Further Confessions of a GP

My personal worst moment of communication was about eight hours into a busy A&E shift some years ago. Corresponding to each patient sitting in the waiting room was a small set of paper notes headed with their name and the medical complaint that had brought them into the emergency department. Hour after hour, the routine was the same: I would pick up the top set of notes from the endless pile, walk into the noisy waiting room and shout out their name. For some reason, on this one occasion, instead of calling out the name, I shouted out the patient’s medical complaint instead.

‘SWOLLEN FACE,’ I bellowed at the top of my voice.

I was absolutely mortified as this was a terrible, if accidental, breach of patient confidentiality. Oddly enough, though, the patients didn’t seem to bat an eyelid and up stood a gentleman at the back of the waiting room with an impressively swollen face. He then proceeded to trudge unperturbed through into the treatment area. My terrible violation of his privacy had gone completely unnoticed, although I do wonder whether if I had shouted out ‘TWISTED TESTICLE’ or ‘FOREIGN OBJECT IN ANUS’ to a full waiting room, the fallout might have been rather more noticeable.

It’s not just doctors who can be so horrendously insensitive. I once heard of a young couple going to have the all-important 20-week ultrasound scan of their first pregnancy. The sonographer performing the scan apparently kept looking at the screen while ‘tut-tutting’ loudly and shaking her head. The understandably anxious parents-to-be asked what was wrong. However, the sonographer replied that she couldn’t possibly say, but that she would book them an appointment with the consultant for a few weeks’ time. The dad at this point, in his own words, ‘lost it a bit’ and demanded the sonographer tell them what she could see. Astonishingly, her response was, ‘Well, you know those funny people you sometimes see in the street? You know like those Oompa Loompa midgets in that Willy Wonka film. Well I think your baby might be one of those.’ The disgusted parents demanded to see the consultant straight away who quickly reassured them that the scan was in fact normal and also reassured them that the sonographer wouldn’t be doing any more baby scans!

Maggie III

Maggie phones me up quite often in the middle of the day when she finds herself alone and scared. I’m honoured that she confides in me, but I can’t deny that I find our conversations difficult. I can’t make everything fine with a prescription or a referral to a specialist. I spent so many years studying how to make people better that I still find it hard to accept that some patients are only going to get worse.

‘How are things?’

It always seems an awkward question to ask someone who is dying. It’s not like she’s going to say, ‘Brilliant thanks, Doc’, but I’m yet to find a more appropriate way of opening a conversation with her, so I stick with it.

‘Actually, Dr Daniels, I think I’ve found a bit of peace with it all. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not happy about dying from cancer. Far from it. If truth be told, I would love to have a few more years to wander about the place, but in the big scheme of things I can’t really complain about the life I’ve had. There have been ups and downs, but mostly ups, and I did always say that I never really planned to get old. In fact, I’d have made the most appalling cantankerous geriatric, so all in all it’s probably for the best that I won’t be around to see that through!’

‘Well, that’s one way to look at it.’

‘I’m worried about my husband Tony, though. He’s not really handling things very well. He just can’t really accept that I’m on my way out. He keeps looking up things on the internet trying to find miracle cures. Now believe me, I’d fucking love a miracle cure, but I’m no idiot. These quacks are just after our money and I know that my cancer can’t just vanish with a few vitamin pills and an Indian head massage. I just want to spend this last time I have with people I love around me. I don’t want to be chasing miracles that don’t exist.’

‘Have you told Tony how you feel?’

‘I can’t bear to crush his hope. He needs hope to deal with this. It is his focus and at the moment it’s the only thing driving him on. The latest one is this bloody ridiculous essential oils diet. I have to drink these oils he’s bought on the internet and then mix them with organic celery and carrot juice. It’s not exactly what I’d choose as my last supper, I can tell you. When he’s out I get my daughter to sneak me in some fried chicken and doughnuts!’

‘I think you need to tell Tony how you feel. You need to be really honest with him.’

‘My husband’s not one of those sorts of men, Dr Daniels. He doesn’t really like to talk about his feelings. I’m sure he’d just clam up.’

‘Funnily enough, my wife might say the same about me, Maggie, but here we are talking about some quite intimate, personal things. Sometimes you just have to try and see what happens.’