High Profile

“There’s no never, Jenn. I don’t know what’s wrong with us. I don’t know what we’re doing, and I have no goddamned clue where we are going. But whatever and wherever, there’s no never between us.”

She raised her face a little from his chest. Her eyes were red, and her eye makeup was streaking.

“Is there an always?” she said.

Jesse looked down at her. The question hung in the silent room like blue smoke.

“Yes,” Jesse said. “I don’t know what kind of always, or what kind of life it implies, but yes. There will always be an always between us.”

The blue smoke that was only a metaphor seemed to dissolve. Jenn put her head back against his chest. She stopped crying. They were quiet.

Then she said softly, “No. He didn’t rape me.”

Jesse patted her shoulder.

“I told him I’d been an actress. He was impressed,” Jenn said. “He told me he’d love to use me in some of his marketing and promotion venues. Public appearances, modeling, it would have been a wonderful career boost.”

Jesse continued to pat her shoulder. Jenn’s voice was tranquil, as if she were talking of a happy childhood.

“So we had a little fling,” she said.

Jesse nodded.

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“But nothing worked out much. He didn’t ever seem to have the right spot for me in what he was doing . . . and he wasn’t that much fun.”

They were quiet while Jenn remembered how much fun Tim Lloyd hadn’t been.

“There’s a lot of men like him,” she said. “A surprising number of them. They’re eager for sex, but not very good at it. They just want to sort of . . .” She paused, aware of Jesse.

“Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am,” Jesse said.

“They’re mostly interested in their own experience,” Jenn said. “And they’re just not very adroit.”

“So sex with Tim Lloyd wasn’t worth it for its own sake,”

Jesse said.

“God,” Jenn said. “That sounds ugly.”

“It is what it is,” Jesse said.

“It wasn’t working out,” Jenn said. “The last time we were together, I told him that it wasn’t.”

“And?”

“He wanted to know why, so I told him.”

“Including the part about not being adroit?”

“Yes.”

“Ouch,” Jesse said.

“He asked,” Jenn said.

“And you were sick of him.”

“Yes,” Jenn said. “He said he wasn’t going to take that answer. He said it was my fault because I never told him. He 2 2 2

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said he wanted to have sex again and I should show him what I wanted.”

Jesse felt the muscles tighten in his back and shoulders. Jenn felt them, too.

“Are you all right?” she said.

“There’s nothing I can’t hear, Jenn. It needs to be said.”

“I told him no. I told him we were talking about impulse and emotion, not, for God’s sake, training.”

“If he had to ask . . .” Jesse said.

“Exactly,” Jenn said. “He was furious. I could tell he wanted to force me. But he was too spent. He wouldn’t be able to erect, and we both knew it. Tim never had a fast recovery.”

“So he left?”

“Yes, but he said he wasn’t accepting what I said, and that I’d be seeing him again.”

“So there was the threat of rape.”

“That’s what I heard,” Jenn said.

“And then he began to stalk you.”

“Yes.”

“And you were scared and came to me claiming you had been raped.”

“Yes.”

“Did you think I’d kill him?”

“No, oh God no, Jesse. I was just scared, and when I’m scared I run to you.”

“And you didn’t identify him as the stalker because you didn’t want to get caught in the lie.”

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She nodded her head against his chest.

“That was one reason.”

“And you didn’t want people to know the nature of your relationship,” Jesse said.

Jenn nodded again.

“I’d been fucking him as a career move,” she said.

“You were in a box,” Jesse said. “You didn’t want to be unprotected, and you didn’t want him confronted.”

“Yes.”

“So what did you think was going to happen?”

“I didn’t know. I was paralyzed. I just denied everything.”

“I know,” Jesse said.

“You remember that time in L.A. when I found the scotch in the glove compartment.”

“Yes,” Jesse said. “I understand.”

They sat quietly. Jenn had stopped crying.

After a time, Jenn said, “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I’ll ask Sunny to stay with you until I figure it out.”

Again they were quiet.

Then Jenn said, “I’ve never even asked you about that murder case in Paradise.”

“Coming down all over me,” Jesse said.

“You didn’t need me to add in my own troubles,” Jenn said.

“I did,” Jesse said. “I do. I just need a little time to figure everything out.”

“Will you tell Sunny?”

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“Yes.”

Jenn nodded.

“She’ll think I’m awful,” Jenn said.

“Sunny doesn’t make that kind of judgment,” Jesse said.

“Do you love her?”

“Sort of,” Jesse said.

“More than me.”

Jesse took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Less,” he said.

Jenn nodded again.

“What’s going to become of us, Jesse?”

“God knows,” Jesse said.

“No,” Jenn said. “I don’t think He does.”

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50

Suitcase Simpson came in with his notebook and sat down in front of Jesse’s desk.

“Master detective,” he said.

“You enjoy Baltimore?” Jesse said.