Impossible

“And then what? We do something stupid? And what happens after that? We have a great month, or two or three, and then you walk out on me again the next time I hurt your feelings. Liam, I won't do it.”

“Well, I'm not leaving till you say you will. I want to spend Christmas with you. Actually, I want to spend my life with you. I need you. You're the only woman in the world who understands me, and actually cares about me, and takes care of me.”

“I don't want to be your mother, Liam,” she said sternly, “no matter how old I am.”

“All men want to be mothered. It's the nature of the beast.” Someone else had told her that, and she couldn't remember who. She was trying to think, but it didn't matter. What he was saying was crazy, no matter how beautiful and appealing he was, or how sexy. “I like that you're older than I am. You make more sense than I do.”

“That's because you don't want to grow up.”

“You can be grown up for both of us. I give you permission.” He looked as though he thought he had solved the problem, but he hadn't, for her at least.

“You have to be a grown-up, too.”

“I hate that part,” he said, snapping his fingers.

“Can't I be a wacky artist till I'm eighty? By then, you can just tell people I'm senile.”

“You can be a wacky artist now, just not all the time.” Although he hadn't been all the time before, either. Just selectively, like at the barbecue, where he had been flat-out outrageous, not just wacky. No one would ever forget it, and certainly not she. “It doesn't matter what we agree to, Liam. It still won't work. It just won't. It didn't. It really is impossible.”

“That's bullshit. It is possible. You just don't want it to be.”

“Why wouldn't I want it to be possible? Why wouldn't I want to be with you if I love you, which I do? I never stopped loving you. You're the one who walked out. I didn't. You're the one who made it impossible, and proved it. You convinced me. I was thinking it was possible right about then, until you went nuts over Tati, although I'll admit, she was awful to you.”

“She was and I was stupid. I don't know, Sasha. What can I tell you? Other than Beth, you're the only woman I've ever loved. Maybe I'm a slow learner, or dyslexic or something. All I know is I get it now.”

“It's too late,” she said sadly. She didn't want it to be, but it was. For both of them. They couldn't do this again, no matter how tempting.

“It's not,” he insisted.

“It is.” She was as stubborn as he. More so this time.

“I'm going to get drunk in a minute if you don't stop arguing with me. You give me no other choice.”

For a minute, she thought he meant it. “Do you want a drink?”

“No, I want you.” He got down on bended knee in her kitchen. They still hadn't made it out of the kitchen, and she laughed at him.

“You look ridiculous, stop that. Get up, for God's sake.”

“I won't till you agree to try again. Oh hell, Sasha, what have we got to lose?”

“Our sanity. Mine anyway. I damn near lost it last time.”

“I won't do that again. I promise.”

“You'll do something else worse. I know you will.”

“Then what? So we'll fight for a while, and figure it out. It's a learning process. I'm a slow learner, but God, woman, I love you.”

“You're impossible.”

“Maybe I am. But this relationship isn't.” He walked over then and did what he had wanted to do all evening, and the night before, and hadn't dared. He kissed her, and put his arms around her. He didn't stop until they were both breathless. “I love you,” he said hoarsely.

“I love you, too,” she whispered. “Please, Liam … don't do this to me.” She was absolutely incapable of resisting him, and she knew it. She wanted him too much.

“Please, Sash, give us a chance …,” he whispered back. She looked at him long and hard, and then as though someone else had done it for her, totally out of her control, she nodded yes, and then closed her eyes.

With a single gesture, he swept her up in his arms, walked into her bedroom, and laid her down on the bed they had shared that summer. She lay watching him while he undressed, wondering at the insanity of what they were doing, and profoundly unable to resist him.

“I think I'm possessed,” she said, as she watched him take off his shoes, and then his pants. “I need an exorcist.”

“I need you,” he said, as he dropped his trousers on the floor and then his shirt. She nearly swooned as she watched him do it, and then he turned off the light. “All I need is you,” he said as he joined her in bed.

“I love you, Liam…we better get it right this time,” she warned as he started to make love to her.

“We will, Sash, I promise.”

They made love as though they were addicted to each other. What they shared was beyond reason, beyond promises, beyond words. All they knew, as they lay together, was that they both believed that it was possible again.

Chapter 20

Sasha woke up in the morning, lying next to Liam, and all she could do this time was laugh. “Tell me I'm dreaming. I must be on drugs … we are both nuts to try this again.”