Mastering the Core Teachings of Buddha - An Unusually Hardcore Dharma Book

Somebody call the law! You two are so easily sucked into blowing things out of proportion that without me you two would have all the perspective of a dung heap!

Morality: Dung heap? You’d be lucky to have a dung heap if it wasn’t for me, you emptiness-fixated, I’m-oh-so-non-conceptual vibration-junkie. What good is having perspective if you don’t go out and use it?

Concentration: Yeah! And speaking of perspective, I give you guys more perspective than you have any idea of. Not only do I provide a bridge between our resident Save-the-world Poster Child and the Void-fixated Flicker-boy, I help you two get your twitchy little minds right! I help the Boy Scout here gain more and deeper insights into his screwed up emotional world and “stuff” than he ever could have on his own, and if it wasn’t for me, Mr. Ultimate would just be spinning his wheels in the parking lot! And further more, I am fun, fun, fun!

Insight: Yeah, maybe, but you don’t know when to stop, you

otherworldly space-case! If Relative Man and I hadn’t pulled you out of the clouds, you’d still be lost in some formless realm thinking you had half a clue. I’m the one with the clue! There ain’t nothin’ in the world like what I know, and without it, you two’s whole pathetic little sense of identity would be bound up in a world beyond your control. I am your salvation, and you know it!

Morality: Beyond my control my ass! I make things happen in this world, great things! I’m the one that really gets us somewhere! I make a difference! Who cares if there is no self when people are starving in Africa?

Insight: Who cares is exactly my point! There is no separate, permanent self that cares!

Morality: “I know you are, but what am I?”

Insight: Exactly!

Morality: Jerk!

Concentration: See? You guys gotta' chill out, get some balance and peace in your life. Take a few moments and just breathe! Leave your worries and cares behind, and fly the friendly skies! It’s free, legal, and 58

The Three Trainings Revisited

oh-so-recommended. You can quit whenever you like! All your friends are doing it! Come on, just relax!

Morality: All right, Fly Guy, when are we going to deal with our emotional issues, huh? When are we going to save the world? We can’t just go on vacation forever.

Insight: Your problem is that you can’t see the sensations that make up these “issues” as they really are, so you make such a big friggin’ deal out of them. I mean, I see your point, but you are so reactive and blind that you are hardly the one for the job. You solidify these things into huge monsters, forget you have done this, and then freak out when they come running after you. You need a clue, you confused little shrew!

Morality: Oh, yeah! Don’t think that just because you can see the true nature of the issues that make up your reality that you won’t still have stuff to deal with! Now, that’s delusion!

Insight: It’s even more deluded to think that you can really have a completely healthy perspective on anything without me, you Monster Maker!

Concentration: Dude, do you see those angels floating through the wall?

Morality: Where in the Hell did I find you freaks?

Insight: Short memory, eh? You found us when you realized you couldn’t do it on your own. You needed us to really be able to do the job you wanted to do, to really make a difference and be as happy and effective as you could be.

Morality: Yeah? And when can I get rid of you?

Concentration and Insight: When you have mastered us completely.

Jinx, one two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!

Morality: Bartender…

THE END.

If you find that you have gotten to the point when you cannot laugh at your own path, stop immediately and figure out why. I hope you have found this little, irreverent dialogue entertaining. While obviously a bit ridiculous, these sorts of tensions can arise until we really have a solid grasp of each training. When we have this, they will work together as they were meant to.

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8.THE FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS

The Four Noble Truths, suf ferin g, its cau se , its end , and the path that leads to its end , are fundamental to the teachings of the Buddha. He was fond of summarizing his whole teaching in terms of them. Actually, when asked to be really concise, he would just say the first and third: suffering and the end of suffering. This was what he taught. Like the other little lists here, they have great profundity on many levels and are worth exploring in depth.

TRUTH NUMBER ONE: SUFFERING

The first truth is the truth of suf ferin g. Hey, didn't we just see that in the Three Characteristics? Yes! Isn't that great! We also just saw it in The Three Trainings Revisited. There must have been something important about it for it to start off something called the Four Noble Truths that is not immediately obvious. Why do we practice? Suffering, that's why! It is just that simple. Why do we do anything? Suffering!