Life, the Universe and Everything

– It’s just a documentary, - he called out. - This is not a good bit. Terribly sorry, trying to find the rewind control…

–…is what billions of billions of innocent…

– Do not, - called out Slartibartfast floating past again, and fiddling furiously with the thing that he had stuck into the wall of the Room of Informational Illusions and which was in fact still stuck there, - agree to buy anything at this point.

–…people, creatures, your fellow beings…

Music swelled - again, it was immense music, immense chords. And behind the man, slowly, three tall pillars began to emerge out of the immensely swirling mist.

–…experienced, lived through - or, more often, failed to live through. Think of that, my friends. And let us not forget - and in just a moment I shall be able to suggest a way which will help us always to remember - that before the Krikkit Wars, the Galaxy was that rare and wonderful thing a happy Galaxy!

The music was going bananas with immensity at this point.

– A Happy Galaxy, my friends, as represented by the symbol of the Wikkit Gate!

The three pillars stood out clearly now, three pillars topped with two cross pieces in a way which looked stupefyingly familiar to Arthur’s addled brain.

– The three pillars, - thundered the man. - The Steel Pillar which represented the Strength and Power of the Galaxy!

Searchlights seared out and danced crazy dances up and down the pillar on the left which was, clearly, made of steel or something very like it. The music thumped and bellowed.

– The Perspex Pillar, - announced the man, - representing the forces of Science and Reason in the Galaxy!

Other searchlights played exotically up and down the righthand, transparent pillar creating dazzling patterns within it and a sudden inexplicable craving for ice-cream in the stomach of Arthur Dent.

– And, - the thunderous voice continued, - the Wooden Pillar, representing… - and here his voice became just very slightly hoarse with wonderful sentiments, - the forces of Nature and Spirituality.

The lights picked out the central pillar. The music moved bravely up into the realms of complete unspeakability.

– Between them supporting, - the voice rolled on, approaching its climax, - the Golden Bail of Prosperity and the Silver Bail of Peace!

The whole structure was now flooded with dazzling lights, and the music had now, fortunately, gone far beyond the limits of the discernible. At the top of the three pillars the two brilliantly gleaming bails sat and dazzled. There seemed to be girls sitting on top of them, or maybe they were meant to be angels. Angels are usually represented as wearing more than that, though.

Suddenly there was a dramatic hush in what was presumably meant to be the Cosmos, and a darkening of the lights.

– There is not a world, - thrilled the man’s expert voice, - not a civilized world in the Galaxy where this symbol is not revered even today. Even in primitive worlds it persists in racial memories. This it was that the forces of Krikkit destroyed, and this it is that now locks their world away till the end of eternity!

And with a flourish, the man produced in his hands a model of the Wikkit gate. Scale was terribly hard to judge in this whole extraordinary spectacle, but the model looked as if it must have been about three feet high.

– Not the original key, of course. That, as everyone knows, was destroyed, blasted into the ever-whirling eddies of the space-time continuum and lost for ever. This is a remarkable replica, hand-tooled by skilled craftsmen, lovingly assembled using ancient craft secrets into a memento you will be proud to own, in memory of those who fell, and in tribute to the Galaxy - our Galaxy - which they died to defend…

Slartibartfast floated past again at this moment.

– Found it, - he said. - We can lose all this rubbish. Just don’t nod, that’s all.

– Now, let us bow our heads in payment, - intoned the voice, and then said it again, much faster and backwards.

Lights came and went, the pillars disappeared, the man gabled himself backwards into nothing, the Universe snappily reassembled itself around them.

– You get the gist? - said Slartibartfast.

– I’m astonished, - said Arthur, - and bewildered.

– I was asleep, - said Ford, who floated into view at this point. - Did I miss anything?

They found themselves once again teetering rather rapidly on the edge of an agonizingly high cliff. The wind whipped out from their faces and across a bay on which the remains of one of the greatest and most powerful space battle-fleets ever assembled in the Galaxy was briskly burning itself back into existence. The sky was a sullen pink, darkening via a rather curious colour to blue and upwards to black. Smoke billowed down out of it at an incredible lick.

Events were now passing back by them almost too quickly to be distinguished, and when, a short while later, a huge star-battleship rushed away from them as if they’d said “boo”, they only just recognized it as the point at which they had come in.