He saw the alien look in her green eyes that told him she was thinking about her former associates.
“Never try to be more clever than the Bene Gesserit, Duncan.”
He could not be sure. It was the intelligence behind her eyes that gripped him these days. He could feel it growing there, as though her teachers blew into a balloon and Murbella’s intellect expanded the way her abdomen expanded with new life.
That was a stupid question. He knew what they were doing. They were taking her away from him, making a Sister of her.
“They grab you from your blind side to use you for their own purposes,” he said.
He could see his words take hold. She had awakened to this trap after the fact. The Bene Gesserit were so damnably clever! They had enticed her into their trap, giving her small glimpses of things as magnetic as the force binding her to him. It could only be an enraging realization to an Honored Matre.
But this had been done by the Bene Gesserit. They were in a different category. Almost Sisters. Why deny it? And she wanted their abilities. She wanted out of this probation into the full teaching she could sense just beyond the ship’s walls. Didn’t she know why they still kept her on probation?
Murbella slipped out of her robe and climbed into the bed beside him. Not touching. But keeping that armed sense of nearness between their bodies.
“They originally intended me to control Sheeana for them,” he said.
“As you control me?”
“Do I control you?”
“Sometimes I think you’re a comic, Duncan.”
“If I can’t laugh at myself I’m really lost.”
“Laugh at your pretensions to humor, too?”
“Those first.” He turned toward her and cupped her left breast in his hand, feeling the nipple harden under his palm. “Did you know I was never weaned?”
“Never in all of those . . .”
“Not once.”
“I might have guessed.” A smile formed fleetingly on her lips, and abruptly both of them were laughing, clutching each other, helpless with it. Presently, Murbella said, “Damn, damn, damn.”
“Damn who?” as his laughter subsided and they pulled apart, forcing the separation.
“Not who, what. Damn fate!”
“I don’t think fate cares.”
“I love you and I’m not supposed to do that if I’m to be a proper Reverend Mother.”
He hated these excursions so close to self-pity.
“I
“That’s a word they left out when they made you.”
She pushed his hand away and sat up to look down at him. “Reverend Mothers are never supposed to love.”
“I know that.”
She was too caught up in her own worries. “When I get to the Spice Agony . . .”
“Love! I don’t like the idea of agony associated with you in any way.”
“How can I avoid it? I’m already in the chute. Very soon they’ll have me up to speed. I’ll go very fast then.”
He wanted to turn away but her eyes held him.
“Truly, Duncan. I can feel it. In a way, it’s like pregnancy. There comes a point when it’s too dangerous to abort. You must go through with it.”
“So we love each other!” Forcing his thoughts away from one danger into another.
“And they forbid it.”
He looked up at the comeyes. “The watchdogs are watching us and they have fangs.”
“I
He wanted to shout it but listeners behind the comeyes would hear more than spoken words. Murbella was right. It was dangerous to think you could gull Reverend Mothers.
Something veiled in her eyes as she looked down at him. “How very strange you looked just then.” He recognized the Reverend Mother she might become.
Thinking about the strangeness of his memories sometimes diverted her. She thought his previous incarnations made him somehow similar to a Reverend Mother.
“I’ve died so many times.”
“You remember it?” The same question every time.
He shook his head, not daring to say anything more for the watchdogs to interpret.
Those became dulled by repetition. Sometimes he didn’t even bother to put them into his secret data-dump. No . . . it was the unique encounters with other humans, the long collection of recognitions.