Junior Year Box Set

Alan had grown up in the last couple of years. Gina had taught him a lot when they dated, and he acted much more confident around girls. Tami had gone for Trevor, who was a nerd. In a weird way, she and Alan might make sense—if they were anyone else.

I got dressed and packed. I didn’t plan on coming back. That was when I spotted the promise ring I’d gotten Tami. That promise was now gone. I took it off the necklace and put it in my pocket. I’d asked for a six a.m. wake-up call. I figured Tami should see it missing when she woke up in the morning and figure out what it meant.

As I walked out the door, I realized I’d lost all my childhood friends in only a couple of weeks. Jeff I had no choice in, but the other two were dead to me. I made it to the lobby and collapsed in a chair. I felt my hot tears run down my face. I probably made a spectacle of myself, but I didn’t care. I asked the guy at the front desk if they had a room, and he found me one. My next option would have been to impose on Suzanne. I really didn’t want to have to explain myself to anyone right now.

◊◊◊ Sunday September 6

I only got a couple of hours of sleep, but it gave me time to think everything through. I’d found a service that allowed you to call and leave a voicemail on someone’s phone without it ringing called ‘Slydial.’ I had to pay for it, but it was worth it. I left four voicemails that morning.

The first was to Brandon.

“Good morning. After what I walked into last night, after you assured me you would make sure Tami and Alan were kept out of trouble, I have serious doubts about your continued employment as my personal assistant. I’ll be going home this morning and would suggest that you figure out alternate transportation.”

The next was to Gus.

“Just wanted to let you know that I won’t be attending the workouts this morning. Please tell everyone that I still appreciate the offer, but I had something come up.”

I then called Alan.

“I hope it was worth it.”

Finally, I left one for Tami.

“Message received. I’ll miss you.”

◊◊◊

I was smart enough not to go home. If I did, they would find me there and browbeat me until I surrendered. That was not happening this time. I instead drove to Uncle John’s farm. Aunt Bonnie left us alone, and the two of us talked for most of the day. I spoke with him about Alan and Tami, and he agreed I needed to keep negative things out of my life. I didn’t need them pulling me down.

I then talked about my feelings about the situation with my mom and dad. He winced when I shared with him my thoughts about the likelihood of either him or Greg ever being faithful. I felt like a shit for voicing what I expect everyone thought. Uncle John just absorbed everything that had been building up in me.

He got me to talk about Jeff. That was when I sort of fell apart. I don’t know how it happened, but I woke up in his guest bedroom, curled up in a fetal position, and it was dark out. I sat up suddenly and was startled when a voice greeted me from the dark.

“Thought you could hide from me, did you?” Tami asked.

This weekend just kept getting worse. I now couldn’t trust my uncle. I got up and started to walk out the door, but Tami stepped in front of me.

“I know you’re hurt and mad. I know what you saw was bad, but Alan explained to me what happened. Alan and I had way too much to drink last night. Brandon got us home, and we were fully clothed when he left us. All I can say is we were drunk, and somehow we kissed. Alan surprised me in that he knew what he was doing. I won’t go into details, but he tells me nothing happened.

“I believe him, or at least I hope I can. When I woke up, I thought Alan had had sex with me,” Tami said, and then wrapped me into a bear hug.

I reached over and flipped on the light switch. She looked like hell. Tami must have been crying all day. As much as I wanted to push her away, I couldn’t. I wasn’t made of stone, even though I needed to be right now. I wasn’t sure whether I believed her or not. There had been a time when I felt I could’ve trusted her with my life. I also knew Alan. There was no way he had sex with Tami if she was asleep. He just didn’t have it in him, no matter how drunk he was. If it happened, it was with Tami’s consent.

Then it hit me. I wasn’t mad at Tami or Alan anymore. I just didn’t care. My nature was to reach out and help someone in need. My holding her in my arms was only that. Whatever love I’d had for Tami had been burned out of my heart after what I saw this morning. I wondered if I should thank her. I had gone back and forth on this issue for over a year now. A small smile crept onto my face.

“What are you smiling about?” Tami asked.

“I just realized something. I may love you, but I’m no longer in love with you.”

◊◊◊

Chapter 9 – They Were Surprised I Did It Monday September 7