Definitely Not Mr. Darcy

Hugs to those who put together “Young Author Outrage,” a hilarious scrapbook that kept me going over the years: Michel e Burton, Liz Calby, Linda Dunbar, Gloria Gyssler, DeAnn Gruber, Anne Kodama, Audrey Korsland, Linda LaBel e, Bianca Loftus, Karen Maher, Ingrid Nolan, Kate Pennington, Jennifer Pol ock, Mary Jo Robling, and Jane Wilhelm.

Other stalwart supporters include: Robin Benoy, Janan Cain, Marilyn Groble, Anne Huston, Janice Fisher, Bridget Lesniak, Cathy Louthen, Ingrid Lulich, Michel e Mendoza, Linda Roberto, Cyndi Robinson, Dorie Skiest, Cindy Vitek, and Trish Wil inger. Carole and Mike Fortman, thank you for entertaining and, at times, feeding Samantha. Thank you, Jamie Anderson, for your design capabilities and Web advice, and Joost Doornebos and Laurie Gruber for believing.

Those who read pages include: Linda Dunbar, Angela Gordon, Janet Katish, Michel e Marconi, and Anne Kodama, who stopped reading because the book made her forget to pick up her child from piano, or something.

I need to thank the BBC for producing the Regency House Party, because, little did I know until I’d written most of the book that they had actual y done a Regency reality show that is available both on YouTube and DVD. I recommend it! A tip of the hat to The Bachelor TV series, too.

I must come clean that my daughter named her American Girl Dol “Chloe,” and when I looked up the etymology of the name, decided to change my main character’s name from “Zoe” to “Chloe.” There. I said it, Samantha!

Thanks to: the Jane Austen Society of North America, Chicago chapter, and especial y Wil iam Philips. Thanks as wel to Romance Writers of America, especial y the Windy City chapter. Barnes and Noble, Borders, the Newberry Library, Riverside Library, and Starbucks—al fueled the effort. Thanks to fel ow Chicagoan, Oprah, for helping to make reading hip—I’ve watched you for years now, if you want to go out for coffee, just cal .

Thanks as wel to one of my first and favorite bosses, Tim Roberts in England, and my English friends Tim and Al i Moxon.

The 1995 A&E version of Pride and Prejudice, and everyone involved in that production, deserves gratitude. Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth brought a certain coolness to al things Austen and forced Janeites worldwide out of the closet. Colin Firth was consequential y typecast for the next fifteen years, but such is the price for playing Mr. Darcy a little too wel .

Chapter 1

S he gave up pink drinks and took up tea long ago.

Chloe Parker, even after her divorce, stil dreamed of a more romantic era. An age when a lady, in her gown and gloves, would, for sheer amusement, banter with a gentleman in his tight breeches and riding boots, smoldering in a corner of the drawing room.

So now that she stood deep in the English countryside, loaded down with her suitcases, at the registration desk of a Tudor-style inn, she felt as if she’d been drinking something much stronger than tea. Was she woozy from the jet lag of the eight-hour flight from Chicago to London, or enthral ed with the antique furniture and aroma of scones?

A young woman in a long blue frock, apron, and ruffled cap approached and curtsied. “I’l be your maidservant during your stay, Miss Parker,” she said in a monotone voice with a slight Cockney twang. “My name’s Fiona.”

Chloe had a maidservant? Who cal ed her, at thirty-nine years old, a “miss” and curtsied? As Chloe’s eight-year-old daughter, Abigail, would say,

“This rocks.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Chloe said instead.

Fiona would be beautiful, were it not for the pierced hole in her pouty lower lip where her lip ring would be.

“Welcome to the set, Miss Parker,” she said without a glimmer of a smile. “To Jane Austen’s England. Or should I say Mr. Darcy’s Derbyshire?”

Chloe would be happy to be welcomed to Mr. Darcy’s pigpen, but that was beside the point.

Fiona looked Chloe over. “It looks as if you’re almost dressed for the part.”

Chloe wore lace-up boots, a long pencil skirt, and a poet blouse. She shopped at vintage and secondhand stores and most people noticed her quirky outfits.

Fiona took a skeleton key from behind the check-in desk. “Are you excited to join in our little charade?”

“This documentary’s a dream come true for me! A chance to live in the year 1812 for three weeks? No computers, just gowns, bal s, and tea parties. This is my Vegas, my—Brighton.”

The ice between mistress and maidservant had been broken for a moment, because Fiona managed a half smile.

You wouldn’t have to have read Pride and Prejudice like Chloe did at eleven years old to appreciate the magnitude of the moment. Mr. Darcy was her first love, although other Austen heroes soon fol owed, but Mr. Darcy loomed large in her heart for twenty-eight years—the longest relationship she’d ever had with any man, fictional or real.