Monday Mourning

“But we checked the house,” I blurted.

Dead silence.

Stupid! Stupid!

“We were worried about you,” I said.

“Come alone.”

“I’ll bring Detective Ryan.”

“No!”

“You can trust Ryan. He’s a kind man.”

“No men.” Tight.

“I’m on my way.”

I started to punch in Ryan’s number, then stopped.

35

I DISCONNECTED AND STARED AT THE PHONE, MY MIND RACING through a million what-ifs.

What if I phoned Ryan? Claudel? Charbonneau? Feldman? I wanted support.

What if I raced to de Sébastopol? These women had to be retrieved.

Pomerleau had requested that I come alone. No men. From all I’d read, that made sense. She and McGee had suffered years of abuse at male hands.

Emotions battled inside me. Anger. Loathing. Compassion. Urgency.

All three detectives would be furious if I went on my own.

He could wait outside.

Again, I started to punch Ryan’s number. Again, I stopped.

What if Ryan insisted on escorting me inside?

McGee and Pomerleau obviously had a hidey-hole in that house. Ryan’s presence might drive them back underground. Might shatter their trust in me. Maybe they weren’t even there, but would provide further instructions only if I arrived alone. A police net around the whole neighborhood would be too obvious.

In my mind, I heard McGee’s terrified pleas, felt her grip on my arm, saw the desperate hope in her eyes.

Guilt and self-blame hopped into my thinking.

I’d been unable to calm McGee at the hospital. If anything, I’d increased her alarm.

What if Ryan’s presence panicked her again?

I lurched to my feet. Yanked my jacket from its peg.

This time I’d do as she asked. I owed it to her. To them.

A new thought stopped me cold.

What if McGee and Pomerleau weren’t alone? What if Menard was still working their heads? What if the call was a trap? Would he really dare to harm me? Why not? He was already looking at life in prison, and he was a malignant sociopath.

“Damn! Damn! Damn!”

Who to phone?

Ryan would go paternal. I couldn’t deal with that.

Claudel was out of the question.

Pulse racing, I tried Charbonneau, just so someone would know where I’d gone. A mechanical voice informed me that the subscriber I’d dialed was unavailable, and disconnected without inviting input.

I checked my watch.

Six forty-two. I dialed CUM headquarters and left a message for Charbonneau. He and Claudel were probably still in Vermont, but at least they would know where I’d gone.

Silence surrounded me.

More what-ifs.

What if McGee hurt herself?

What if Menard was maneuvering to add me to his fun house?

What if Menard planned to put a bullet through my brain?

I was scanning the face of each ugly scenario, when my cell erupted in my hand.

I jerked as though burned. The handset flew from my grasp, nicked the wall, and ricocheted under my desk. Dropping to all fours, I scrabbled across the tile, grabbed it, and clicked on.

Another shock.

Without preamble, Anne launched into a rambling apology.

Relief and resentment joined the Armageddon in my head.

I cut her off.

“Where are you?”

Anne misread the frantic timbre of my voice.

“I don’t blame you for feeling hostile, Tempe. My behavior was beyond selfish, but try to understan—”

Seconds were dissolving. Seconds during which Tawny McGee might be slashing her wrists.

“Where are you?” More forceful.

“I am so sorry, Tempe—”

“Where are you?”

“The Sisters of Providence.”

Anne’s voice was opening a small space in my brain. Clear thinking was slipping in.

“The convent at the corner of Ste-Catherine and Fullum?”

“Yes.”

Anne was less than five minutes away.

Anne was female.

I made a quick decision.

“I need your help.”

“Anything.”

“I’ll pick you up.”

“When?”

“Now.”

“I’ll be outside.”

I half walked, half ran to my car, heart beating at a marathon pace.

Was I making a mistake to include Anne? Was she already too emotionally drained? Was I putting her at risk?

I decided to tell all and let Anne decide.

A heavy night cold blanketed the city. The wind was moist, the clouds low and sluggish, as though uncertain whether to rain or snow.

Anne stood shivering outside the old motherhouse, luggage mounded at her feet.

Rush-hour stragglers still trudged the sidewalks and jammed the streets. As we drove, traffic and Christmas lights smearing the windshield, I briefed Anne on all that I’d learned in her absence. She listened without interruption, face taut, fingers playing the ends of her loosened scarf.

When I’d finished, a full minute passed. I was certain Anne would ask me to take her home.

“I’m a shoo-in for the world’s most worthless goat turd.”

“Don’t say that, Anne.”

“While I’m mooning about not heading up God’s arrangements committee, these kids have been living a nightmare.” She turned to me. “What kind of testosterone-crazed dickhead could find pleasure in hurting young girls?”

“Don’t feel pressured to go with me. I’ll understand if you want no part of this.”

“Not a chance, sweetie. I want at this dogball.”

“That’s exactly what you’re not going to do.” I sounded like Ryan. “Do you have your cell phone?”