Moscow Machination

The AN-225 was losing altitude steadily. Two minutes before touchdown, the Japanese made generator revved up and began churning out 400KVA of unadulterated power. Sensing the pulsating voltage, the Shinkansen’s auto pilot pushed the throttle all the way up. The wheels of the train began to spin… slow then fast and then faster. Thirty seconds later the rotating wheels had hit a land speed of 500Km/hr, way over the Shinkansen’s rated top speed of 415Km/hr.

But… incredibly, the train hadn’t moved an inch relative to the aircraft. The Shinkansen’s autopilot, a computer named Shanky, or at least certain sections of Shanky, firmly believed the train was rushing ahead. The proponents of this theory were the simple headed analog parts that measured the wheel’s angular speed.

But the suave, sophisticated and highbrow parts of Shanky gathered inputs from radars and proximity sensors. These suggested that they weren’t moving at all.

A third input from a GPS sensor said they were moving at 300Km/hr aka 160 Knots.

Three systems — three measurements — Shanky faced quite a conundrum.

During this conundrum a small and kooky part of Shanky came up with another bizarre hypothesis.

Someone asshole had put a giant treadmill under the train.

* * *

The big Antonov… the Mriya II, listed and swayed.

“Boy she is big … tail winds eh?” said Vargas the Mehican Minister.

“No biggie. Happens all the time in China,” asserted the Chinese Trade guy. Tail winds, ass winds, whatever… China was all in on this Mehican deal.

The Antonov crossed the airport’s fence with its nose slightly ajar of the runway. The hundred or so dignitaries were enraptured by its size.

“Jesus. She is big,” said one of the Zeta Zones dudes.

“Maybe we should buy this damn thing instead of a train… fuck man we got screwed here,” responded another.

“It’s not too late. We will shove out the Chinese and deal with the Ukrainians instead.”

By now the Antonov was only a couple of hundred yards away.

Chukotka, Palin’s Russia

“Hit the rudder,” barked Primakov.

“Hitting the rudder.”

The Antonov, AN-225 turned slightly to the right.

Primakov was breathless. Everything would be over in five seconds.

“Unlatch nosecone,” cried Primakov.

Korlov clicked something, “Nose cone unlatched.”

5 sec

4 sec

Primakov held his breath.

Inside a hangar at the Anadyr Airport, a bunch of heavy vehicles were buzz sawing something huge… something white with Ukrainian markings.

3 sec

2 sec

Korlov took one last glance at the Mriya I before the hangar’s doors closed.

1 Sec

0 Sec

“Cut the treadmill.”

Korlov flipped a switch on his Fly-From-Home plane kit. “Treadmill power is out.”

Mehico City, Mehico

As the Zeta Zoneses watched, the nose of the big Antonov shattered. Sort of like an explosion from the inside. The entire nose was replaced by a gaping hole. The plane became aerodynamically challenged.

Just as it dawned on the dignitaries, a big black gleaming serpentine thing rushed out of the nose less, faceless aircraft. Unlike the aircraft’s mellow 100 Knots, this black long shiny thing came at them in excess of 500Km/hr.

Some dude screamed, “Train… is… flying… run.”

Someone else screamed.

The two dignitaries on the podium started running with their cigars.

By now the entire train was out of the headless Antonov. The train’s onboard computer Shanky was moribund. The Shinkansen had just crashed through a Soviet made 6 inch aluminum wall. Shanky’s final thoughts were never ending rails…

The descending train landed head first and squelched into the crowd of Mehicans and Chinese. The first guys that got squelched were the ones with BMI in excess of 30. The Mehican Minister and Chinese Trade guy fell in that category. Then came the guys with 25–29 BMI and finally the whimsy sub 20 dudes.

Squelch. Squelch. Squelch.

With a 90 % fatality rate, the train proceeded to whiplash the air force’s administrative building, the corridors of power and restrooms. After three minutes of raining carnage, the train eventually stopped outside a popular burrito joint two miles outside the air force base.

* * *

Five seconds after the train had hit the podium, the biggest jet in the world, the AN-225, landed on top of the podium. The big jet sort of cleaned up after the train and ensured a causality rate of 110 %.

The Antonov pretty much followed the trail of destruction left by its cargo. From afar it seemed as though a great white shark had swallowed some anaconda… but then the anaconda had ate its way out by biting off the shark’s head…

Being a Mehican air base the facility had no airplanes. But for some reason facility was filled with cameras. Even though many didn’t make it through the feral afternoon, were enough survived with enough footage. Mehican sleuths confirmed that the aircraft, the AN-225 was Ukrainian and its cargo, the black train was indeed the Chinese CRH400A.

Chapter 21

Kremlin, Moscow

“Sweet Baby Buddha!” screamed Xiannian the Chinese Premier.

* * *