Different Circles

“Are they married, or what?” asked Laura.

“Not really,” Stivick said. “California is not a common law state. They belong together though.”

“What happens now?” asked Jake. “Are they under arrest?”

“Well, that kind of depends on how you want to play this,” Stivick said. “There are several things we can charge them with, all misdemeanors, but, since they are misdemeanors that occurred in the presence of Cartwright and Brooke, we can charge them and you won’t have to make a citizen’s arrest and go through all the bullshit that entails. The question is, do you want us to arrest them and charge them?”

“What would you charge them with?” Jake asked.

“Trespassing would be the first thing,” Stivick said. “You have signs at the property line stating that this is private property and that trespassing is forbidden. They disregarded those signs and acted in a manner that implies they intended to trespass. As for the diapers themselves, we could probably get the DA to agree that malicious mischief is applicable. I’m not sure that vandalism would actually hold up here. And then there’s always illegal dumping. Shooting soiled diapers over a fence onto private property that is not a designated waste management site certainly meets the elements of illegal dumping.”

“I see,” Jake said. “And what kind of punishment would they receive for this act?”

Stivick shrugged. “They would definitely get hit with a hefty fine,” he said. “They would likely be ordered to pay restitution to you for whatever it costs to clean up the mess. And, with their priors, if you get the right judge and he or she is in a particularly bad mood on the day of sentencing, they might even get thirty days or so—although they would undoubtedly be allowed to serve it on the weekends only, and would probably get at least half of the time off as long as they weren’t total assholes inside the jail.”

“Hmm,” Jake said thoughtfully. “Hardly seems worth the time and effort.”

“I don’t know,” Stivick said. “It might teach them a lesson. And a fine will certainly hit them where they live. They both receive disability payments from social security as their primary means of income.”

“What kind of disability?” Jake asked. “They looked pretty fuckin’ healthy when they were slinging dirty diapers around with an oversized slingshot.”

Stivick shrugged again. “Who knows?”

“I don’t want to send people on a disability pension to jail,” Laura said.

“Yeah, me either,” Jake said. “When the reporters get wind of that, imagine how they would twist it. It’s just like when that bible thumper’s kid put acid in my hot tub. They would just make it seem like a harmless prank that I overreacted to.”

“Acid in your hot tub?” Stivick asked. He had not heard that story. “You mean ... like the burning acid, not the tripping acid?”

“The burning acid,” Jake confirmed. “He snuck in our back yard and poured five gallons of it into the hot tub. The amount you’re supposed to use is about half a cup. I caught him doing it and he wanted to fight. He was a big kid, six foot plus, football player. I punched him a few times before I even realized it was a kid. The media had a field day with it.”

“Wow,” Stivick said. “The diapers don’t quite rise to the level of acid in the tub—you could make an argument for attempted murder or at least attempted mayhem for that—but I get where you’re coming from. Phil and Dana aren’t exactly beloved around SLO county, but you’re more fun to sling innuendo about.”

“Don’t I know it,” Jake said. “How about they just clean up the mess they made, go away, promise to stay the hell away from us, and we don’t press any charges? Would that work?”

Stivick nodded thoughtfully. “We can probably persuade them that that is in their best interests,” he said.

“I want every last one of those diapers picked up and taken away,” Jake said. “And I want it done right now.”

“Okay,” Stivick said.

“Oh, and one other thing,” he added.

“What’s that?” Stivick asked.

“I want the slingshot and the frame.”

“You do?”

“I do,” Jake confirmed. “In the first place, it’ll keep them from using it again.”

“Okay, I can see that,” Stivick said.

“And it looks like a pretty cool thing to have,” Jake said with a smile. “Caydee and I can use it to shoot rocks into the ocean once she’s a little bigger.”