Moscow Machination

The premier stared sullenly through the binoculars. The tiger talk was beginning to bore him. Hu Gong was pulling storylines from Madagascar now. Didn’t intelligence chiefs get liquidated all the time?

Suddenly he saw movement across the railway line. A large Siberian tiger peeked out furtively from under a bush.

“Hu… Look. Is that Zoya?” exclaimed the Premier.

Even before Hu could lift his binoculars, his ear piece began buzzing with chatter between his field commander and the seven hidden snipers.

* * *

Zoya the Siberian tiger cautiously approached the train tracks. Her tail twirled. Having observed the border for decades, the Chinese were well aware of Russian sentries and posts in the vicinity — There were none. Zero.

There was of course the Khasan Railway Terminal about a mile north, the last point on the Trans-Siberian. But Hu and his men weren’t worried. This was the boondocks of the Russian Federation. For that matter, the tri-border area was also the boondocks of the People’s Republic of China, the only country with an apostrophe in its name.

Zoya knelt down and smelt the mackerel strewn alongside the tracks. Premier Xiannian was quite sure the majestic beast wiggled her nose. She didn’t seem to like it. The tiger then walked along the track and checked out a few more of the fallen mackerel, before making up her mind.

After making sure that no one was watching, Zoya gobbled a couple of fish. Midway through her eighteenth chew, her jaws froze. She seemed to look straight up at the Fangchun Observation Tower. Straight up into the Premier Xiannian’s eyes.

Zoya the tiger stormed the international border.

* * *

“Oh shit the tiger is coming towards us,” yelled the alarmed Chinese Premier.

“Quick. Take it down. Don’t let it cross the border,” Hu Gong screamed into his headpiece.

The magnificent beast was already across the border.

“Sniper 6, WTF?” Hu heard the commander scream in his ear piece.

“Locked and loaded,” replied Sniper 6.

Caught off guard, Sniper 6 finally took aim. Just as he fondled his trigger, the beast belly flopped and stopped moving.

“Oh shit… is it dead?” cried the Premier.

Hu relayed, “What just happened? Is the tiger dead?”

“No sir. No one took a shot. The tiger… it just collapsed…” the team leader took a closer look at the tiger before announcing, “Also… it might have barfed…”

“Ah ha… That smelly fish! She just couldn’t take it,” offered the Premier triumphantly.

“Sir what do we do?” asked the Team Leader to Hu Gong.

This was bad on many levels. A clean sniper hit, would have sent the Russian government after the poachers. But this was bad. First of all the tiger was inside Chinese territory and Hu was quite sure there was some tracking chip on the tiger. To anyone analyzing the tracking data in Moscow, the way the tiger had charged the international border would imply that it had been provoked from the Chinese side. Without bullet wounds, they could assume the tiger had been poisoned. Ughh.

“Huuu what do we doooo?” the Premier was freaking out.

Hu’s rice bred brain furiously churned through the permutations. They could abandon and run but that was leaving things up in the air. Shit could fall anywhere. He didn’t like it. Perhaps the tiger was faking it.

Hu fired his salvo, “Team Leader, send one of the snipers to go check its pulse. It could be faking it. The striped bastards are known for their shenanigans.”

“Ughh, ok. Sniper 3 approach tiger slowly and prod him with your gun.”

“No gun you moron. I don’t want tiger blood on my land. Sniper 3, I order you to leave your gun behind.”

“Sir we came here to kill the tiger,” protested the Team Leader.

“Not anymore. Not inside our border.”

“Sir we can shoot it now and then drag it over the border. Problem solved,” offered Sniper 6.

“Are you a fucking idiot? It’s going to need four or five of you guys to lift that thing. Then we need to worry about foot prints, drag marks, the next train and maybe even a passing Russian satellite… Or worse an American satellite.”

“Yes sir. Sniper 3, abandon gun… wait, in fact leave all your weapons behind. Knives, nunchucks everything.”

Sniper 3 wasn’t comfortable with the turn of events. “Team Leader, am I supposed to go and give it a mouth to mouth..?” he said sarcastically before taking off.

“Ah. Thinking on your feet… if necessary, yes. But use your water bottle first. Just, just splash the tiger’s face…”

“Ya good thinking Team Leader. Sniper 3… splash the water gently,” added Hu Gong.

Hu Gong wasn’t done thinking yet. He quickly went down the stairs and grabbed the Tower keeper, who could have easily passed for a troll and shook him, “Do you have a dog? A guard dog?”

“No sir. I ate it for lunch a couple of weeks ago. It’s hard to get supplies around here,” replied the stoic Troll.

“I understand. You got any other animals? Bet you stock up.”