Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change

In 1993 I went to South Africa to report on its burgeoning art scene. Before my trip, I had arranged a rental car and bought a road atlas. My plane arrived late, and the airport was all but closed when we taxied to the gate. I was the only person from the flight hiring a car, and I reminded the sleepy man at the desk that I’d arranged ahead of time for one with an automatic transmission. I’m no good with a stick shift under the best of circumstances; South Africa has left-side driving, and I’m none too good at that, either. I was going to be thumbing through maps as I went, and it was an era of carjackings, when you had to be vigilant every time you stopped the car, ready to speed away through a red light in a threatening situation. The rental guy disappeared for twenty minutes, then came back and said, “Okay, boss, we have one automatic car.” I signed the paperwork and we stepped outside, where I beheld the largest white Mercedes I had ever laid eyes on. So much for fitting in.

It was still illegal for white people to enter the black townships, and when they did so nonetheless, they were usually accompanied by a black person who knew the way around, since there were no maps of these districts. One day I went to Soweto to interview a painter. He met me at the township entry and guided me to his studio; when we finished, he said that the way back out was so simple I could drive by myself. I headed off according to his directions and was getting along rather well until I heard a siren behind me and saw a policeman signaling me to pull over. He came up to my window and announced, “You were speeding.” I apologized and mentioned that I’d seen no posted speed limit. White South Africans had a reputation for being condescending to black policemen, but I was respectful and apologetic. The policeman said, “Wait here. I’m getting my supervisor.”

Ten minutes later, another police car pulled up and the supervisor got out and approached my window. “You were speeding,” he said. I apologized again. “You’re not from here, are you?” he said. “I’ll get my commander.”

After another ten minutes, a third police vehicle drove up. “You were speeding,” the commander said.

I apologized for the third time.

“Why were you speeding?”

“I didn’t know there was a speed limit; it doesn’t seem to be posted; and I am a white foreigner in a gigantic white Mercedes driving by myself in Soweto, which is inherently nerve-racking.”

At that, the commander burst out laughing. “Don’t worry about it, man. We’ll escort you out.”

I left in a motorcade, with two police cars in front of me and one behind.

Travel is an exercise partly in broadening yourself and partly in defining your own limits. Travel distills you to a decontextualized essence. You never see yourself more clearly than when immersed in an entirely foreign place. In part, that is because people make different assumptions about you: often, expectations relate to your nationality rather than to the nuances of your manner of speech, the cut of your clothing, or the indicators of your politics. Equally, travel disguises you; one can feel oddly camouflaged and anonymous wrapped in the sketchy preconceptions of others. I enjoy being lonely so long as I am lonely by choice; I can enjoy some place far away and difficult so long as I am missed back home. I dislike social constraints, and traveling has helped me to be free of them.

At the same time, as I learned in the Soviet Union, I was also intensely unsettled by such social anonymity. This anxiety reflects both the difficulty of reading people in other cultures and my illegibility to them. If I cannot figure them out, they probably can’t figure me out, either. When you must learn the unfamiliar rules of a new place, you become suddenly callow again. Travel makes you modest; what is prestigious at home can seem irrelevant or ludicrous abroad. You cannot rely on the veracity of your opinions in a country where standards are different. You often cannot understand why something is funny there; you sometimes cannot understand why something is somber. You question your own standards of humor, solemnity, even morality. Familiar landscapes cushion you from self-knowledge because the border between who you are and where you are is porous. But in a strange place, you become more fully evident: who you truly are is what persists at home and abroad.