Mother of Learning. Arc 3 Incomplete

«It varies,» said Zorian. «The more people there are in a crowd and the more densely they’re packed the stronger it is. It’s also stronger if the crowd is…»

He trailed off as he suddenly realized something. Gods, he was so stupid!

«Yes?» Imaya prodded. «If the crowd is what?»

«…emotionally charged for some reason,» finished Zorian lamely.

A short silence descended on the scene, before Zorian rose from his seat and began angrily pacing around the room.

«Your empathic abilities are so strong that you literally feel the emotions of a crowd as tangible mental pressure bearing down on you,» said Imaya after watching him pace around for a while, «and you think there is nothing to indicate that you’re an empath?»

«It’s not that easy! How was I supposed to know what the pressure was?» Zorian protested, nervously running his hand through his hair. «It’s just… there. It has always been there, a constant annoyance that was with me ever since I was a child. Do you have any idea the sheer amount of trouble this thing has caused me? Isn’t empathy supposed to be a boon? Most of the time I did my best to ignore it, vainly hoping it would go away in time.»

«Well, yes,» Imaya agreed. «Empathy is usually depicted as a great gift to the person who has it. But there are plenty of reports of empaths whose powers are so strong or volatile that they are crippled by them instead. Considering some of the horror stories I’ve read about, your case is relatively mild. It could have been worse.»

‘It could have been worse’ — that could easily serve as a summary of his entire life so far. Oh well — there had to be a way to rein in his errant empathic abilities somehow, and he had plenty of time to find it. The aranea probably knew how, though he suspected he wouldn’t like what they would ask in return.

«Zorian?» Imaya asked after a few moment of silence. «I can see this is a somewhat sensitive topic for you, but can I ask you a question? Well, two questions really.»

«Sure,» agreed Zorian. She did end up helping him, even if he didn’t imagine her help to play out the way it did, so the least he could do was satisfy her curiosity.

«I get the feeling that you didn’t like the idea of being an empath, even before you knew what you do now,» she said. «Why is that? Maybe I am projecting somewhat, but I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to possess an inborn magical ability. I hope you don’t think you’re a freak just because—»

«No, no, it’s nothing like that,» Zorian quickly assured. «I know a lot of civilian-born students react badly to anything that may make them… abnormal… but I’m not like that. No, the real reason I didn’t like the idea of being an empath is… far more stupid than that. Actually, I’m kind of embarrassed to even admit it, so can we just move on?»

«No,» Imaya said, a smirk on her face. «This I definitely got to hear.»

Zorian rolled his eyes. Served him right for admitting it was embarrassing. Oh well, it’s not like she’d remember this conversation once the loop reset.

«All right, but you can’t tell this to anyone, okay?»

Imaya mimicked sealing her mouth shut.

«It’s because empathy is usually portrayed as a feminine ability, one reserved for girls and girly men,» admitted Zorian.

«Ahhh,» nodded Imaya. «Of course a boy would be bothered by something like that…»

«I’m not sexist or anything,» Zorian hastily added. «But I already receive a lot of comments about my supposed lack of masculinity, and they’re annoying enough as it is. I really don’t want to see how bad they would get if they had this sort of ‘proof’.»

His family was the worst offender in that regard, especially his father, but he would keep that little tidbit to himself.

«I won’t tell anyone,» Imaya said. «And if it makes you feel any better, there is no evidence that empathy manifests itself more often in women than it does in men.»

«I figured,» Zorian said. «Very few magical abilities are gender specific, unless they’re artificially designed to be that way.»

«And I also think those people have no idea what they’re talking about,» Imaya said with a supposedly innocent smile that had a hint of mischievousness behind it. «I think you’re a very handsome young man who will someday make some girl very happy indeed.»

«T-thanks. What was the other question you wanted to ask, again?» said Zorian, trying to change the subject to something less embarrassing. She had her fun, no need to torture him further.

«I assume you will try to develop your ability further?» Imaya asked. Zorian nodded. «In that case, I’d like you to keep me informed about your progress. I find stuff like this incredibly interesting.»

Zorian agreed, though it was essentially an empty promise. She would remember none of this after the next restart. Their conversation done, Imaya returned to her household chores and Zorian went back to his room to plan his visit to the aranea. He really didn’t want to find out what the matriarch would do to him if he didn’t show up soon.