Mr. Knightley’s Diary

"Oh, yes, they are full of high spirits and are bound to enjoy it. But it is perhaps better not to mention it to my father; he will only worry about it. I hope the weather holds."

"There will be some dry spells, I am convinced."

"And if it rains tomorrow?"

"Then you and I will have to entertain the boys indoors."

I am looking forward to it. Inside or out, any time I spend with the boys is well spent, and I would never rather be with anyone but Emma.

Wednesday 14 April

I cannot make up my mind. Is Emma in love with Frank Churchill, or is she not? I sometimes think she is, but then she says something that convinces me otherwise. She seems to welcome his attentions, and yet she has not shown any signs of being in a decline when he is away.

We were talking of Isabella’s living in London, and I said to Emma: "Could you bear to move away from Highbury?"

"If there was a strong enough inducement, then perhaps I might," she said.

I thought of Frank Churchill. Would he be a strong enough inducement?

"Isabella seems happy enough in London," she went on, "but then she is happy wherever her husband is."

"And when you marry, you will be happy wherever your husband is," I said, looking at her earnestly.

"I will never marry," she said. "Why should I? I already have everything I want at Hartfield. Like you, I have no need of children to interest me, for I have Isabella’s children, and like you, I am happiest at home."

I felt myself grow brighter. It is very comfortable to have Emma so near, and spending my time with her, playing with the children, is my idea of a perfect day.

Thursday 15 April

There has been a delay in the Churchill family’s move to London. I knew how it would be! Churchill’s letter meant nothing at all. I never put any reliance on it. What! Mrs. Churchill, to remove to London from her native Yorkshire? Why should she do such a thing? And even if she thought she might, then why should she go ahead with her plan, when she is as fickle as her nephew?

I said as much to Emma.

"It is hardly Frank Churchill’s fault," she said. "He is very much at his aunt’s beck and call. He will be with us as soon as he can."

She did not seem unduly worried by the delay, which was heartening, but she defended him, which was dispiriting.

I still do not like the idea of his merely being delayed for a while. Whenever he comes to Highbury, it will be too soon for me.

Wednesday 21 April

I had a most unwelcome shock when I went to Hartfield today. I had promised to collect the boys, so that they could spend a day at the Abbey with me, and when I walked into the drawing-room, I found Frank Churchill there!

He had only come to pay a short visit, in order to say that the Churchills had at last moved to town. His aunt is still very sickly and she could not spare him for longer.

I was very sorry for Mrs. Churchill, and, once I knew he was not to visit us, for Frank Churchill, too.

"I believe the idea of Frank Churchill always being at Hartfield, now the Churchills are in London, will come to nothing," I said to Emma.

She remarked that it would be a pity, but as she then went on to see that the boys were warmly wrapped up, and to soothe her father’s fears that they would take cold on the walk to the Abbey, and to tell them to behave, and to remind me that I must not give them too much to eat, I did not think she was very much affected by it.

I begin to think that Frank Churchill is not so bad, after all. Perhaps I have been too hard on him: a young man who has to pay constant attention to a sick aunt must be forgiven the odd indiscretion.

In fact, if he remains in London, I believe I will like him very well indeed.

Thursday 22 April

The day was cold and wet. I attended to business this morning, and this afternoon, Emma called with the two little boys. I was delighted to find that Harriet was not with her. I have hardly seen Emma without her friend these last few months. We took the boys through the woods and watched them play.

"You will never marry, will you, Mr. Knightley?" she asked me.

I thought she seemed anxious, and I was gratified by her concern.

"No, never," I said. My spirits rose. Did she feel she would not like me to marry anyone else, because she would like me for herself? "You seem pleased," I said.

"I am," she replied.

Will you…I tried to say the words, but I was suddenly nervous and they would not come out.

I cleared my throat and was about to try again when she continued by saying: "I would not like little Henry to lose his inheritance."

Foolish, foolish fantasy! She was not in love with me after all, she was simply concerned for Henry.

"Oh, so that is the reason," I said, subdued.

"You would not like him to lose it, either, would you?" she asked anxiously.

"If I had a son of my own, I must reasonably assume I would rather see the Abbey go to him than my nephew," I replied. "But since I have no plans to marry, I see no reason for you to worry about Henry."