Dialogues of the Dead

This indignation from one who believed that wheelchair access to police stations had been provided in order that convalescing cops could get back to their desks as soon as possible amused Pascoe.

He saw it amused the young woman too.

“To do what?” she said. “I’ve seen the quacks and the counsellors, I’ve taken the long country walks, I’ve got the victim T-shirt. I’m better off at work, and they’re a bit short-handed there at the moment. We lost a couple of librarians recently, or haven’t you heard? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go and see Hat.”

She pushed past and went into the room.

“Good lass, yon,” said Dalziel. “Bit lippy, but I don’t mind that in a woman long as she’s got the tits to go with it. Reminds me a bit of your Ellie when she were a lass.”

Making a note to pass this intimation of senescence on to Ellie, Pascoe glanced through the glass panel.

Rye was kneeling by the bed, clasping one of Hat’s hands in both of hers and looking into his eyes. They weren’t speaking. Pascoe did not know where they were, did not know about that magic mist which had wrapped itself round them the time they walked along the margin of Stang Tarn, but he knew they were far away in some private place where even his distant gaze was an intrusion.

“Takes you back a couple of years, eh?” said Dalziel, who was peering over his shoulder.

“Further than that,” said Pascoe. “Takes you right out of time. Come away. We’re strangers here.”

“Nay, lad. Not strangers. Just too busy to visit very often,” said Andy Dalziel.

48

the last dialogue

DICK DEE: Where am I?

GEOFF PYKE-STRENGLER: Dick Dee, by all that’s wonderful! How are you, old chap?

DICK: I’m …I’m not sure how I am. Geoffrey, is that you? I’m so sorry …

GEOFF: What on earth for? Not your fault we’re here.

DICK: Isn’t it? I thought that …what is this place …?

GEOFF: Hard to explain, old boy. Not really a place at all, if you get my drift. How did you get here, anyway?

DICK: It’s all mixed up …there was this tunnel with a very bright light at the end of it …

SAM JOHNSON: How very conventional. I had bells and explosions and birdsong, bit like the 1812 re-orchestrated by Messiaen.

DICK: Dr. Johnson …you too …I’m sorry …

SAM: You will be. Oh yes, you will be.

GEOFF: Ignore him. He’s a bit down. The tunnel thingy, that’s just an impression of the process of getting here. Quite a popular one, as it happens. I meant, what happened to start the process?

DICK: I can’t remember …there was …no, it’s gone.

GEOFF: Not to worry. It generally takes a bit of time before memory comes back.

SAM: Enjoy it while you can. It’s when you start remembering that the pain starts. Oh God, here it comes. We may have left the stage but we still have the pantomime horse.

PERCY: How are things back there? Who’s got my job? I half expected it might be you.

BROSE: Can hardly be him when he’s down here with us, can it?

PERCY: You know what I mean.

BROSE: Only because my powers of interpretation compensate for your inadequacies of expression. How on earth you got to be borough librarian I cannot imagine.

PERCY: By the same process as a pipsqueak blowbag like yourself got to be the Last of the Actor-managers, I dare say. Where do you think we are going?

BROSE: For a walk by the river.

PERCY: But we went for a walk by the river this morning.

BROSE: That was when it was your choice. Now it’s mine and I choose to go there again. Anyway, there’s nowhere else. Come on, no dawdling.

PERCY: Don’t poke. You’re poking again. I promise you, if you start poking, I’ll start jerking.

DICK: I wanted to say something to them but they didn’t give me the chance to get a word in. And why are they walking so close together like that?

GEOFF: That’s how they arrived, sort of joined up. And the way you arrive is the way you stay, it seems, at least till you cross the river. You may have noticed I’m having to hold my head on, for instance.

DICK: Yes, I’m so sorry …

GEOFF: Bad habit that, always apologizing.

DICK: But your poor head …

GEOFF: I know. But look, old boy, there’s you bleeding all over the place and I’m not apologizing, am I?

ANDREW AINSTABLE: ’Scuse me, gents, but I’m looking for a bridge. Couldn’t tell me if it’s upstream or downstream, could you? I’ve got a Home Start waiting and I was due there …can’t recall when exactly, but I know he’s waiting.

GEOFF: Try upstream, old boy.

DICK: Who on earth was that?

GEOFF: On earth he was an AA man. He’s still a bit confused even though he’s been down here longer than any of us. Spends all his time looking for a bridge.

DICK: Bridge? I’d say he’s tried to swim across, from the look of him.

GEOFF: Not an option, old boy. No, that’s the way he came, dripping wet. He wants to find this bridge ’cos that’s where he left his van.

DICK: This is very confusing. And I keep on hearing music …