Journey

“Only for as long as I say you do, and don't you forget that.” And with that, he got up and walked out of the room, and Maddy stood there gasping. She waited until she could hear him moving around upstairs, and then quietly closed the kitchen door and called Dr. Flowers. She told her everything that had happened, about Lizzie finding her, and Jack not telling her she'd been looking for her, and his utter fury at having been lied to.

“And how do you feel, Maddy? Right now. Honestly. Think about it.”

“I feel guilty. I should have told him. And I never should have left her.”

“Do you believe all the things he says you are?”

“Some of them.”

“Why? If he came to you with your story could you forgive him?”

“Yes,” she said instantly, “I think I'd understand it.”

“Then what does it say about him that he can't do that for you?”

“That he's a shit,” Maddy said, looking around her kitchen, and listening to Dr. Flowers.

“That's one way to put it. But you're not. That's the point here. You're a good person who had a very sad thing happen to her, that's one of the worst things that can happen to a woman, having to give up a baby. Can you forgive yourself for it?”

“Maybe. In time.”

“And what about the things Jack is saying to you? Do you think you deserve them?”

“No.”

“Think what that says about him. Listen to what he's saying about you, Maddy. None of it's true, but all of it is aimed to hurt you, and it does, and I don't blame you for it.” She heard footsteps in the hall then, and told Dr. Flowers she had to go, but at least the doctor had given her some perspective. And an instant later, the door flew open and Jack strode into the room with a look of suspicion.

“Who were you talking to? Your boyfriend?”

“I don't have a boyfriend, Jack, and you know it,” she said meekly.

“Who was it then?”

“A friend.”

“You don't have friends. No one likes you. Was it that little black faggot you love so much?” Maddy winced at what Jack was saying, but she didn't answer. “You'd damn well better not tell anyone about this. I don't want you wrecking my show. You say a word about this to anyone, and I'll kill you. Do you understand me?”

“I understand you,” she said with her eyes filled with tears. He had said so many hurtful things in the past hour, she didn't know which had hurt most. They all did.

She waited for him to leave the room, and then dialed the hotel where Lizzie was staying. She knew she'd be there till the morning.

They rang her room, and a second later, Lizzie answered. She'd been lying on her bed, thinking about Maddy. She'd watched her on the news that night and couldn't stop smiling.

“Maddy … I mean Mom … I mean …”

“Mom is fine.” Maddy smiled at the now familiar voice, and realized that Lizzie sounded just like her. “I just called to tell you I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom. God, that sounds good, doesn't it?”

There were tears running down Maddy s cheeks as she answered. “It sure does, sweetheart. I'll call you in Memphis. Have a safe trip back.” She didn't want anything to happen to her now that they had found each other, and when she put the phone down again, she was smiling. No matter what Jack said to her, or did to her because of it, he couldn't take that away from her now. After all these years, and so many losses, she was a mother.

Chapter 13

BILL AND MADDY MET AT the Bombay Club for lunch, and she was wearing a white linen Chanel pantsuit when she walked in, with her sunglasses on her head and a straw handbag over her shoulder. She looked like an ad for the joys of summer, and he looked happy to see her. He looked handsome and tan, and his white hair was in sharp contrast to his blue eyes and suntanned face, as he stood up and watched Maddy walk toward him. She looked a lot happier than she had the last time he saw her and he was pleased to see it.

He ordered white wine for both of them, and they chatted for a few minutes before looking at the menu. Several well-known politicians were there, and a Supreme Court judge Bill knew from their days at Harvard.

“You seem pretty chipper today,” he smiled at her, “are things a little quieter on the home front?”

“I wouldn't say that, but Dr. Flowers has been a big help, and something wonderful happened to me.”

Every time he met her, for one reason or another, he was afraid she was going to tell him she was pregnant. He didn't know why it bothered him so much, but now that he knew more about Jack, he particularly didn't want her to get trapped in that marriage. And a baby would certainly do that.

“You said something about it yesterday. Am I allowed to ask, or is it top secret?”

She laughed at the way he said it. “I think your security clearance is adequate for this, Ambassador. Besides, I trust you, but yes, it is a secret.”

“You're not having a baby, Maddy, are you?” He said it in an undervoice, looking worried, and she smiled like the Mona Lisa, as he felt a tremor of worry run through him.