In Laymon's Terms

“I need a fucking cigarette,” he snarled in a thick New York accent. “Thirty days of this without a smoke!”

“Why didn’t you just bring some as your luxury item?” Jerry asked.

“They made me pick between my hat and my smokes. I don’t go anywhere without my hat.”

“You’re from New York?”

“No, I’m from Bodega Bay, California. But I grew up in New York. Brackard’s Point, armpit of the fucking world. Left my first wife there and drove to Florida. Left my second wife there and drove to Seattle. Left another bitch there and drove to Bodega Bay. Been there ever since. My hat stayed with me the whole time.”

“Hey,” Heather called. “Here comes Roland!”

Roland Thompson stepped out of the helicopter, dressed in a safari outfit, and strolled across the sand toward them.

“Prissy fucker,” Troy muttered, and began to twitch again.

“Hello everyone,” he greeted them in a deep baritone. “Welcome to your new home, where you will compete with your fellow castaways. The last one to leave this island will go home with one million dollars.” Everyone clapped, except for Troy, staring sullenly at the sand.

“I want to congratulate each of you. For this, our seventh Castaway competition, we received over ten thousand entries. You eight were chosen to be our contestants. You’ve met each other already, onboard ship, but for the audience, I’d like to have each of you introduce yourself again. Tell us where you’re from and what you do for a living.”

The camera swooped in on Becka.

“My name is Becka,” she smiled. “And I’m a student at York College of Pennsylvania, where I’m studying to be a graphic designer.”

“I’m Jerry, and I’m a clerk at a video store in Los Angeles, California.”

“I thought you said you owned a video store?” Antoine questioned.

“Well,” Jerry’s ears turned red. “It’s my Uncle’s store. He’s never there so I pretty much run it.”

“So you lied.”

Jerry said nothing. Antoine stared into the camera.

“My name is Antoine. I’m from North Carolina. I own a private security firm.”

“I’m Heather, and I’m a housewife from Lansing, Michigan.”

“I’m Marcy, and I’m here from New York City, where I work as a securities analyst for a development company.”

“I don’t even know what the fuck that means,” Troy said as the camera swung toward him. “But my name’s Troy. I bend wrenches for a living. I live in California, and I need a fucking smoke.”

“I can see already that we’re going to have to bleep you a lot,” Roland commented. The group laughed.

“I’m from Atlanta, Georgia. My name’s Shonette, and I’m a telemarketer.”

They groaned.

“So you’re the person that calls every time my family sits down for dinner,” Heather teased.

“It beats bending wrenches, I can tell you that,” Troy said.

“My name is Larry. I live in Washington D.C.,” he swaggered directly toward the camera. “I’m a lobbyist for the biggest insurance firm in the nation, and I will be the last person left on this island.”

“A lobbyist?” Troy snorted. “Hell, that’s worse than being a fucking telemarketer.”

“And you,” Larry blustered, “will be the first one off the island, wrench-boy.”

“Not if we cook you and eat you, ya yuppie fuck.”

“Well,” Roland broke in, “I can see we’re off to a good start! You’re all familiar with the show, but I want to run over some of the rules again. Initiating direct contact with the camera crew results in immediate disqualification. You can talk to each other and myself, but you may not address the crew, unless they specifically address you first. Even when you’re sleeping, at least one of them will be awake, filming. When their shift is over, the helicopter will ferry them back to the ship. As each of you are voted off the island, you will also return to the ship.

“Every other day, you’ll be given a challenge. It may be physical or mental, and each day the parameters will differ. The winner of that day’s challenge will vote for the person they feel should leave the island. You can compete against each other individually, or form teams of three. In the case of the latter, the winning team will vote on an individual. Once you have three votes, you will be asked to leave immediately.

“When not competing in a challenge, you can stay together, split into groups, or go it alone. I suggest working together at the beginning. Our scouting party only spent a day here, but in that short time they determined that food and water are in abundance. It is up to you, however, to find it.” He paused.

“As a brief historical note, you’ll be the first human beings to spend the night on this island in over one hundred years.”

“Why is that?” Larry asked.