Jingo

“And if this was not enough,” Rust went on, “we are told, and in other circumstances I would find this very hard to believe, even of a counter-jumper like you, that earlier tonight you, being quite unprovoked, assaulted two Klatchian guards, trespassed on Klatchian soil, entered the women's quarters, abducted two Klatchians from their beds, ordered the destruction of Klatchian property and… well, frankly, acted quite disgracefully.”

What is the point of arguing? Vimes thought. Why play cards with a shaved deck? And yet

“Two Klatchians, sir?”

“It seems Prince Khufurah has been kidnapped, Vimes. I find it hard to believe that even you would attempt that, but the Klatchians seem to be suggesting this. You were seen entering their property illegally. And you appear to have dragged a helpless lady from her bed. What have you got to say about that?”

“It was on fire at the time, sir.”

Lieutenant Hornett stepped forward and whispered something. Lord Rust subsided a bit.

“All right. Very well. There were perhaps mitigating circumstances, but politically it was a most ill-advised action, Vimes. I cannot pretend to know what has happened to the Prince, but frankly you seem to have taken a positive delight in making matters worse.”

Can you climb, Mr Vimes? Vimes said nothing. The other man had been carrying something bulky over his shoulder…

“You are removed from authority, commander. And the Watch will come under the direct command of this council. Is that understood?”

Rust turned to Carrot. “Captain Carrot, many of us here have heard… good reports about you, and by due authority I hereby appoint you acting Commander of the Watch—”

Vimes shut his eyes.

Carrot saluted smartly. “No! Sir!”

Vimes opened his eyes wide.

“Really?” Rust stared at Carrot for a few moments, and then gave a little shrug.

“Ah, well… loyalty is a fine thing. Sergeant Colon?”

“Sir!”

“In the circumstances, and since you are the most experienced noncommissioned officer and have an exemp– and have a military record, you will take command of the Watch for the duration of the… emergency.”

“Nossir!”

“That was an instruction, sergeant.”

Beads of sweat began to form on Colon's brow. “Nossir!”

“Sergeant!”

“You can put it where the sun does not shine, sir!” said Colon desperately.

Once again, Vimes saw Rust's milky-blue stare. Rust never looked surprised. And since he knew that a mere sergeant would never dare offer cheeky defiance, he erased Sergeant Colon from the immediate universe.

The gaze turned briefly to Detritus.

And he doesn't know how to speak to a troll, Vimes thought. And he was once again impressed, in the same dark way, by the manner in which Rust dealt with the problem. He dealt with it by making it not be there.

“Who is the senior corporal in the Watch, Sir Samuel?”

“That would be Corporal Nobbs.”

The committee went into a huddle. There was a rush of whispering, in which the words “—an absolute little tit–” could be heard several times. Finally Rust looked up again.

“And the next in seniority?”

“Let me see… that would be Corporal Stronginthearm,” said Vimes. He felt oddly light-headed.

“Perhaps he is a man who can take orders.”

“He's a dwarf, you idiot!”

Not a muscle moved on Rust's face. There was a clink as Vimes's badge was set neatly on the table.

“I don't have to take this,” Vimes said calmly.

“Oh, so you'd rather be a civilian, would you?”

“A watchman is a civilian, you inbred streak of piss!”

Rust's brain erased the sounds that his ears could not possibly have heard.

“And the keys to the armoury, Sir Samuel,” he said.

They jangled as they landed on the table.

“And do the rest of you have any empty gestures to make?” said Lord Rust.

Sergeant Colon took his grimy badge out of his pocket and was a little disappointed that it didn't make a defiant tinkle when he threw it on the table but instead bounced and smashed the water jug.

“I got my badge carved on my arm,” Detritus rumbled. “Someone c'n try an' take it off if dey likes.”

Carrot laid his badge down very carefully.

Rust raised his eyebrows. “You too, captain?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I would have thought that you at least—”

He stopped and looked up in annoyance as the doors opened. A couple of the palace guards ran in, with a group of Klatchians behind them.

The council got to their feet in a hurry.

Vimes recognized the Klatchian in the centre of the group. He'd seen him around at official functions and, if it hadn't been for the fact that the man was a Klatchian, would have marked him down as a shifty piece of work.

“Who's he?” he whispered to Carrot.

“Prince Kalif. He's the deputy ambassador.”

“Another prince?”

The man came to a halt in front of the table, glanced at Vimes with no show of recognition and bowed to Lord Rust.

“Prince Kalif,” said Lord Rust. “Your arrival is unannounced but nevertheless—”