was more loud than lethal and its charm lay primarily in the eccentricities of its patrons, most of whom were simple tradesmen and entertainers.

On this particular occasion, the atmosphere within the tavern was unusually subdued, in large part because the fortunes of the Queen’s Men were lately in decline. The previous summer, they had gone out on tour throughout the English countryside, but their performances had not brought in nearly as much as they had hoped. The harvests had been poor for two years running, and while people in the countryside were generally starved for entertainment, many of them were also quite literally starving and could scarcely afford even the very reasonable price of admission to a play.

In many villages where they had stopped, rather than set up in the courtyard of a local inn, as was their custom, the Queen’s Men had erected their stage out in a village square, then played for free to gain an audience. Afterwards, they would simply pass the hat. All too often, unfortunately, they had found that the number of people in their audience had well outnumbered the few coins that they had left behind.

To add insult to their injury, there were numerous bands of cozeners, vagabonds, and sharpers traveling the countryside of late, posing as legitimate companies of players. They would herald their arrival in a town with a fanfare of cornets and sackbuts, then with dramatic gestures, posturings, and declamations, the imposters would announce themselves as “the famed and legendary Queen’s Men,” or “the illustrious and acclaimed Lord Admiral’s Men,” or “the Earl of Leicester’s Own Grand Company of Players,” when, in fact, they had no legitimate noble patron whatsoever and thus possessed no right under the law to perform anywhere as players. Nevertheless, that did not stop scores of enterprising scoundrels from banding together in companies, stealing some wagons and some horses, then dressing up in motley and passing themselves off as legitimate players out on tour from London.

These rogues would come into a country town and stage some sorry travesty of a production they had cobbled together from bits and pieces filched from various plays that they had seen in London or, worse still, put on a play that they had stolen in its entirety by attending several performances en masse and committing different parts to memory. Much of the time, a play that was stolen in this manner resulted in a production that was a hopeless mish-mosh of misremembered lines and markedly inferior performances, which would have been bad enough, thought Smythe, if fraud were the only crime being perpetrated. Unfortunately, no sooner would these imposters leave a town that they had visited than numerous thefts and other crimes would be discovered, leaving little doubt as to the culprits.

Needless to say, the victims of these roving, thieving bands were not very well disposed toward legitimate companies of players who came to visit afterward. The Queen’s Men had been driven from three villages they came to on their tour and Smythe still had some bruises left from being pelted with sticks and stones hurled by the angry townspeople at their last stop.