Jingo

“I suspect that you thought he was Klatchian as soon as you saw him, but I take your point.”

“And you could read this code, could you?”

“Oh, come now. Don't you read Vetinari's paperwork upside down when you're standing in front of his desk? Besides, I am Prince Cadram's policeman…”

“So he's your boss, right?”

“Who is your boss, Sir Samuel? When push comes to shove?”

The two men stood locked together. Ahmed's breath wheezed.

Vimes stood back. “These messages… you've got them?”

“Oh, yes. With his seal on them.” Ahmed rubbed his neck.

“Good grief. The originals? I'd have thought they'd be under lock and key.”

“They were. In the embassy. But in the fire many hands were needed to carry important documents to safety. It was a very… useful fire.”

“A death warrant for his own brother… well, you can't argue against that in court…”

“What court? The king is the law.” Ahmed sat down. “We are not like you. You kill kings.”

“The word is ‘execute’. And we only did it once, and that was a long time ago,” said Vimes. “Is that why you brought me here? Why all this drama? You could have come to see me in Ankh-Morpork!”

“You are a suspicious man, commander. Would you have believed me? Besides, I had to get Prince Khufurah out of there, before he, ahah, ‘died of his wounds’.”

“Where's the Prince now?”

“Close. And safe. He is safer in the desert than he would ever be in Ankh-Morpork, I can assure you.”

“And well?”

“Getting better. He is being looked after by an old lady whom I trust.”

“Your mother?”

“Ye gods, no! My mother is a D'reg! She'd be terribly offended if I trusted her. She'd say she hadn't brought me up right.”

He saw Vimes's expression this time. “You think I am an educated barbarian?”

“Let's just say I'd have given Snowy Slopes a running start.”

“Really? Look around you, Sir Samuel. Your… beat… is a city you can walk across in half an hour. Mine is two million square miles of desert and mountain. My companions are a sword and a camel and, frankly, neither are good conversationalists, believe me. Oh, the towns and cities have their guards, of a sort. They are uncomplicated thinkers. But it is my job to go into the waste places and chase bandits and murderers, five hundred miles from anyone who would be on my side, so I must inspire dread and strike the first blow because I will not have a chance to strike a second one. I am an honest man of a sort, I think. I survive. I survived seven years in an Ankh-Morpork public school patronized by the sons of gentlemen. Compared to that, life among the D'regs holds no terrors, I assure you. And I administer justice swiftly and inexpensively.”

“I heard about how you got your name…”

Ahmed shrugged. “The man had poisoned the water. The only well for twenty miles. That killed five men, seven women, thirteen children and thirty-one camels. And some of them were very valuable camels, mark you. I had evidence from the man who sold him the poison and a trustworthy witness who had seen him near the well on the fateful night. Once I had testimony from his servant, why wait even an hour?”

“Sometimes we have trials,” said Vimes brightly.

“Yes. Your Lord Vetinari decides. Well, five hundred miles from anywhere the law is me.” Ahmed waved a hand. “Oh, no doubt the man would suggest there were mitigating circumstances, that he had an unhappy childhood or was driven by Compulsive Well-Poisoning Disorder. But I have a compulsion to behead cowardly murderers.”

Vimes gave up. The man had a point. The man had a whole sword.

“Different strokes for different folks,” he said.

“I find the one at shoulder height generally suffices,” said Ahmed. “Don't grimace, it was a joke. I knew the Prince was plotting and I thought: this is not right. Had he killed some Ankh-Morpork lord, that would just be politics. But this… I thought, why do I chase stupid people into the mountains when I am part of a big crime? The Prince wants to unite the whole of Klatch. Personally, I like the little tribes and countries, even their little wars. But I don't mind if they fight Ankh-Morpork because they want to, or because of your horrible personal habits, or your unthinking arrogance… there's a lot of reasons for fighting Ankh-Morpork. A lie isn't one of them.”

“I know what you mean,” said Vimes.

“But what can I do alone? Arrest my Prince? I am his policeman, as you are Vetinari's.”

“No. I'm an officer of the law.”

“All I know is, there must be a policeman, even for kings.”

Vimes looked pensively at the moonlit desert.

Somewhere out there was the Ankh-Morpork army, what there was of it. And somewhere waiting was the Klatchian army. And thousands of men who might have quite liked one another had they met socially would thunder towards one another and start killing, and after that first rush you had all the excuses you needed to do it again and again…