Mindscan

I frowned. There was no point denying it. He was right; I had believed that. But that had been before I'd uploaded, before I … yes, damn it, yes: before I fell in love with Karen. I felt more alive with her than I'd ever felt. I looked at Jacob, wondering if I could make him understand that. Of course, he'd — I'd — loved Rebecca, but we hadn't ever allowed that love to blossom, to become a relationship.

"It's different now," I said. "My feelings have changed."

"Then we're at an impasse."

"Are we? You will eventually have to sleep."

He said nothing.

"Besides," I said, taking just the barest hint of a step forward, "I know your every weakness."

He'd been looking down at the floor for a moment — I think he was getting tired — but his head tilted up sharply at that.

"I know your every psychological weakness," I said.

"They're your weaknesses, too."

I nodded slowly. "So you'd think. But you know what I've learned, and you haven't, your poor feckless son of a bitch? I've learned that when you're in love, and someone loves you, you have no weaknesses. It doesn't matter what you've done in the past, it doesn't matter what you've felt in the darkest corners of your mind. Virgil said amor vincit omnia, and he was a pretty bright dead guy: love really does conquer all."

Suddenly, there was a bleeping sound. "What's that?" I asked.

"The videophone," said Jacob, pointing at the wall-mounted unit next to the airlock door. "Answer it."

I went over to the phone, found the answer button, and pressed it.

Smythe's face appeared on the screen. "Sorry to interrupt," he said. "But I think you'll want to hear this, too. There's a call coming in from Earth. It's Deshawn Draper. He says the jury is coming in, and—"

"Not now!" I snapped.

I turned back to Jacob, but I hadn't broken the connection. Smythe should still be able to hear everything, even if his field of view was limited. "There, Jacob, you see?" I said. "You've got my full attention. You're my number-one priority." I took a couple of steps toward him, trying to regain the territory I'd lost when I'd had to come back to answer the phone. "Let's end this peacefully, shall we?"

"Sure," said Jacob. "Just give me what I want."

"I can't. I have my own life. I have Karen." I didn't want to be cruel — really, I didn't.

But he'd never seen as clearly as I did now: all the shades, all the colors, all the glory.

"Besides, you wouldn't know what to do with our life back on Earth; you never have. You've coasted, living off family money. Christ's sake, Jacob, in many ways, you've been as disengaged from reality as Dad is. But I'm seeing now, I'm seeing it all. Life isn't about being alone; it's about being with someone."

"But there is someone," said Jacob. "There's Rebecca."

"Ah, yes. Rebecca. Would you like us to get her on the phone from Earth?"

"What? No."

"Why? Ashamed of what you're doing? Afraid she'd never look at you the same way if she knew?"

Jacob shifted uneasily in his chair.

" 'Cause I know what it's like to have her not look at you the same way. I went to see her after I uploaded. She couldn't look me in the eye; she scurried away every time I came near. She couldn't even say my name."

"That's you," he said.

"It'll be you, too, if she finds out about what you're doing here. You think she isn't going to ask what happened to the Mindscan me? You think she'll just forget about it?" I shook my head. "You can't win here; you just can't."

Jacob got slowly to his feet, but he didn't stand quite erect. "Are you all right?" I asked.

He was holding the gun in one hand, and was now rubbing the top of his head with the other.

"Jacob?" I said. He was wincing; I'd forgotten how much a flesh face could contort.

"Jacob, my God…"

"You're part of it," he hissed through clenched teeth. "You're part of it, too."

"Part of what, Jacob? I just want to help—"

"You're lying! You're all out to get me."

"No," I said, as gently as I could. "No, we're not. Jacob, there's something wrong with your brain — but it's temporary."

Jacob swung his gun toward me; it had become like a prosthetic extension of him.

"I'll kill you," he hissed.

I shrugged infinitesimally. "You can't."

"Then I'll kill them," he said, swinging the gun between Brian and Chloe.

"Jacob, no!" I said. "For God's sake — this isn't … isn't us. You know it isn't! It's an after-effect of the cure. Dr. Chandragupta can fix it. Let's just put the gun down, and we can all walk out through the airlock door."

He winced again, and doubled over a bit more. His voice was a sneer. "So they can cut into my head?"

"No, Jacob," I said. "Nothing like that. They'll just—"

"Shut up!" he shouted. "Just shut the fuck up!" He looked left and right. "I've had it with you. I've had it with all of you! You think you can talk me out of my life?"

I spread my arms in a placating gesture, but said nothing.

He winced again, and grunted. "God…"

"Jacob…" I said softly. "Please…"