Journeys into the bright world

What the space brothers now seemed to be showing me was that in the mandala of the universe the highest is reflected in the lowest like gold reduced to lead or diamonds to coal. It is a worthy, albeit difficult, feat to link extreme positions. Perhaps at some prior stage I had attained an elevated spiritual altitude; hence it was now possible to descend lower, even to the point of undergoing a lot of gross experiences. What seemed to be needed at this point were people who, like cells in the body of humanity, could burrow down and perform anatomical tasks of which the conscious mind has slight cognizance, and simultaneously remain responsive to the developmental plan for the organism as a whole. An astrologer might say that the conjunction of my ruling planet, the Moon, with Pluto which signifies penetration to the depths illustrates this hypothesis.

It also came to me that this physical denseness was connected with the nervous incoordination which had plagued me through my school days and which still shows in my dyslextic handwriting. Could this long-term awkwardness, which yoga has to some extent alleviated, have been a function of having so much more to bring together? The irony of being a writer who can hardly control a pen seems little different from that of being a spirit too far removed from the body with which it is compelled to work. Could this also be why my vision suffers from the defect of having one near-sighted and one far-sighted eye? Again, thinking of my horoscope this state of affairs seemed to be shown by Saturn's opposition to Mercury, planet of communications.

All this may sound like an immodest rationalization for a lack of psychic sensitivity. Nevertheless, these were the thoughts seeded in my mind during that particular group session. In addition, it was impressed upon me that the time had come to re-etherealize this vehicle of all-too-solid flesh. Perhaps that was why I had been offered the opportunity to receive and pass on the gift of ketamine. Certainly the mission would require a well-armored exterior to ward off the barbs of a host of critics. But if I could become more clairvoyant by this means, so too could similarly earthbound souls. Yes, the body was feeling more than ever like lead, but alchemically lead is a substance that can be transmuted into gold.

Pondering these insights in the days that followed I was reminded that most mediumistic persons are enabled to link inner and outer worlds because of the gauzy quality of their subtle "etheric" bodies. Owing to this permeability messages can be transmitted, but all too often a lack of fiber has resulted in a predisposition to obesity, alcoholism and temperamental idiosyncrasies. Consequently spiritualism fell into disrepute while staid Theosophists still find it hard to live down the peccadilloes of H.P. Blavatsky. Would it be possible, then, to take someone like myself who is not in the least mediumistic and with the aid of ketamine deliberately widen the interstices of consciousness, as though fashioning a filigree of loose-knit filaments through which the light may shine?

The weekend of February twelfth was one of those rare times when I had almost two days all to myself. Howard had gone on a fishing trip and no company was expected. Accordingly, I hoped to make some real progress in my explorations of the bright world.

Saturday morning was launched with a thirty-five milligram session which opened up new territory inasmuch as it was the first time that I contacted a particular spiritual personage. The entity reached was my inner-plane guru, a personage to whom I have felt close all my life but never met "in the flesh." Actually, I did not see his figure and very little of the face, although I could sense the quality of his presence. All that was really clear were the eyes. As he looked directly at me my entire being was irradiated by the light of that all-seeing gaze. It was as though I were being drawn into the glowing nimbus of his consciousness and rendered transparent so that his light could shine through me. At this point my concentration was so intense there was no room for thought. Any verbal message would have been utterly superfluous. It was an exercise in pure being of a type never before experienced. Only toward the end did the idea come that he was the alchemist who was transmuting the lead of my physical biomechanism into the gold of a soul-infused personality.