Every Last Drop

Jeo Pitt 4 - Every Last DropNo maybe about it, he's a fucking nutjob and a half.This place is nothing but a gravel yard.What am I thinking? What can that insane kid possibly know about the biggest secret the Coalition has? What could he possibly have seen and survived seeing?I think about his twisted mouth. His gasping breath as he tried to tell me. The way he swallowed his own bile at the thought of the place.Tears and blood on his cheek.OK, so maybe there's something here to see.I use the razor to cut a strip from the hem of my pants. I straighten the three broken fingers on my left hand, gritting my teeth, then I slip the brass knuckles over them, curl my fingers around the cold metal and use the scrap of dirty khaki cloth to tie my fingers into place. Then I roll around in the gravel and dust, coating my wet skin and pants, making myself muddy gray.And I crawl into the light, brass tied to one hand, cold, sharp steel held tight in the other, waiting with my face pressed in the dust at the side of the road that's been graded by the tonnage of trucks and crushed stone. Coming to my feet as one passes, snagging a dangling chain and pulling myself aboard, huddling atop one of the gas tanks as it wheels around the base of the conveyors, circles, and pulls into the notch that runs between them.Dust clogs my nose. I cant smell anything except diesel fumes and scorched rubber. The truck moves into the shadows beneath the conveyors. The tower of rust-streaked gray steel that the conveyors pour their gravel into shakes and shudders and sends thunder vibrating through the air. I'm deaf.The truck jerks, turns, angles toward a road that leads to the gate.Here under the towers, protected from the halogen day, the light is cast by yellow globes in wire cages. Someone coalesces out of the dust and sickly light. I jump from the truck, leading with brass, my broken fist sending a hotblast of pain down my arm as it hits the side of the man's face. I land on top of him, knocking his helmet and earphones off, smashing an elbow into his gut. No worry that his screams will be heard here.I drag him beneath one of the jittering scaffolds that hold the conveyors and put my face close to his and inhale.No Vyrus.I scream into his ear, and he coughs, spits up, shakes his head.I show him the razor, and he shakes his head again.I cut his left ear off and almost hear his scream.I yell into his remaining ear and he sobs and points at the steel tower.I cut his throat. I drink his blood. Dust is in the first mouthfuls. Muddy and viscous, I swallow hard to make it go down. After that, it goes easy.I don't linger to drink it all. It's not safe here for indulgence.I leave his body in the shadows, his dusty jacket on my torso, his goggles, earphones and helmet on my head. I hadn't planned to kill him, but it was the smart thing to do, taking his blood to make me strong for whatever may be inside.Things could get ugly in there.Its louder. The machinery directly overhead amplifying the racket of pulverizing rock, blasting it down to this small, empty chamber. In the middle of the floor a staircase spirals down an ancient shaft, screwing itself into a deep darkness punctuated by the occasional scarlet glow of a safety lamp.I start down.Twenty feet below, the noise starting to fade, I come to the first light, a bulb in a cage above an unmarked steel door. I try the handle, it doesn't move.I feel watched, look up, expecting to find the mouth of the shaft ringed by Coalition enforcers armed with machine guns, and find nothing.Down.Another light and another door. Locked.Down.The light just below me flashes twice, the door opens, pulled inward.I tuck my knuckled fist behind my back, collapse my razor and palm it, raise my chin to the goggled and earphoned man coming out the door and dropping something into his jacket pocket.He nods, waits, holding the door open.And I slip inside, patting his side in thanks, taking the weight of the doorfrom him, watching his back as he starts up the stairs, letting go of the door, then catching it before it latches.I look at the key in my hand, the key that dropped there when I sliced out the bottom of his pocket as we passed in the doorway. Broad and thick, notched along both edges, I slip it into the lock and check to be sure it will get me out. It turns the bolt.I close the door, steel and the sixty-odd feet of stone above finally giving relief from the noise, reducing it to an insistent grinding in the walls. Walls of moisture-seeping limestone, braced by rusting I-beams. Fluorescent corkscrews stick from old ceramic sockets mounted high.Doors.The first stands open on a room lined with cots. Floor covered in linoleum dimpled by nails driven through it and into the stone. Walls decorated by ragged pinups. A small fridge, a coffeemaker, microwave.I plug each nostril in turn and blow hard to dislodge the dust and grit. I inhale. Room smells of men living in close quarters. Smell like a barracks or firehouse.But there's more.Close my eyes, concentrate, I can smell Vyrus.And blood. Lots of blood.I open my eyes. Menace may be crazy, but something is here.I leave the room and start down the hall. Find a bathroom with showerheads sticking from the ceiling, a couple dirty urinals, empty stalls. It reminds me of the bathroom at the Whitehouse.At the end of the hallway, a storeroom, canned foods, cases of beer, economy-size cartons of snack cakes and candy bars, pallets of toilet paper.I leave the room, go back to the shaftway door.Down.Deeper.The key opens the next door. I go inside. A similar hallway. More doors.And more sounds. And smells.Vyrus here. Recently.First door. No dormitory this time. A single bed with a mattress. Blood on the mattress. Dried spots and streaks. I kneel. At the four corners of the steel bed-frame, manacles. My own blood beats hard in my temples, each pulse blurs my vision. I open my razor and cut my thumb deep and the pain sharpens me.Next room, the door is shut, my key opens it.Another bed.Manacles.The naked girl held to the bed by the manacles looks at me. She opens and closes her mouth, makes opening and closing gestures with her cuffed hands, spreads her legs. —Hey, man, this room is occupied.I turn and look at the man behind me, stripped to shorts and T-shirt and boots, gravel dust deep in the creases of his face and hands. I look at the clothes piled in the corner.He reaches out and pulls the earphones from my head.—You hear, man? I'm off shift, I had her brought up for me. Get one of your own.The girl flinches when the mans blood sprays her.I find a key on a hook on the wall and unlock the manacles. She lies there, pointing at her mouth, opening and closing it, spreading her legs wider. I sit her up and she tries to grind against me. I pull the man's work jacket from the floor and a plastic-wrapped snack cake drops from a pocket. The girl looks at it and whines. I hand it to her and she unwraps it and stuffs it in her mouth. There aremore in the jacket. I give them to her, covering her with the jacket as she eats, feeling the jutting bones that poke from her skin.Trying to slip her arm into one of the sleeves, I touch something hard, find a plastic IV catheter attached to her forearm, hoops of surgical steel, body-piercing rings, riveting it in place.I look at the floor, the dying man has dragged himself into the hall, the blood pouring from his open stomach smeared in a single broad swipe like a giants brushstroke.He's lucky, dies before I can cross to him and make him hurt.The girl eats her cakes, a pleased hum coming from deep in her throat. A sound comes from my own throat. I choke it. The room blurs, shivers, I can't catch my breath.I cut myself again.Again.Again.Vision clears./ had her brought up for me.I leave the girl, go back to the stairwell.Down.There's a guard when I open the next door under a red light. He turns to look at me, sees my face, freezes, his mouth slightly open under his thin moustache.Then he's dead.Low.If the kid had never seen me before, he might not have been so surprised, he might have been able to do something to stop me from punching him in the temple five times, shattering his skull and crushing his brain. Instead he sits dead on the floor.The brass knuckles came dislodged with the fourth blow. The bones in my fingers, that had started to reknit when I drank the mans blood on the surface, are broken again. I tie them back into place.Low has a ring of keys and a truncheon.I take the keys.The noise from above is all but mute here, just a dull thud in the stone. But there are other sounds. Rustling, grunts, coughing, the occasional angry shriek.First door opens on a white-painted room. Layers of paint, thick on thestone, the floor marked by boot scuffs, dry maroon stains. Steel tables with blood gutters down their sides, running to drains at their feet. Steel trays filled with used needles, some bent, some broken. Meters of looped plastic hose.Down the hall.Another storeroom.Cardboard boxes filled with empty, paper-wrapped blood bags. Unused needles. Clean tubing. Gallons of bleach. Buckets of white paint. A dusty and broken autoclave, decades out of date.An incubator.The noise starts in my throat again. It's harder to stop this time.The last door. Sounds are louder. Smells of feces and disinfectant and decay.My key doesn't fit the lock. As I'm trying the keys from Lows ring, the door is opened from within. —What the fuck, Low, it's the key with the piece of tape on it.A scrappy kid with a Bronx accent.He looks at my jacket and helmet and the earphones and goggles now hanging from my neck.—What the fuck. You know your ass ain't allowed down here. You want a piece, call down and we'll send something up.I don't see him anymore. I see the room behind him. I see the ranks of bunk beds. I see the skinny bodies filling the beds. I see skin waxed to albino paleness. I see a chemical pit at the back of the room that they squat over. I see bedsores and muscle atrophy. I hear their hisses and grunts and caws, their imitations of speech.The Bronx kid pokes me with his truncheon.—Motherfucker, time to go. You don't get to window-shop, asshole. You fuck what we send up.I look at him.Something crosses his eyes. He looks down. Sees my bare feet.My hands are on the back of his head and my knee is pushing the bones of his nose back through his brain and I twist his neck and it breaks and I think I start crying.But it's not why you think.It's not why you think.It's not why you think.I'm simply angry at myself for killing him so fast, so easy. I'd have liked to take my time.But in the whole universe there is not enough time. There are not enough minutes and seconds for what I'd like to do. For the things I could dream up if I had more time.The things I could do to this world to make it pay for being the way it is.I stare at the things that might have been people had they not been raised to slaughter. I look at the dead body I'm still holding. I drop it. There's a sound when I drop it, metal on stone. I kneel and find the gun under the kid's arm. I take it.This gun. I love this gun. There are so many wonderful things I can do with this gun. So many people I can kill.I turn and leave, eager to begin.I kill two more workers on the stairs, at a total cost of two bullets. Two bullets for two human lives. I laugh to think that something as tawdry as a human life should come at the cost of something so precious as a bullet.Climbing, I come to the second door I passed on my way down.I don't need to go inside and look. I know what III find.A key lets me in.And I find it.Another of Laments creations is guarding this room. She's whippet fast and far more alert than the two I've already killed. Maybe its what she's been charged to watch that makes her so present.I don't care.She takes three of my bullets. And snaps off the long scalpel blade she sticks in my right armpit before she dies. If I were left-handed, the blade would be in my heart.Standing at the door of the room she guarded, I ask myself if I've seen enough.Tiny things.In my life I never think about them. Helpless, squirming, bundles of nothing but pure need. They have no place in my world.Why are they suddenly here?I turn as the steel door at the end of the hall opens, and I walk toward it, shooting, using the last of my bullets to kill the man in the black suit who is coming through the door.I have to finish him with the razor, the body armor beneath his jacket having stopped the first two bullets I hit him with.Groomed, manicured, fit.Enforcer.His gun is better than the one I took from the kid. I take it. I take the extra clips in the nylon pouches snapped to the back of his belt.A fold of papers sticks from his inner breast pocket. I look at them.Vouchers. Signed.Nearby, a cooler rests on the floor, waiting, a number written on its top in black Sharpie matches a number on a voucher. I open the cooler.Purple coils, thumb-thick, nestled in ice packs.I go up the stairs with my new favorite gun. Ignoring the last door, the one closest to the surface, having no need to see the commercial refrigerators I know are behind it, or what is inside them.Having no desire to be tempted.There's a car outside the surface door, a low, black SUV. I open the passenger door and shoot the black-suited man behind the wheel. I take his gun, twin to the one I already have.On my way across the yard, my feet cut again and again by the sharp rocks under them, I shoot the drivers of three trucks. I shoot the men in the shed.I stand in the light and shoot the sky and the earth.Then I run, I tear myself going over the wall and the wire, and I fall into the water and I let myself sink to the bottom, bullets thrumming around me, leaving white trails of bubbles.On the bottom, clinging to the rusted-out shell of an oil drum, I open my mouth and let it fill and let the water run down my throat.Only when it hits my lungs and I start to choke and my hands let go of the drum and I thrash toward the surface do I know.Its not time yet.Someone s still waiting for me.—It is what he made us for.Menace drops a dusty packing blanket over my shoulders. —The final lie of Lament.He pokes the coals with his machete and drops another dry, broken plank from an abandoned pallet onto the fire.—We were baited with the promise of being a part of a crew.The plank catches fire and crackles and spits sparks and Menace shoves it deeper into the blaze.—Then, when he had prepared us, the secret was revealed. We were infected. Told we would be more than simple gangsters. We would be soldiers in a cause. Enforcers. Specially recruited and trained. Better than the others. Special. If we were worthy.He thrusts the blade through the handle of an old enameled coffeepot and lifts it from the fire. —And, of course, none of us was worthy.One of his boys hands him a chipped mug with World's Greatest Dad painted on the side, framed by the stenciled outline of a football. —And one by one we were all sent away.He fills the cup and passes it to me.—So when I found myself, and escaped Lament, I followed a trail. Rumors and scents. And it led here.He puts the pot back in the fire and squats next to me. —Getting in was not difficult. I was, after all, exactly what they were expecting.Another of Laments products. A street child, strong and vicious. And with a regard for himself so low that he could never be expected to have regard for anyone else.The firelight reflects off his claws, burnishing them red and orange. —Once inside, I saw.He looks into the fire.—Laments creatures, we are meant as herdsmen. To fodder and tend the beasts. Milk them. See that they are bred outside the herd. To keep the line hearty. See the whelps nursed. In exchange, feed at our will.He closes his eyes. —Though I saw signs that even our appetite can be fed to surfeit.The fire has yet to warm me, the cold creek water deep in my bones. I drink some of the coffee and it scalds my throat. —Where?Menace opens his eyes. —You know where, Joe Pitt. You know where they come from.He points at my eye. —You saw.He opens his hand. —And now.He rises. —Will you join us?His boys come closer, into the firelight, ringing him.—Will you stay with us, Joe Pitt? Will you file your teeth to bite out the throat of the world? Will you have claws to rake its hide?I set the cup next to the fire and shrug the blanket from my shoulders. —Where are my things?Menace comes close.—You are not the same. You cannot go back now. —Are you planning to keep me here?He shakes his head. —No. —Then where are my things?He looks to one of the boys, and my jacket and shirt and boots are dropped at my feet.Menace watches as I dress. —Wear the same clothes, they will not hide your new skin.I lace the boots. —There's nothing new about me, kid. Nothing under the sun.One of the boys dumps a bucket of water over the fire and it hisses out.Menace stands in the rising steam and smoke. —You cannot go back.I pull on my jacket.—Yeah, you keep saying that, and watch me walk out of here, back to where I came from.He raises a hand, claws against the night.—You died in there, Joe Pitt. We all die in there. Go where you came from, go to your friends, but it will not be the man who left that they see. It will not be a man at all.I pull a smoke from my pocket. —Who ever said I got friends to know whether it's me or not?I start across the glass-covered concrete plain where the Mungiki haunt, smoke trailing from my mouth.And its me who goes west. I am not changed. I am not.I have Predo's money in my jacket. I use it when I get to Vernon, waving down a cab that cuts past the parking lot above the mouth of the Midtown Tunnel. The hack boxes the compass from Vernon to Jackson to Fiftieth to Eleventh, and were lined up, paying the toll, and underwater, traveling the exhaust-filled hole that will take me back.I lost one of the enforcers' guns in English Kill, but the other rests in my pocket. I touch it.Its good to have a gun again.—What the hell are you thinking?I make for the bar. —I'm thinking I need a drink.Sela follows me.—We go to all that trouble to get you out with no one seeing you, and you just come to the goddamn front door and start banging on it? You think Predosuddenly got tired of keeping an eye on us over the last few hours? You think he wont want to know how you got out and where you went?I pour a drink in a glass then pour it down my throat. —It doesn't matter.Amanda is still behind her desk, still holding the sheets of paper that were in her hand when I came through the door. —You haven't been gone very long, Joe.I pick up the bottle again, start to pour it in the glass, realize what a waste of time that is, and pour it in me instead. —Thought you'd be happy. Thought you said there was a big hurry.She sets the paper down. —Well yeah, we're in a hurry. But I mean.She gives a big shrug. —That was really fast.I look at the bourbon still in the bottle. Even if I drink it all at once, it's not enough to get me drunk, not with the Vyrus cleaning my blood. —Fuck. —Something the matter?I take a drink. —More than the usual? Not that I know of.She flicks the edge of a paper.—I don't want to rush you or anything, Joe, but I am kind of totally busy. I mean, if you have anything?I look at the rug. Swirling mandalas. Rust background. Gold and white. Curls of thumb-thick purple.I take another drink. —You're right, Sela.She clears her throat. —Excuse me?I wave the bottle. —I fucked up coming in the front way. But.I take another drink.—Maybe Predo did pull off. That's what I was thinking. Maybe he wants to give me room in here. He told me he would. —And?—Be good to know for sure if I'm wrong about that. Someone should take a look. See if his peepers are out there. Not seeing them wont prove anything, but if they're visible, be good to know for certain that they spotted me coming in.She doesn't move. —What are you playing? —Go take a look, Sela.Sela looks at Amanda. —What?Amanda stands.—Joes right, go take a look, see whatever. —Bullshit —Sela. —This is bullshit. What the hell are you playing at?Amanda comes around the desk and crosses to her lover. —Baby, I'm not playing at all.She points at the door.—I'm saying go downstairs and take a look outside.Sela's mouth tightens.—Little girl, if you want to be finished with me, this is the fast track to getting there.Amanda raises herself on her toes and kisses Sela's lower lip. —Big girl, I'm never gonna be finished with you.She lowers herself. —I just think you should go take a look.Sela looks at me, looks daggers. Looks sabers and spears. —She trusts you, Pitt. I know better.I wave the bottle. —So you re a well-educated lady, go take a look like you re told.She makes for me.Amanda gets in her way. —Baby, he's working your nerves. He's totally trying to get under your skin.Sela grits her teeth. —I know. He's doing a good job of it.Amanda's fingers tangle with Sela's. —Except you're way better than that.Sela pulls her fingers free. —No. No, I'm not.She goes to the door.I raise the bottle. —Sela.She doesn't stop. —What? —Make it a long look around.She doesn't bother to reply. She also doesn't bother to come back across the room and kill me. Watching her slam out the door, I can't help but think I got off easy on that one.I lift the bottle high, empty it in my mouth, and steel scrapes a nerve under my arm and I drop it, spilling the last of the bourbon.Amanda comes over and picks up the bottle. —Something bothering you, Joe?I stick my left hand inside my jacket and poke around in my right armpit. —I got a scalpel blade stuck in here that needs digging out.Amanda nods, goes through a door on the other side of the bar, snagging a bottle of scotch as she goes.—Come on then. I know this isn't your usual flavor, but it should get you through, toughguy.She pushes the door open on a bathroom.—And while I'm cutting, you can tell me what you saw that you don't think Sela can handle.Sitting on the edge of the tub in the bathroom behind the bar, my hand held behind my head so the girl can dig into my armpit with a long pair of tweezers, after cutting the wound back open with my straight razor, I take slugs from the bottle of scotch. Not that it does anything for the pain, but it helps to wash out the taste of creek water still in my mouth. —OK, OK, don't move.I grit my teeth. —I'm not moving. —So don't breathe, OK? I cant get a grip on it cause it's slippery as hell.I stop breathing.She bites the tip of her tongue and yanks and pulls the scalpel blade free, along with a nice bit of my flesh. —Wow. That is nasty, Joe.I crane my neck to get a look under my arm. —Could have cut a little cleaner.She drops the blade and the tweezers in the sink, passes me a washcloth. —Put that under your arm.I put it under my arm, take another drink.Amanda stands at the basin, looking at the blood on the thin rubber gloves she took from a first-aid kit and rolled onto her hands before slicing me open. —Cord blood.I drink some more.She peels the gloves off.I point at her bare hands. —Be careful.She frowns.—It's dead, Joe. I mean, how many times do you have to be told? The Vyrus dies outside its host. It's a pussy bug.She runs water over the bloody steel in the sink.—The umbilicals you saw in that cooler. The Coalition must want the cord blood.I watch the blood swirl, turn pink in the water, and run down the drain.She stares at her reflection in the mirror over the sink.—Amazing stuff, cord blood. Very rich in stem cells. Not like bone marrow rich, but really useful stuff. I mean, as soon as you start thinking about the Vyrus, really thinking about it and what it does, right away you have to start thinking about white blood cells. I mean, blood cells in general, because you know it cant have too much to do with plasma. And you don't think too much about platelets, either. I mean, sure, you can get caught up in them if you want to study clotting factors and stuff.She turns and takes the cloth from under my arm.The bleeding has stopped, the wound sealed. —But that's not the essence of the Vyrus.She squeezes the cloth, and my blood drips into the sink.—The essence is that it consumes. It attacks. So it makes sense, I mean, this is so obvious, but it makes sense that it goes after white blood cells. Not just to attack them before they attack it, but to invade them. Make them do what it wants them to do. I mean, the T cell counts in infected blood is off the chart, especially cytotoxic Ts. Memory T cells, also out of whack. But suppressor Ts, like, barely there. Which means the cytotoxic Ts, the ones that fight invaders, should be going berserk and fighting the whole body. Killing everything. But they don't.She drops the towel.— Cause the memory T count is so high. They keep the cytotoxics from getting out of hand. They, right, they remind them what to attack and what not to attack.She looks at me in the mirror.—Until you haven't fed. Then the memory Ts start to die. Poor little cytotoxic Ts don't know what to do. They go totally crazy.She runs water over her hands, washing away the blood from the towel. —But they all start as little baby stem cells. They all start the same. Nothing but potential.She turns off the water.—Like the babies you saw in that nursery.She blinks.—I'm not saying they know what they're doing. But if the guys at the top are saving cord blood for themselves to feed on, it's probably really, really good. I mean.She licks her lips, frowns. —The rich have a habit of saving the best for themselves. / ought to know.She swallows.—So if they like it so much, if it makes them feel so good, I mean, maybe it s the stem cells. All those.She tries to smile, falls far short. —All those babies.She holds up a hand. —Excuse me.She throws up in the sink.I watch as she rinses her mouth and spits it out. —Sorry. Grass. I guess.She splashes water in her face, blots with the bottom of her shirt. —I guess.She keeps her face covered. —I guess.She pulls her face out, smiling sick as she cries. —I guess I'm not as tough as I think I am.I take a drink. —Here.I offer her the bottle. —Get tougher.I stand behind her, looking at one of her monitors.She taps on her keyboard, tears dried. —This fair?I shrug. —There's no such thing as fair. But its enough.She hits Enter.—Need me to write it down? —III remember.She looks up at me. —I mean, how could you forget? —Yeah. How could I forget.She looks at her desk, moves a few papers. —Fuck.I look at a clock. —Yeah, fuck.I go to the chair and pick up my jacket. —Guess you got some work to do.She picks up several of the papers, shuffles them, drops them in a shredder, listens to it whine. —Yeah. I mean, new priorities. I mean, Cure is still about a cure, but.She looks at the floor, at the people on the floors below it. —We'll need to start being a whole lot more selective.I put on my jacket.—And you'll need to buy guns.She looks at me. —Yeah. I mean, so many guns.She comes around the desk and walks with me to the door. —Thanks for, like, getting Sela out of here before you said anything. You were right about that. She would have freaked out. Sela, she's, I mean, so moral. Something like this, coming from you, she would have, I mean, she would have needed to blame someone. So. I mean, she totally would have killed you for not trying to save them. Or something. And that would have sucked.I open the door and go out.She grabs the tail of my jacket. —It's not your fault, Joe. You couldn't save them by yourself.I pull loose. —Never crossed my mind to try.Figure.Figure it how you want. Figure it goes back. Way back. Don't lie to yourself about it. When Menace says, You know where they come from, he's right. Iknow where they come from. They come from that hole in the ground. Figure no one needs to stick a needle in their brain to make them dumb and docile. Figure they've been bred that way. Born in a hole, live in a hole, bleed in a hole, die in a hole. And when they're dead, figure their bones ground up with the gravel and mixed into cement.Look at this city. Look at your city. Look at the sidewalk under your feet. Look at the foundations under the buildings.You're walking on their bones. You're living in their skeletons.Figure that's the story.Figure that's the whole story and there's no changing it.Figure life goes on and doesn't care.That's how I figure it. Out the front door of the Cure house, down the steps and into the car Amanda called and has waiting for me. Staring out the window, not bothering to look for the tail I know is behind me. Looking at the streets where I live. Or do my little imitation of life. I figure it all the way down.The advantage of one eye?Brothers and sisters, you just fucking see less of what's going on.Enough of a blessing to make a man think about putting out the other one.I have a phone number.It belongs to someone whose life I saved once. That might count for something, if she hadn't saved mine twice.Borrowing the driver's cell, I call it. Not sure if I want it to still work. Not sure if I want anything but to be hung up on when my voice is recognized.It still works.And I'm not hung up on.So in the spirit of poking out my remaining eye, I tell a story.A story told, you cant untell it. It has to run its course to the end. The story I tell, it ends bloody. Or it will, anyhow.Like I know any other kind of story.Car lets me off well below Fourteenth.Deep in Society turf. Far from the border. Far as possible from the blade that's coming for my head and all the things it now knows.Moves to make.People to see.Stories to tell.—'Lo, Joe. Long time no see.I come up the tenement steps. —Just saw you earlier tonight, Hurl.He pushes up the brim of his hat. —Sure, an1 so it was. Still an all, seems some time ago. Funny dat, ain't it?I put my hands in my pockets.—Well, put it that way, does seem a long time. But I don't see anything funny in it.He hooks a thumb in a suspender. —Well, humor is a funny ting. Ta each his own.I point at the door behind him. —Terry in? —Sure he is. —Can I see him?—Sure ya can, Joe. Nobody Terry d like ta see more den yerself. C'mon in and be at home.He raps hard on the door and It's pulled open.Just inside are three skinny guys in faded fatigue jackets, light bouncing off their shaved heads and the barrels of their shotguns.I look at Hurley. —Not the kind of we're all one greeting I'm used to getting at a Society house.He nods. —Well, since dat last time.He rubs his belly where the machine gun nearly cut him in two that last time. —Since dat last time, Terry gave me charge of security.I scratch my cheek. —Gone back to the old-school ways, have you?He shakes his head.—It's a complicated world, Joe. I spend more of my life confused den clear. But some tings don't seem ta me ta need changin . An bein smart bout who ya let in yer house is one a dem.I check out the three partisans and their guns. —They itchy types?He frowns.—I'm a professional, Joe. Dese are my boys. Dey know how ta hold dere water and do as dere told.I hold up a hand. —Didn't mean to imply anything different.He smiles.— Course ya didn't. Ya have some manners. Weren't born inna barn, was ya? Not dat dered be anyting wrong if ya had been.He gives me a shot with his elbow, almost breaking a rib. —Seein' as I was. Born inna barn. See.He guffaws.I rub my ribs. —Sure, I see, Hurl. Real rib tickler.He points at me and roars.—Rib tickler! I get it, Joe! I get it! You go on in now. Hell be eager ta see ya, Terry will. Go on in.I go in, leaving him to chuckle over the comic implications of our witty little exchange.Hurley. Just when you start thinking he's maybe not as dumb as mud, hetrips you up and sucks your shoe off and leaves you stuck in it.The partisans eyeball me.I flick a finger at the door at the end of the hall. —Shall we?One of them backs off and lifts his gun and points it at my face. —Pat-down.I raise my hands. —Sure thing.I turn to face the wall.—Best make sure I don't got any nails on me. I go in there with a couple of those, and your boss is gonna be pissed as hell.—I tell you, Joe, I didn't expect to see you so, I don't know, promptly.I pick at some dry creek-scum on my pants.—Everyone's so surprised with me being on time tonight. My reputation must be worse than I thought.He fiddles his glasses. —I just thought it might take you a little longer to work something out. Sure, thegirl is fond of you and all, but I just thought you d have to do something more nuanced than to walk in to her and ask for a bunch of money. Relationships, I've mostly found, are, I don't know, bruised by money talk. It's a shame really, that something as disconnected from real life as money, something that's just purely this monolithically theoretical concept that we've plastered onto life, that something fictional should be able to harsh our personal relationships the way it does.He lifts his hands in surrender to market forces.—But there it is. The stuff is everywhere. And people, they've, for better or worse, they've agreed we need it to get by.I look at a poster on the wall. The Concert for Bangladesh. —If it makes you feel any better, I had to use some nuance. Had to finesse it some, working the whole thing out.He raises his eyebrows.—I like that idea, I like the idea of you using some finesse. A quality like that, it could make all the difference for a person like you, Joe.He lowers his eyebrows.—A shame it, lets just say it, a shame it's too late for that kind of thing to change how we interact. Some of our conversations over the years, theywould have benefited from a little finesse. —So you say.He takes off his glasses, folds and opens the arms a couple times. —Yeah.He puts them back on. —So I say. For what its worth, and all.I point at the glasses. —Something I wanted to ask. —Yeah? —Why do you wear those things?He purses his lips. —Urn.I nod.—Yeah, um. Me, I never wore the things, but still I notice the Vyrus sharpened my eyes. Strange it didn't fix whatevers wrong with yours.He takes them off again, looks at them. —Yeah, well, yeah, sure. Honestly. These are just, you know, glass. Just. WellI'm not the only one with this, you know.He puts them on.—This affectation. I wore them before I was infected. Always felt weird without them. Even though they don't make me see any,  I don't know, any more clearly. —Hnuh.He sits there, looking out from behind his play glasses. I look at the room some more. His little office. A bedroom squirreled away at the back of a tenement. Typical Society digs. Street-salvage furniture, rock and protest posters, books by Noam Chomsky.Terry pushes a button on the oscillating fan that's moving the dead air around and it kicks up a gear.—I try not to use it. The things burden the grid almost as much as an air conditioner. That's as much for our finances at this point as it is for the environment. So.He watches me.I let him.He shakes his head. —So, money. Joe.—Not much finesse in that transition, Terry.He leans forward, elbows on knees. —Money. Joe.I point at a coffee cup filled with pens that sits atop his press-wood desk. —It's an account. You'll want to write down the number and password.He picks up a pen and a piece of notepaper with a little circle of green arrows on it to let you know that no new trees were killed to make it. —Shoot.My hand twitches. But the partisans took my gun.So instead of putting a bullet in him, I give him the numbers. I tell him how much Amanda put in the account.He looks at the numbers on the sheet of paper.—She must really care about you. No joking around, Joe. I may not like the idea of money as an expression of affection, and she may, I don't know, have it to spare, but this seems like someone trying to make a point about how much they value you. Not that I'm advocating using dollars to put a value on human or any other kind of life.I wave a hand.—Like I said, I used some nuance.He looks at me over the lenses of those glasses that don't let him see any better.—Tell you, man, I'd sure like to know what that was like. —Well, Terry, seeing as this money is supposed to put me back on the map down here. Get me a place out of the way, some kind of privileges if I want to move around a little.He nods. —Sure, man, that was the deal.I stand.—Well seeing as that's the deal, and seeing as were maybe on the way back to being on something like friendly terms, why don't I tell you what it was like.He sets the paper and pen aside. —Something on your mind, Joe?I shake my head.—Just like I said, just want to explain what it was like. Working some nuance for the girl.I look at the floor between my feet, a long gash  in the wood wheresomething heavy was once dragged over it.—What it was like was, it was like going down a hole and finding dozens of stupid, mute, starving kids with hoses stuck in their arms to make it easy to get their blood out. It was like going down that hole, and looking down it, and seeing a string of red lights, going deep, lights letting you know that there were hundreds more of them down there. And I'm wondering.I look at him.—That sound like something you might have seen at one time or another, Terry?He takes off the glasses, looks at them, puts them aside. —Yes.He rubs his eyes. —Yes it does.I nod. —Man. Were you smart.He looks at me. —How's that? —Having your boys take my gun before I came in here. That just saved yourlife.—Its interesting. In a way. Being able to talk about it. The terrible thing about a secret, its that, I don't know, that pressure it creates. Right? That internal variance. Like with laws of diffusion, how a liquid or a gas is always seeking to spread itself evenly through a medium, yeah? So you exhale smoke, which I still wish you wouldn't do in here by the way, but you exhale, and rather than it doing what I wish it would do and just kind of cling to you, it gradually spreads, diffuses into the air. And like, I've thought this before, how a secret is kind of the same. It wants to, this is pretty spacey, one of my spacey ideas, but how it wants to spread itself. Like smoke. Diffuse into the atmosphere until its evenly distributed. Yeah? And that, if the secret is bottled up in you, that creates pressure. Man, secrets, they just want out. Want to get everywhere. Especially, and this isn't always the case, but especially if the secret is the truth. Get me? Cause the truth wants to get out there, get into all the nooks and crannies, get into everyone's heads. The truth doesn't want to be bottled up, it wants to be free. And I'm down with that. You know I'm down with that. That's what the Society is about, getting the truth out.He keeps rubbing his forehead, pressing his fingertips deep into his temples, eyes closed. —But not all at once. Not like, you know, like when something is under extremepressure and you release it, it just, man, it explodes out. Yeah? People get hurt. And, our life here, our life with the Vyrus, that's not like can-of-soda pressure. You release this truth you don't get some mess sprayed on the wall. The Vyrus, that's bomb pressure. That's, and I don't think this is hyperbole, but that's nuclear-device pressure. That's an explosion that rocks the world to its foundation. And.He stops rubbing, rests his head in his hand, eyes still closed. —And this, this secret were talking about. That, that instillation in Queens, that's pressure on a whole different order. That's like, like, if the Vyrus is a nuke, that place is like a doomsday device.He opens his eyes. —That place, Joe.He lifts his head, looks at me. —That place is like a bomb that kills us all.He points east, without looking there.—People know about that, and there is nothing, nothing short of, man, nothing short of Jesus-Mohammed-Buddha-Gaia-Jehovah itself that saves us.He wipes his mouth. —So, to talk about it, man, something that exerts that kind of pressure, to talkabout it for the first time in decades, that's just blowing my mind here. That's, the whole thing, its like a mirror being held up, when you take something like that out of the box and look at it after so long. Its a, man, its trip and a half.He stares at his trembling hand. —A trip and a half.He moves his hand, reaches for his prop glasses, slips them on. —But a thing like that, it belongs in its box.I study that gash in the floor a little more.—Well, I know you re no fool, Terry. Me the jury's still out on. Even so, I think I read this one pretty clear.I lean down, pluck a stray splinter from the edge of the gash. —This thing, it doesn't even need to get out in the real world for it to raise hell. This thing, it spreads in our community, our people will go berserk.I roll the splinter between my fingers.—Dog with a parasite, chewing at its own insides. Ugly. Ugly things will happen. Hard to keep a wrap on the whole deal once they start happening.I look at the ceiling. —Something like this gets out, like you say, people gonna start looking atthemselves in the mirror.I shrug.—Lots of them, they're gonna figure, in for a penny, may as well go for the whole pound. Been living off blood already, so why start worrying now about where some of it comes from. Some others.I shake my head.—This would be the line. Down here especially. Types get drawn to your turf, they hear about this, they wont want to go on staying undercover. Not if it means that pit in Queens stays full of bleeding kids.I poke the tip of my index finger with the splinter.—So yeah, I get it. Something like this, it needs to stay a secret. I know the score. I've kept your secrets before. Your backdoor deals with the Coalition. That thing with the shamblers a couple years back. All those bodies I've put in the river. I can keep a secret. And I sure as shit know one that needs to be kept when I stumble into it.I draw blood from myself. —Something funny about it. Know what I mean?He shakes his head. —No, man, I don't know anything funny about it.I lick the bead of blood from my fingertip. My own personal Vyrus. —Funny thing is, for a while now, I've had it sussed that you're not just looking to find some kind of accord with the Coalition. Not just looking to get on an even footing so you could pressure them into going public alongside the Society. Use all those connections they have to smooth the way. Some time now, I've had it figured how you were never too happy about having to leave them in the first place. All your history with Predo, I've had it figured how maybe he leapfrogged you into running the enforcers and all that. How that was a bitter pill for you. How you went off and started your revolution. A revolution, you always call it. Not like you were looking to do your own thing and let bygones be bygones, but like you were looking to overthrow something. And it stands to figure, once something gets overthrown, someone's gonna have to step in and take control. Me, I've been figuring for a while now that that's what you're about, Terry. All that building a better world for everybody bullshit. I've had you figured for some time as Predo s flip side. Just looking to run the fucking show. Settle some scores. Like everyone else.I point the sliver at him.—But looking at the way you're trying to keep that hand from shaking, I'm figuring a little different now.I lean toward him.—You've been thinking about knocking off the Coalition alright. You've been thinking about sitting in Predo's chair. And not just bis chair, but one of those chairs on the higher floors, where the show gets run. Not so you can teach Predo who's top man, and not so you can even past scores.I lean back, pick something from between my teeth with the splinter. —You, Terry Bird, you've been thinking about that hole in the ground. You've been thinking about what's in it. And you've been thinking about filling it in, stopping it up, and getting it out of the world. You've been thinking about being a savior.I spit. —And that only works if it stays a secret till you're in charge.He presses the bridge of his glasses tight to his face. —Only you, Joe, only you.He shakes his head.—Only you could describe a, you know, describe a man striving to do the right thing, and make it sound like he was, I don't know, like he was running the gas chambers at Auschwitz. Only you.I flick the splinter away.—Whatever.I stand.—Anyway, I get it. You need this thing to stay secret. The world Isn't ready. Infecteds aren't ready. No one is ready. When they're ready, you'll tell them they're ready. And you'll march in and make everything OK. I get it. I get it. I know this is how it has to be. I get it. Motherfucker. I get it.He studies me.—I know you get it, Joe. When it all shakes out, you're pretty dependable in one way.He slips the hand he's been trying to keep still from between his legs. —You're no boat rocker. Truth is, and I don't want to say you don't get the job done in your own way, but the truth is, you're no revolutionary. If you d been around in the early days, at the barricades, I have a feeling you'd have been on the other side, man. Your own back is all you've ever really been out there looking to take care of, and the best way to keep, I don't know, to keep safe, is to keep things the way they are. Just maintain that old status quo.He holds up his hand, looks at its new steadiness.—Just the old tried and true for you, man. Steady as she goes. Never any question that you can be trusted to keep a secret when the alternative wouldbe, you know, bringing the whole world down around your head and changing everything.I get a cigarette from my pocket. —Yeah, keeping earth-shattering secrets, its my specialty.I put it in my mouth.—Give me time to think about my own self-interest and I can be counted on to jump to that side of the room every time.I light it. —Too bad there was no one to spell it out for me this time around.He stops looking at his hand.I suck on my cigarette. —I told the Horde girl, Ter.His mouth hangs open in a way I've never seen before. —What the hell, Joe?—It's how I got your money. Its what she wanted. To know where all the blood comes from. So I found out. And I told her. And you got paid. Nice when everyone gets what they want. —Oh. Jesus. Did you, Jesus, Joe, did you tell Sela?—No.—Thank Christ for that.—But the girl will have told her by now.He sits there, staring at me.I blow smoke.—Not that big a deal. Get your buddy Predo on the phone. You guys move fast, you can contain it. Cure has no contacts in the life. Horde cant spread the word. You can cap that one.His eyes are scanning side to side, reading the immediate future. —We'll need to. Yes. OK. I. OK. You should stay close, Joe. I may need you for something. And it goes without saying, you know, that this changes things, you stick here where you belong and well find a place for you again. A real place, not some corner to hide in. It'll take a few days to, you know, to contain this, but once that's done, once you've helped out with that effort, well have a spot for you down here.I watch the smoke from my cigarette drift.—Sure thing. Only you might want to wait on that until you talk it over with Lydia.His eyes stop moving, draw a bead on my face.I diffuse some smoke to his side of the room.—I called her on my way over. Told her about the hole. Told her what I saw down there.He doesn't move.I shake my head. —She didn't really believe me.He licks his lips.I nod. —Yeah, funny, right?I take a drag.—But she started believing me more when I told her I found out while doing some special reconnaissance for you. Told her she was supposed to meet you over here. Told her how messed up you were when I told you. How you started immediately drafting a statement and an action plan. How you asked me to tell her to get together her bulls and come here so you can fill her in on the plans for dealing with this monstrosity.I blow a smoke ring.—Should be here soon. Her and her bulls. Fury and that bunch. Ready to hear how the Society is going to start changing the status quo. Today.I flick some ash on the floor.—No. No status quo this time around for any of us. The Horde girl, she was already talking about investing in some guns. Bright kid, that girl. She sees the writing on the wall. Everyone's gonna have to pick a side. Especially seeing all the bodies I left lying around Queens. Not that I was trying to make a point or sign my work or anything, but Predos gonna know I was there. Figure he's already got his people arming up and closing the gates.I wave some smoke from between us.—No filling that hole in, Terry. No sealing it up like it was never there. Its there. And whether I walk out of here or not, too many people know now. I got no idea if the truth wants to be free, but its out of the cage. And its gonna kill some people. Anyway. You told me once there was a war coming. Looks like it's here.I scratch my chin.—So. You want to call those tough boys and Hurley into the room and make a mess of me and try to get me to change my tune when Lydia gets here?I point at the door.—Or you want me to get lost so you can start making a plan to change the world?He looks around the room, a man suddenly across a border, not sure how he got there. Then he nods. Claps his hands once. Stands. —Yeah. OK. You better take off.He bounces his head up and down.—Yeah, man. Brave new world. Brave new world. Change. Embrace it or get swept aside. That's the, you know, the deal. Like a wave, change is. This one, this one will be like a tsunami. And I think I need to have some alone time to get my balance for this.He points at the door.—Yeah, you do your thing, Joe. Probably better you're not here for this. I need to do some clear thinking. Look at myself in an unadorned light and come up with some truth.I drop my smoke, grind it on the floor.—Fine. You change your mind and want your boys to kill me, you got between here to the front door.He reaches for me.—You know, man, I'm just wondering. I'm just wondering if I shouldn't thank you for this. This is, you know, this is a unique opportunity for us all. And I'm not sure I shouldn't thank you for bringing it on.He squeezes my shoulder. —But you're gonna die for it, Joe. Not tonight. But, you know, pretty soon.He lets go of me. —As soon as someone has a second to spare, they're going to kill you.I head out. —Your hand is shaking again, Terry.—An1 how was it, Joe? All knitted up between the two a yas?I stop on the stoop to light a fresh one.—Well, you know how it is with old pals, Hurley. You have your fights and your disagreements, but in the end, you're too far under each other's skin to really hold a grudge. —Glad ta hear it, Joe, glad to hear it.He takes my gun, knuckles and razor from a pocket. —An will ya be needin' dese?I take them from his hands. —Thanks. Hate to need them and be caught without.I go down the steps.—Keep the welcome mat out. Sounds like Lydia and some of her girls are coming by.He raises a thick finger.—Dem ladies, ya know dey don't like ta be called girls. —So I hear. So I hear. —Take care den, Joe.—Thanks. And a piece of advice for you, if you like. —Sure, an why not? —Think about rolling up your trouser. —An why would dat be?I walk down the street, trailing smoke. —What I hear, there's high water on the way. And everyone's gonna get wet.