Mindscan

I tried to make my tone light. "The current state of the art," I said. "It'll get more lifelike as time goes on, I'm sure."

"It's pretty funky as is, I must say," said Rudy. "So … so do you have super strength?"

Rebecca was still looking mortified, but Sabrina imitated a TV announcer. "He's an upload. She's a vegetarian rabbi. They fight crime."

I laughed. "No, I've got normal strength. Super strength is an extra-cost option. But you know me: I'm a lover not a fighter."

"It's so … weird," said Rebecca, at last.

I looked at her, and smiled as warmly — as humanly — as I could. " 'Weird' is just an anagram of 'wired,' " I said, but she didn't laugh at the joke.

"What's it like?" asked Sabrina.

Had I still been biological, I would, of course, have taken a deep breath as part of collecting my thoughts. "It's different," I said. "I'm getting used to it, though. Some of it is very nice. I don't get headaches anymore — at least, I haven't so far. And that damn pain in my left ankle is gone. But…"

"What?" asked Rudy.

"Well, I feel a little low-res, I guess. There isn't as much sensory input as there used to be. My vision is fine — and I'm no longer color-blind, although I do have a slight awareness of the pixels making up the images. But there's no sense of smell to speak of."

"With Rudy around, that's not such a bad thing," said Sabrina.

Rudy stuck his tongue out at her.

I kept trying to catch Rebecca's eye, but every time I looked at her, she looked away. I lived for her little touches, her hand on my forearm, a leg pressing against mine as we sat on the couch. But the whole evening, she didn't touch me once. She hardly even looked at me.

"Becks," I said at last, when Rudy had gone to the wash-room, and Sabrina was off freshening her drink. "It is still me, you know."

"What?" she said, as if she had no idea what I was talking about.

"It's me."

"Yeah," she said. "Sure."

In day-to-day life, we hardly ever speak names, either our own or those of others.

"It's me," we say when identifying ourselves on the phone. And, "Look at you!" when greeting someone. So maybe I was being paranoid. But by the end of the evening, I couldn't recall anyone, least of all my darling, darling Rebecca, having called me Jake.

I went home in a pissy mood. Clamhead growled at me as I came through the front door, and I growled back.

"Hello, Hannah," I said to the housekeeper as I came through my mother's front door the next afternoon.

Hannah's small eyes went wide, but she quickly recovered. "Hello, Mr. Sullivan," she said.

Suddenly, I found myself saying what I'd never said before. "Call me Jake."

Hannah looked startled, but she complied. "Hello, Jake." I practically kissed her.

"How is she?"

"Not so well, I'm afraid. She's in one of her moods."

My mother and her moods. I nodded, and headed upstairs — taking them effortlessly, of course. That much was a pleasant change.

I paused to look into the room that had been mine, in part to see what it looked like with my new vision, and in part to stall, so I could work up my nerve. The walls that I'd always seen as gray were in fact a pale green. So much was being revealed to me now, about so many things. I continued down the corridor.

"Hello, Mom," I said. "How are you doing?"

She was in her room, brushing her hair. "What do you care?"

How I missed being able to sigh. "I care. Mom, you know I care."

"You think I don't know a robot when I see it?"

"I'm not a robot."

"You're not my Jake. What's happened to Jake?"

"I am Jake," I said.

"The original. What's happened to the original?"

Funny. I hadn't thought about the other me for days. "He must be on the moon, by now," I said. "It's only a three-day journey there, and he left last Tuesday. He should be getting out of lunar decontamination today."

"The moon," said my mother, shaking her head. "The moon, indeed."

"We should be heading out," I said.

"What kind of son leaves a disabled father behind to go to the moon?"

"I didn't leave him. I'm here."

She was looking at me indirectly: she was facing the mirror above the bureau, and conversing with my reflection in it "This is just like what you — the real you — do with Clamhead when you're out of town. You have the damned robo-kitchen feed her.

And now, here you come, a walking, talking robokitchen, here in place of the real you, doing the duties the real you should be doing."

"Mom, please…"

She shook her head at the reflection of me. "You don't have to come here again."

"For Christ's sake, Mom, aren't you happy for me? I'm no longer at risk — don't you see? What happened to Dad isn't going to happen to me."

"Nothing has changed," said my mother. "Nothing has changed for the real you. My boy still has that thing in his head, that AVM; my son is still at risk."

"I—"

"Go away," she said.

"What about visiting Dad?"

"Hannah will take me."

"But—"

"Go away," my mother said. "And don't come back."

13