Junior Year Box Set

I woke up to someone getting into my bed. I tried to figure out who it could be when I heard the sound of thunder rumbling. Then I felt a paw on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw that Duke, my Labrador retriever, had a worried look. It was a toss-up as to which he feared more, the vacuum or thunderstorms. Duke knew he wasn’t allowed on the bed, but I rubbed his ears and he snuggled up to me. A moment later, it began to rain.

“I don’t think we’re running this morning,” I said.

He seemed to understand and was soon in doggie dreamland. I envied him because I was now awake. It gave me a chance to think. I rolled out of bed and put on some water to make tea. I looked out my window, saw the mood of the weather, and had a half smile. It was perfect for how I felt. The good news was at least now I knew. Tami and I, as a couple, were never going to happen. Well, that might not be true; there was always ‘someday,’ that mythical place and time when everything was possible. It was the Disneyland we all created in our minds, that someday everything would be perfect. I had to stop living for someday and start living for today, the here and now, where we really lived.

I’d been fooling myself for long enough. If Tami really had loved me, it would have been enough. I thought we’d proven that over the last eleven years. I watched as lightning raced across the sky and momentarily made everything clearer with its brightness. In that moment of clarity, I realized I couldn’t continue to allow Tami to run my life. I needed a clean break so I could move on. I would no longer allow myself to be hobbled emotionally by my desire to be with her. I was stronger than that. My pursuit of her had been a colossal mistake, but she had always been my blind spot. At that moment, I was disappointed that I’d shown so much weakness. Like so many worthwhile lessons, you have to learn them the hard way. No one could have warned me, and I wouldn’t have listened anyway. In a way, I should have thanked Tami for teaching me a valuable lesson.

Whenever I felt like I had steered the proverbial boat of my life into the rocks, I reviewed my life goals to correct my course. I got my tablet out and pulled them up.

 

Financial Stability

Comfortable Life

Good Education

Physically Fit

Solid Moral Foundation

Religion / Faith

Man of Integrity (Man of my word)

No Gossip

Think before saying ‘yes’

Learn to say ‘no’

Healthy Sex Life

Reviewing the goals, I didn’t see anywhere where it said anything about finding my life partner. Uncle John had explained that as I got older, my goals would change. I thought about my summer activities. The two main areas I’d focused on were football and Tami. Uncle John had taught me that my life goals were like a business plan for a company: if you were busy doing activities that didn’t align with your goals, you were wasting company time and resources.

Football had a slim chance of making me financially secure. All it would take would be an injury or some bad breaks and I would never make it to the NFL. It might open the door to scholarships for college, but did I really need the money for that? Would I be better off paying my own way and focusing on academics exclusively? Being a Division One college quarterback is a full-time job, and would eat up a tremendous amount of my time and energy. Did I seriously consider that route would get me to where I wanted to end up? The short answer was obviously ‘yes.’

Looking over the rest of the list, football would obviously fit into the Physically Fit category. Being a leader required a Solid Moral Foundation. I guess you could make the argument that it contributed to a Healthy Sex Life. It was true that girls like jocks.

Then I considered Tami. If she became a doctor, it was a toss-up whether that would help her financially. She could end up racking up significant student loan debt if she didn’t get scholarships. The sad truth was that most doctors were not very business savvy, and if they went into private practice, many didn’t make the kind of money people assumed. With the changes in health care, it looked like those margins had gotten tighter. It was very much like teaching: you didn’t go into it unless you had a passion, because you wouldn’t get rich doing it. I foresaw that in the future it would be the very same way for the average doctor.

Then again, if Tami and I were together, we could achieve anything. I would never let her fail on the business side. If my goal were financial security, I would make sure either I helped her become successful financially or found the right people to make it happen. This would free her up to do what she loved.

The main argument against my prediction was Tami wasn’t average. It wouldn’t be a surprise if she could do it all.