Dialogues of the Dead

For a moment my AA man stops talking as he makes a final adjustment with the engine running. He listens with the close attention of a piano tuner, smiles, switches off, and says, 'Reckon that'll get you to Monte Carlo and back, if that's your pleasure.' I say, 'That's great. Thank you very much.' He sits down on the parapet of the bridge and starts putting his tools into his tool box. Finished, he looks up into the sun, sighs a sigh of utter contentment and says, 'You ever get those moments when you feel, this is it, this is the one I'd like never to end? Needn 't be special, big occasion or anything like that. Just a morning like this, and you feel, I could stay here for ever.' 'Yes,' I tell him. 7 know exactly what you mean.' Would be nice, eh?' he says wistfully. 'But no rest for the wicked, I'm afraid.' And he closes his box and starts to rise. And now at last beyond all doubt the signal is given. Down in the willows overhanging the stream on the far side of the bridge something barks, a fox I think, followed by a great squawk of what could have been raucous laughter; then out of the trailing greenery rockets a cock pheasant, wings beating desperately to lever its heavy body over the stonework and into the sky. It clears the far parapet by inches and comes straight at us. I step aside. The AA man steps backwards, The shallow parapet behind him catches his calves. The bird passes between us, I feel the furious beat of its wings like a Pentecostal wind. And the AA man flails his arms as if he too is trying to take off. But he is already unbalanced beyond recovery. I stretch out my hand to the teetering figure - to help or to push, who can tell? - and my fingertips brush against his, like God's and Adam's in the Sistine Chapel, or God's and Lucifer's on the battlements of heaven. Then he is gone. / look over the parapet. He has somersaulted in his fall and landed face down in the shallow stream below. It is only a few inches deep, but he isn't moving. I scramble down the steep bank. It's clear what has happened. He has banged his head against a stone on the stream bed and stunned himself. As I watch, he moves and tries to raise his head out of the water. Part of me wants to help him, but it is not a part that has any control over my hands or my feet. I have no choice but to stand and watch. Choice is a creature of time and time is away and somewhere else. Three times his head lifts a little, three times falls back. There is no fourth. For a while bubbles rise. Perhaps he is using these last few exhalations to rejoin the Catholic Church. Certainly for him things are never going to be more desperate. On the other hand, he is at last getting his wish for one of those perfect moments to be extended forever, and wherever he finally lies at rest will, I am sure, he a happy grave. Fast the bubbles come at first, then slower and slower, like the last oozingsfrom a cider press, till up to the surface swims that final languid sac of air which, if the priests are right, ought to contain the soul.

Run well, my marathon messenger!

The bubble bursts. And time too bursts back into my consciousness with all its impedimenta of mind and matter, rule and law. I scrambled back up the bank and got into my car. Its engine sang such a merry song as I drove away that I blessed the skilful hands that had tuned it to this pitch. And I gave thanks too for this new, or rather this renewed life of mine. My journey had begun. No doubt there would be obstacles along my path. But now that path was clearly signed. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. And just by standing still and trusting in you, my guide, I had taken that step.

Talk again soon. Chapter Two