Kill the Dead

CANDY IS SITTING on the bed frame when I get back. “Hi.” “Hi yourself. Want a bear claw?” “No thanks.” “I guess you and Kasabian have met.” “Yeah. We talked about movies and gossiped about you last night.” I put the bags on Kasabian’s table and sit down next to Candy. “I’m sorry about the doc.” It takes her a while to say anything. She’s trying hard not to cry. “Yeah. You know about him, right?” “That he’s my father? Yeah. I heard.” “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but he wouldn’t let me. He wanted to do it when the time was right and it could just be you two for a while and you could talk or fight or whatever it is fathers and sons do.” “I think I’ll miss him.” “Yeah. Me, too.” She leans against me. I put my arm around her because the angel knows I’m supposed to at a moment like this. “I missed you, too,” she says. “I know you thought that doc and I were lovers, but it wasn’t like that. We were each fucked up in different ways and took care of each other, but doc never forgot what happened to the women he loved and what happened to the kids they had. He just didn’t have it in him anymore. You’re the only thing of his that survived.” “He kept you alive, too.” “Yeah, he did.” We’re quiet for a minute, then she moves away and looks at me hard. “You’re not you anymore, are you?” “No. I’m not.” “Are you in there somewhere?” “If you mean Stark, I don’t think so. Stark was a drunk and a fool and he’s dead. Fuck him.” “Who are you now?” “No one. Nothing. I don’t know if I’m the end of something or the beginning. Let’s pretend it’s the beginning. You can name me, like a baby.” She looks at her hands and takes a breath. “Take the cure. Your friends wouldn’t want you like this. I don’t want you like this.” “Stark is dead. He’s gone. Maybe you should do the same. Go away and don’t come back.” She loses it and starts bawling. “I don’t want Stark to be gone. Doc is gone and I don’t want you to be gone, too.” “He’s dead. You don’t get a vote on dead.” “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I get up. “You should go now.” She stands, but doesn’t move. “I know you’re not Stark anymore and none of this means anything to you, but can you please just hold me for a minute before I go?” This is why angels find it so easy to kill you people. “All right.” Candy grabs me hard like she’s fallen overboard and is holding on to the side of a boat to keep from drowning. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She must have had the knife in her hand the whole time. Like me, Candy is a killer, so she gets me in the heart with the first thrust. As I black out all I can think is, Oh hell. This again.