Life, the Universe and Everything

What was most extraordinary about them was that they appeared to have come dressed for the occasion. Not only were they white, but they carried what appeared to be cricket bats, and not only that, but they also carried what appeared to be cricket balls, and not only that but they wore white ribbing pads round the lower parts of their legs. These last were extraordinary because they appeared to contain jets which allowed these curiously civilized robots to fly down from their hovering spaceship and start to kill people, which is what they did

– Hello, - said Arthur, - something seems to be happening.

– Get to the ship, - shouted Ford. - I don’t want to know, I don’t want to see, I don’t want to hear, - he yelled as he ran, - this is not my planet, I didn’t choose to be here, I don’t want to get involved, just get me out of here, and get me to a party, with people I can relate to!

Smoke and flame billowed from the pitch.

– Well, the supernatural brigade certainly seems to be out in force here today… - burbled a radio happily to itself.

– What I need, - shouted Ford, by way of clarifying his previous remarks, - is a strong drink and a peer-group. - He continued to run, pausing only for a moment to grab Arthur’s arm and drag him along with him. Arthur had adopted his normal crisis role, which was to stand with his mouth hanging open and let it all wash over him.

– They’re playing cricket, - muttered Arthur, stumbling along after Ford. - I swear they are playing cricket. I do not know why they are doing this, but that is what they are doing. They’re not just killing people, they’re sending them up, - he shouted, - Ford, they’re sending us up!

It would have been hard to disbelieve this without knowing a great deal more Galactic history than Arthur had so far managed to pick up in his travels. The ghostly but violent shapes that could be seen moving within the thick pall of smoke seemed to be performing a series of bizarre parodies of batting strokes, the difference being that every ball they struck with their bats exploded wherever it landed. The very first one of these had dispelled Arthur’s initial reaction, that the whole thing might just be a publicity stunt by Australian margarine manufacturers.

And then, as suddenly as it had all started, it was over. The eleven white robots ascended through the seething cloud in a tight formation, and with a few last flashes of flame entered the bowels of their hovering white ship, which, with the noise of a hundred thousand people saying “foop”, promptly vanished into the thin air out of which it had wopped.

For a moment there was a terrible stunned silence, and then out of the drifting smoke emerged the pale figure of Slartibartfast looking even more like Moses because in spite of the continued absence of the mountain he was at least now striding across a fiery and smoking well-mown lawn.

He stared wildly about him until he saw the hurrying figures of Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect forcing their way through the frightened crowd which was for the moment busy stampeding in the opposite direction. The crowd was clearly thinking to itself about what an unusual day this was turning out to be, and not really knowing which way, if any, to turn.

Slartibartfast was gesturing urgently at Ford and Arthur and shouting at them, as the three of them gradually converged on his ship, still parked behind the sight-screens and still apparently unnoticed by the crowd stampeding past it who presumably had enough of their own problems to cope with at that time.

– They’ve garble warble farble! - shouted Slartibartfast in his thin tremulous voice.

– What did he say? - panted Ford as he elbowed his way onwards.

Arthur shook his head.

– “They’ve…” something or other, - he said.

– They’ve table warble farble! - shouted Slartibartfast again.

Ford and Arthur shook their heads at each other.

– It sounds urgent, - said Arthur. He stopped and shouted.

– What?

– They’ve garble warble fashes! - cried Slartibartfast, still waving at them.

– He says, - said Arthur, - that they’ve taken the Ashes. That is what I think he says. - They ran on.

– The?… - said Ford.

– Ashes, - said Arthur tersely. - The burnt remains of a cricket stump. It’s a trophy. That… - he was panting, - is… apparently… what they… have come and taken. - He shook his head very slightly as if he was trying to get his brain to settle down lower in his skull.

– Strange thing to want to tell us, - snapped Ford.

– Strange thing to take.

– Strange ship.