Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

A glamorous goblin jazz singer croons on a stage full of goblin musicians, smoky images wafting from her wand to illustrate her lyrics. All is dingy and shabby, an atmosphere of menacing fun.

JAZZ SINGER

The phoenix cried fat tears of pearl
When the dragon snapped up his best girl,
And the Billywig forgot to twirl
When his sweetheart left him cold,
And the unicorn done lost his horn,
And the Hippogriff feels all forlorn,
’Cause their lady loves have upped and gawn,
Or that’s what I’ve been told—

Jacob stands at the seemingly unmanned bar, waiting to be served.

JACOB

How do I get a drink in this joint?

Out of nowhere, a thin bottle of brown liquid zooms toward him. He catches it, stunned.

The head of a house-elf peers up at him from behind the bar.

HOUSE-ELF

What? Ain’t you ever seen a house-elf before?

JACOB

Oh, no, yeah, no, yeah, of course I have . . . I love house-elves.

Jacob tries to act nonchalant—he removes the cork from the bottle.

JACOB

My uncle’s a house-elf.

The house-elf—not fooled—raises himself up, leaning on the bar to stare at Jacob.

Queenie approaches. She looks downcast as she orders:

QUEENIE

Six shots of gigglewater and a lobe blaster, please.

The house-elf reluctantly shuffles off to fulfill her request. Jacob and Queenie look at each other. Jacob reaches out and takes one of the gigglewater shots.

QUEENIE

Are all No-Majs like you?

JACOB

(trying to be serious, almost seductive)

No, I’m the only one like me.

Maintaining strong eye contact with Queenie, Jacob knocks back the shot. Suddenly he emits a raucous, high-pitched giggle. Queenie laughs sweetly at his look of surprise.

ANGLE ON A HOUSE-ELF serving a drink to a giant, whose hand dwarfs the mug he is handed.

ANGLE ON NEWT AND TINA sitting at a table alone. There’s an awkward silence. Newt studies the characters in the room: Hooded and heavily scarred witches and wizards gamble magical artifacts in a game with runic dice.

TINA

(looking around)

I’ve arrested half of the people in here.

NEWT

You can tell me to mind my own business . . . but I saw something in that death potion back there. I saw you—hugging—that Second Salem boy.

TINA

His name’s Credence. His mother beats him. She beats all those kids she adopted, but she seems to hate him the most.

NEWT

(realizing)

And she was the No-Maj you attacked?

TINA

That’s how I lost my job. I went for her in front of a meeting of her crazy followers—they all had to be Obliviated. It was a big scandal.

Queenie signals from across the room:

QUEENIE

(whispers)

It’s him.

Gnarlak has emerged from the depths of the speakeasy. Smoking a cigar and smartly dressed for a goblin, he has a sly, smooth demeanor like a Mafia boss. He eyes the newcomers as he walks.

JAZZ SINGER (O.S.)

Yes, love has set the beasts astir,
The dang’rous and the meek concur,
It’s ruffled feathers, fleece, and fur,
’Cause love drives all of us wild.