Junior Year Box Set

“Recognize if someone is suddenly your best friend. At a minimum, they encourage you to make impulse decisions, which, as I just said, tend not to be as well thought-out. At the worst, they’re trying to ingratiate themselves to you for their own ends. What’s best to do is to tell them to back off so you can get to know them better,” Uncle John explained.

“But what if a cute girl comes up and says she wants to jump my bones?” I asked with a straight face.

“That never happens,” Phil complained.

“It happens to him more than you might imagine,” Paul said.

“Do you normally take advantage of that?” Dad asked.

“No, not really,” I admitted.

“You turn them down?” Phil asked in shock.

“Yeah, he’s a ‘stupid boy,’” Greg observed.

“Sounds like we need to talk,” Dad said, looking at me.

That wasn’t happening.

“The best advice I can give you is to step back and figure out what they’re trying to get out of you. In David’s case, with the girl who wants to jump his bones, it could be anything from just fun to bragging rights to setting him up for a lawsuit. That’s why he wears a bodycam and has security. Not everyone has your best interests at heart.

“Also, be observant. How do they treat a cab driver or server? Do they tear down others? Do they remember what you tell them? Are they close to their family, and do they have close friends? Do they gossip about others? Because if they gossip to you about other people, they’ll gossip about you to others.

“The same goes for secrets or things spoken in confidence. If someone shares another person’s confidence with you, they’ll share your confidences with others.

“So, ask yourself these sorts of questions. The answers will help you figure out what kind of person they really are,” said Uncle John.

“I agree with not rushing things,” I said. “I learned that for major decisions, you should never hurry things. That has already paid off for me. I can see the same thing applying to making decisions about the people around you.”

Uncle John nodded approvingly at me and then continued.

“I want you to ask yourself: who do you trust? The better question might be, what do you trust them with? The ultimate question, though, is how do you deal with people based on how much you trust them?

“You also need to understand that you can’t make someone trust you. Trust has to be earned. To win someone’s trust, you must be two things: competent and caring. Or put a simpler way, don’t mess up and don’t mess with people,” Uncle John said.

“With that logic, I can’t trust David because he teases me,” Phil pointed out.

“The key is you know he’s teasing you and not really doing anything bad to you. Can you honestly say that David doesn’t have your best interests at heart?” Dad asked.

“He did tattle on me.”

“It was either that, or I was going to end your life,” I shot back and got him another drink.

My little brother was taking to drinking pretty well. I wondered if he’d ever had a hangover.

“Let’s get back on topic. The circles of trust are a framework to help identify how you perceive the trustworthiness of people. I expect you can agree that people are the most important aspects of your life. When you’re on your deathbed, I hope that you don’t wish you’d spent more time making friends or being with friends. I’d hope your goal throughout your life is to surround yourself with people who care for you, who are good for you, and with whom you have meaningful relationships.

“Now, there will be times when you will find that people you thought you could trust might not have your best interest at heart. They might even be family or close friends. I know from personal experience that once trust is lost, it is almost impossible to earn back,” Uncle John said.

I could think of two people right off the top of my head. Angie and Tracy had each broken my trust with them. I did realize that it could be repaired, to a certain extent. Tracy was an example of that. Of all my friends, she was perhaps the one more than anyone else who put me first. She was probably my best friend, if I looked at things closely. But even then, I could never again have a deeper, romantic relationship with her.

Angie was another story. I’d found that she hadn’t been raised the same way I had. When it came down to it, at crunch time, Angie tended to look out for Angie first. The most recent example was Greg stopping her from selling pictures of Coby before Adrienne could do it. While I loved Angie, I didn’t fully trust her.

“I want you to realize something,” Uncle John continued. “The people you let in can go a long way toward determining your happiness.”

He then reached behind him and came up with several clipboards. He passed them out to each of us. Each clipboard had a pen and a few sheets of paper on it. The top page had a bunch of concentric circles at the top, and a smaller group of concentric circles on the bottom, with a heavy black line separating them.