Jake didn’t answer at first. He wore his thinking face. Finally, he looked out my window at the houses lining the street. “I think we should find a house and hunker down for the night.” The zombies at the end of the street had taken notice of our loitering and were on their way to roll out the welcome wagon. “Let’s try to find a street with no activity and find something safe.”
“And then what?”
“And then we batten down the hatches and try to find food and a soft bed for the night.”
I looked at Jake, exhaling like a deflating balloon, and said solemnly, “No, Jake, and then what? We can’t settle down in someone else’s home and expect to survive. What about our family? Our friends?”
“One day at a time, baby. Let’s get through tonight. Tomorrow we can discuss what to do next.” He pulled the car off the shoulder and made a U-turn.
As Jake drove in search of a zombie free neighborhood, I fiddled with the dial on the radio. The satellite was out due to the weather, so I switched over to FM. We were greeted with static. Either no one was broadcasting, or the storm was affecting them as well. For my own sanity, I opted for option B. I was still drenched from the rain and shivering from cold. I turned on the heat and cranked the windshield defrost to give Jake as much visibility as the rain allowed.
The smell hit me and I recoiled from Jake. “Jesus, Jake. Why didn’t you just take a shit when we stopped?” I wrinkled my nose in disgust and gave him a dirty look. “You could have at least cracked a window or something! Today is not the day for ninja farts!”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything.”
“Riiiight. I know you let one rip,” I said, dragging out the word. Daphne growled and her body went rigid in my arms. “See? Even the dog doesn’t believe you! Your ass smells like death warmed over, buddy.”
Realization hit both of us then. Our eyes went wide and we started to turn in our seats. Alicia’s upper body plunged through the opening between the seats and she grabbed hold of my hair. Daphne went ballistic, drowning the car with her shrill barks. She lunged at Alicia but was knocked to the floor by one of my flailing arms.
“Get her off! Jesus fucking Christ, Jake! Get her off me.” Alicia snapped at my face as I tore my head out of her reach and effectively ripped out the handful of hair she still held in her grasp.
The car swerved as Jake and I tried to fight her off. Jake managed to keep one hand on the wheel, but considering that he was turned in his seat and using his other hand to bat Alicia away, I was pretty sure we would lose our safe driver discount. To an onlooker, the scene probably looked like a bad Jerry Springer episode.
Arms flailed, mostly mine, and we managed to hold Alicia at bay. I took hold of her wrists and spread them apart to keep her from gouging out my eyes. This strategy would have worked if she hadn’t been attempting to eat my face. With our arms held out, our faces were mere inches apart. I was up close and personal with the stench I wrongly accused Jake of making. I could feel Daphne scratching at my jeans unsuccessfully trying to gain purchase to climb onto my lap.
Alicia opened her mouth and snapped at me, which caused a line of spittle to land on my cheek and ooze down. I was thankful I hadn’t eaten since lunch because I had no doubt that it would have made a second appearance.
Her skin looked sallow and dark spider veins crept up her neck and onto her cheeks. Each time she opened her mouth, little cracks at the corners split and grew bigger. She snapped at me like a rabid dog, biting her tongue as she clamped down on nothing and severing it from her mouth. The tip of her tongue fell limply to the center console as coagulated clumps of blood leaked out of the wound and stuck to the interior of the car.
I did my best to look for the gun with my peripheral vision but came up empty. The crowbar lay between Jake’s seat and the center console and I yelled at him to use it. As he reached down, his hand on the wheel slipped and the car swung hard to the right. He righted the wheel and swung the crowbar wildly in our direction. And the motherfucker missed Alicia and clipped me in the side of the head. Dazed, I fell backwards and my ass got stuck in the foot well, effectively trapping me. Jake whacked away at Alicia while I was folded up like a sandwich and virtually kissing my knees. My lower legs bobbed and weaved to avoid her deathly bite. Daphne, now completely trapped in the tiny space behind my back, made muffled noises and sniffed for an exit. She found an exit, all right, but not one she was going to escape through. I squealed as her wet nose burrowed into the crack of my ass.