Longarm and the Colorado gundown

_{“You see, sir,” Parson said, “an’ I hope you understand, you bein’ an officer o’ the law an’ everything, I hope you will understand that I don’t mean to give no offense to you no more’n I took any from your question. You do understand that I hope, sir?”}

_{Longarm nodded.}

_{“Anyway, sir, the thing is, I kinda got a temper, sir. Which I know may surprise you but is true. An’ every now an’ then I kinda through no fault o’ my own wind up in a lockup. And when I do, well, there’s always reformers around that don’t have anything better to do than what they think is good. I expect you know the type, sir.”}

_{Longarm nodded again and took a small swallow of the applejack.}

_{“So when I get myself in trouble, sir, there’s always some rich reformer asshole around to take a look at my face an’ say what a raw deal I’ve got an’ so it ain’t my fault what I done, whatever it was that time, but society’s fault for bein’ mean to me, an’ next thing you know these reformers are looking for some excuse to turn me loose. So what I do once they get worked up to a certain point, see, is I drop down on my knees an’ shout a few hallelujahs an’ amens and such an’ let ’em see how I been saved through their good works. And then I start in to preaching at the other prisoners all}

_{around me, you see. Which o’ course is where the name Parson comes from. ’Cause I mean I surely do preach at these ol’ boys. I give it all I got an’ then some. And what all this does, see, is it makes everybody except the reformers real mad. The prisoners get pissed off because they want some peace an’ quiet in their cells, not to be preached at day an’ night by some idiot that don’t know any more’n they do. And the guards and coppers ... ’scuse me, but I expect you’ve heard the term before now, sir .. . anyway, they get pissed too because their jail is a real unhappy place where fights an’ riots could get started an’ people get hurt. Which they wouldn’t much mind, o’ course, except it might be one o’ them that does the gettin’ hurt. So at that point, sir, I got all those reformers wanting me sprung an’ I got the other prisoners wanting me away from them an’ I got the sheriff or chief of police or whoever wanting me the hell out o’ his jail an’ ...” He grinned. “Somehow it all seems t’ work out, sir.”}

_{Longarm threw his head back and roared. “Damn me, Parson, if you aren’t a likable son of a bitch. Have another drink. Then I suppose we’ll have to get serious and you can give me the message Miss Sally sent.”}