‘Who are you?’ she asked. I looked up at Margery and saw that familiar confusion in her eyes, beneath a furrowed brow.
I meowed at her. ‘I’m Molly,’ I wanted to say. ‘I’m your cat!’
She tilted her head to one side, looking at me quizzically. I willed her to recognize me, to say my name again and laughingly reassure me that she could never forget who I was.
‘Have you come from down the street, puss? You need to be getting home – your owner will be wondering where you’ve got to.’
She walked past me to the front door and picked up the keys, which just the previous evening I had checked were in their correct place on the shelf. She carefully unlocked the door, struggling with the chain for a couple of moments before pulling it open. Then she smiled at me, evidently expecting me to be grateful that I was being released, free to go home. I stood on the hall carpet, my tail twitching.
‘Well, go on then. I expect you’ll be wanting your breakfast soon.’
I could feel my eyes start to prickle. Margery’s disorientation had often left me bewildered, and her distress at those moments when she seemed to comprehend what was happening to her had made my heart ache. But never before had I felt pain like this. This was different. It was the pain of not being recognized; of looking into my owner’s eyes and seeing not love, but confusion. It was the pain of feeling like a stranger in my own home.
Not wanting Margery to see my suffering, I lowered my head and slipped past her and out through the front door.
2
Margery continued to have good days and bad days, but the bad days far outnumbered the good. I learnt not to feel so hurt when she couldn’t remember my name, or appeared to forget my existence until I yowled out of hunger or sheer desperation to be noticed. It felt to me as though Margery was somehow disappearing, vanishing further and further down a tunnel inside her mind. Physically she looked smaller and frailer too, and my fur would prickle with anxiety as I watched her shakily climb the stairs at night.
Margery’s son had begun to visit the house more often. He was a small, wiry man who gave off an air of perpetual impatience, as if there was always somewhere else he needed to be. I found him difficult to warm to. I could never get the measure of him, and as much as Margery loved to see him, I sensed that his hurried air made her agitation worse. I wished I could get him to settle and relax, to spend some quality time with his mother, rather than wanting to be on his way as quickly as possible. I tried to encourage him to stay by jumping on his lap whenever he sat down, but he merely shoved me off irritably. I would retreat to another part of the room and try to convey my disapproval from a distance.
‘So how are things, Mum? You been looking after yourself?’
‘Oh, yes, yes, I’m very well, thank you, David. And how’s . . . ?’
I could see Margery’s mortification as she struggled to remember her daughter-in-law’s name.
‘Pat’s fine, thanks. The kids are all right too – that is, I think they are. Hardly ever see them these days, to be honest.’
I could see that Margery was thrown, desperately trying to picture who ‘the kids’ – her grandchildren – were. But David didn’t seem to pick up on these cues, and would carry on talking about his family or job as if Margery was fully cognizant of every detail of his life. Margery just smiled politely and tried to follow what he was saying.
She was always upset to say goodbye to David at the end of his visits, and I knew to expect tears after he had gone. Margery couldn’t put into words how she was feeling, even to me, but I did what I could to comfort her just through my presence. Usually stroking me seemed to calm her down eventually.
One afternoon in late summer, after an exuberant session of butterfly-chasing in our garden, I crept inside the house and climbed upstairs to find David going through piles of boxes in Margery’s spare room. Unable to restrain my innate curiosity (not to mention my feline love of cardboard boxes), I jumped into the midst of the operation to investigate. David had his head inside a large open box, so I found myself nose-to-nose with him amidst a pile of dusty paperwork. Evidently I took him by surprise, because he swore loudly and immediately scooped me out of the box and dropped me onto the floor. Undeterred, I found a stack of cardboard on the other side of the room and spent a pleasant hour exploring whilst keeping an eye on what David was doing.
After a while I settled down inside a box, enjoying the rays of sunshine that were warming it through the window. David seemed to have forgotten I was there.
‘For God’s sake, Mum, why on earth have you kept all this stuff?’ he muttered, and I could hear him roughly shoving piles of paper into a dustbin liner. At one point his mobile phone rang and he swore under his breath, before retrieving it from his back pocket.