Felix The Railway Cat

But she wasn’t a tiny kitten now – and Felix’s claws were not forgiving once the whole adult weight of the cat was channelled through them. Despite Dale’s shock and involuntary wiggle, she valiantly climbed right the way up to his shoulder and even placed her paws upon his balding head. But it was all a bit wobbly and she didn’t stay up there very long before she executed a dramatic gymnastics-style dismount.

Another time she tried that trick, however, she found a much more willing accomplice. Adam Carter, a young blond man who worked in customer service, was doing a night shift one early morning in the winter of 2015 when it happened. He and Felix had just opened up the main doors so that customers could gain access for one of the night services. The Metro had already been delivered so Adam grabbed a copy and started reading it.

Felix clambered all over him while he did so. She sat on his shoulder for a while, sticking her nose into the news, as though she was a curious fellow commuter straining to see the article in his paper. Then she seemed to think, I wonder … Hesitantly, she made the final ascent onto Adam’s head. This time, she managed to get her balance just right and became terribly comfy up there, perched on Adam’s hair like a live version of a Russian shapka hat. She was too big to get her tail up there too, so this hung rather obviously all the way down the side of Adam’s face. It would occasionally tickle his nose as Felix wagged it in pleasure at having successfully returned to one of her all-time favourite perches. At four and a half years old, she was very heavy, but it was a pleasant weight and Adam didn’t mind it; he thought it was quite funny.

The cat and the customer-service assistant were discovered sitting like that in the ghost-town lobby when some customers came onto the concourse.

‘Morning!’ Adam said to them cheerily, speaking from a face full of cat tail.

The customers looked over at them. There was a bit of a pause, and then they seemed to think, Forget it … ‘Morning,’ they merely said gruffly in response. Another eight customers came through the gates, and not one of them blinked an eye.

After all, it was only the station cat – and everyone knew Huddersfield had one of those.

To Queen Felix’s dismay, though her fame had grown, people were perhaps becoming a little bit used to her. In December 2015, Felix was not the star of the TPE Christmas card from headquarters. They chose a child’s drawing instead; can you imagine?

Angie was spitting feathers, and if Felix had ever managed to catch any of those pesky pigeons she would have been too. When Angie opened the envelope that held the Christmas card and pulled it out, Felix was sitting alongside her at her desk. As they saw what was on it – and that it wasn’t Felix – the two girls looked at each other levelly in mutual disapprobation.

‘Yeah, I understand, Felix,’ Angie said in agreement, easily reading the disapproval in the cat’s haughty emerald eyes. ‘It should be you, Felix. Don’t worry – I’ll have words.’

Angie talked to everybody about the shocking fact that Felix wasn’t on the card – she even complained to one of the managers. ‘Where’s our Felix? We can’t have a Christmas card without our Felix!’ she cried passionately.

But, of course, nothing was done. The railway cat was old hat. Just as Billy had once warned Gareth, she’d been in the same job too long. ‘You’ve got to move on,’ Billy had told the young announcer in his gruff old voice. ‘If you don’t move every three or four years, people will think you’ve given up, and they’ll never think of offering you another job.’

The pest controller had been at Huddersfield for nearly five years now. Was it too late for Felix to land a promotion? Maybe the station cat wasn’t destined for greatness after all …

30. One Night in January

Andrew McClements tore at the Amazon packaging surrounding his parcel, and sniggered a little bit when he saw what was inside. But, when he heard the door open behind him, he quickly shoved the package into his desk drawer: nothing to see here.

It was one of the other team leaders, Geoff.

‘I’m heading off now,’ he said. ‘You’ll be all right?’

‘I’ll be fine,’ replied Andrew confidently. It was 29 January 2016 and by now he was an old hand at running the night shift on his own – if not quite an old-timer. ‘Have you seen Felix, by the way?’ he asked, keeping his voice light, as though he wasn’t all that interested.

‘Not since I sent her packing earlier,’ Geoff replied curtly. ‘But you know what that cat is like: she’ll be back.’ He looked rather gloomy at the idea. ‘Night, then.’

‘Night, Geoff.’

Andrew waited until he was gone, then checked on the package in his desk drawer once again. He couldn’t wait for this night shift to begin.