Diva Runs Out Of Thyme

June’s knitting needles stopped and she turned her attention to Mars. “Not married to Natasha yet, are you?”

“No, ma’am.”

“You see?” She grinned. “There’s always hope.”

Mars suggested they retire to the living room to talk but on his way out of the kitchen, he pulled me aside. “Do you think Mom’s losing it?”

“She seems okay otherwise.”

“Let’s not mention this to Natasha. She’ll have Mom institutionalized by next week if she finds out Mom thinks she’s talking to Faye. Especially now that Mom burned down half of her house.”

“Are you sure your mom started the fire?”

“Nat’s certain.”

Their private time didn’t last long. Mars’s younger brother, Andrew, arrived with Vicki.

“Thank you so much for including us today,” said Vicki. “We were at Natasha’s last night when the fire broke out. It was awful. And we didn’t have alternative plans. I had visions of us eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for Thanksgiving.”

I was shutting the door when a timid knock came from the other side. A slight man with fine hair so blond it verged on white said, “Hello, Sophie.”

TEN

From “THE GOOD LIFE”:

Dear Sophie,

When my sister-in-law hosts family holidays, she gets up at four in the morning to bake bread. I work long days and with three kids, I need my sleep and don’t have time to bake when it’s my turn to host family gatherings. I hate it when my sister-in-law turns her nose up at my store-bought bread. What to do?

—Snoozing in Saltville

Dear Snoozing,

You need your sleep. Don’t feel guilty about it. I make rolls or knots about a week ahead of time and I let my bread machine do the hard work. Even the busiest mom can find a few minutes to dump ingredients into a bread machine. Put it on “manual” and it will take the bread all the way through the first rise. Then take the dough out and shape it into rolls or cute knots. The kids can help with that. Place the rolls or knots on an ungreased cookie sheet. Cover with a clean kitchen towel and let rise (out of drafts) until they double in size. Remove the towel and cover the still raw dough with plastic wrap. Slide the entire wrapped tray into the freezer. If you need the tray or more space in the freezer, you can put them in a plastic freezer bag once they’re frozen. When you need them, preheat the oven to 350 degrees, spritz the tops with water, and sprinkle a little salt on them before sliding the tray into the oven. They’ll taste every bit as fresh as your sister-in-law’s. But you won’t be as tired as she is.

—Sophie

The man at the door seemed vaguely familiar. “May I help you?”

“You don’t remember me? But I remember you.” He bent toward me and spoke confidentially, “I cheered for you when you won the school hopscotch championship over Natasha.”

Feeling stupid, I searched his face. He was talking about something that happened in fourth grade. Or was it fifth? Who was this guy?

Mom’s voice sang over my shoulder, “Humphrey! I hope you didn’t have any trouble finding the house.”

Humphrey? That name went out of fashion before I was born. But I had known one Humphrey. I took a second look at him as he handed me a bottle of sherry.

“Humphrey Brown?”

“You do remember me.”

I nodded. The truth was I hadn’t thought about him in years. Evidently Mom invited Humphrey as her surprise guest.

The oven timer dinged and I left her to deal with him.

In the kitchen, Bernie peeked inside the oven. “Is this ready to come out?”

I put on oven mitts and was pulling Mom’s sweet potato and marshmallow dish out of the oven when Vicki found me. “I don’t mean to interfere, but Hannah and Mars are about to start a world war over medical insurance costs.”